Save Your Heart

“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” I told him. I leaned against his car beside him. Again, his eyes were glazed over staring off into nothingness.

“Oh.” He replied coldly taking a drag of his cigarette. Even though smoking repulsed me, there was something about Derek smoking that was really sexy. My heartbeat began to quicken again. “You should go inside, it’s chilly out.”

“I want to stay out here with you.” I said softly. I was praying this would change his attitude.

He nodded his head in return and took another drag. It didn’t looked as if my comment worked.

“Are you okay?” I asked, I still resistant. Last night was perfect. It felt like Derek and I were finally back on track. I didn’t want my question to ruin it. I didn’t want it to go away. I had to ask though. I couldn’t take this anymore. I needed to know what was wrong.

“Just fine.” His replies were so sharp, they cut me like a knife.

I walked in front of him so he would look at me. He had a choice not to, since he was so much taller than me, but it was worth a shot. “Then why are you acting so cold towards me?” When he still didn’t have the nerve to look me in the eye, I stomped my foot on the ground and yelled, “Look at me, dammit!” This made his eyes shot down and stare at me. His face was emotionless. I gazed at him back, I’m sure my expression wasn’t emotionless at all. I was angry and scared all at the same time.

“Was last night just a rebound fuck to you?” He exclaimed sharply.

I was shocked. “Excuse me?”

“Did last night mean nothing to you?” He took one last drag of his cigarette before throwing it to the ground.

“No, of course not. How could you say such a thing?” I really had no idea where this was coming from.

Derek shook his head. “When that woman asked you if I was your boyfriend, you said no and just introduced me like I was nothing to you.‘Oh, he’s just the best man’.” He mimicked angrily.

“But you’re not my boyfriend.” I replied confused.

“Then what the fuck am I Ry? A fuck buddy? Someone to make you feel better when things are going well with your dickhead of a boyfriend? All you do is push me away!”

“No! I didn’t...”

Derek started to pace. “Last night wasn’t just some fuck to me! It meant the world to me. I thought you felt the same way.”

“Derek, it did feel the same way for me. I didn’t know that that meant we were a couple. I didn’t even know you wanted to be with me.” I replied calmly hoping it would made him calm down as well.

“What?” He snapped back. He stopped pacing and stood still in front of me. He wasn’t any more than 3 or 4 inches from me. I could smell his sweet scent mixed with the smell of cigarettes. He was breathing heavily.

“You were with Lexi at the engagement party. You barely talked to me before last night...How could I have known?”

He glared at me for a long few seconds. It was as if he was trying to read my face to get all of the answers to his questions I knew he was thinking about. His eyes danced from mine to my lips. “You really have no idea how much I love you, do you?”

I shrugged. “I guess not.”

Derek sighed. His breathing was steady now. His face now looked solemn. “Lexi and I have mutual friends, including Brooks who invited her. When you and I broke up, Lexi and I had a small thing. All I did was think about you and Lexi knew it. She broke up with me after a couple of months. When things were getting busy with the band and touring, it kind of got my mind off of you. Then I saw you at the party and fell in love with you all over again. When you barely said a full sentence to me that day, I was heartbroken. I thought you had moved on. That’s why I barely talked to you. I couldn’t bare the thought of being rejected by you, the girl of my dreams.”

He looked down at me, hoping I would say something. I stared at him in awe. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. I couldn’t believe all of those words and sentences were about me. “Are you sure you’re talking about the right person?” Those were the first words that I thought of saying.

Derek laughed lightly. “If your name is Rylin with beautiful green eyes and a contagious smile, then yes, I believe so.”

The corners of my mouth curved up instantaneously. “You’re not nothing to me, Derek. You’re everything.”

He took a step closer to me and laced his fingers with mine. Then he lowered his head and pressed his forehead against mine.

“I’m sorry I hurt you” I whispered. I had been meaning to say it since last night when we were fighting in his car. I never found a moment to do so. I thought this was the right moment.

Derek cupped my face in his hands and looked down at me. He smiled suddenly. It was as if it was his way of saying that everything was going to me okay. His hands let go of my face and lingered down to my waist and pulled me closer. I wrapped my arms around his waist in return and snuggled my face into his chest. I could hear his heart beating steadily.

I turned my head and rested it on his chest. “I don’t want to fight anymore, Derek.”

“What do you want?”

“I want you.”

Derek kissed my forehead. I absolutely loved when he did that; I was sure he knew that, too.“I was hoping you would say that. ” He placed a kiss on my cheek, then my jaw, all the way down to my neck. It tickled every time he kissed me softly on my neck, I started giggling up a storm. I was euphoric. That was the perfect word. Derek made me euphoric. I was going to make sure I wasn’t going to let this go again.