Second Heartbeat

I sat up in bed and swung my legs over the side. I yawn and scratch my head. I get up and walk to the closet of my bedroom. Which used to be Sam’s. I had moved in here with Gena just before Sam gave birth to Seeger and Sierra. I grab some jeans and a shirt and get dressed. I walk back in the room and see Gena up and in her silk robe that just went to her knees.

“I’m going to go and get the twins up.” She said. I nodded and she left the room. I walked downstairs and into the kitchen and got out two bottles and the formula. I got it ready and set the bottles in the microwave and heated the milk up and took them out and shake them for a little while. Gena walks down with the twins and she hands me Sierra and I hand her a bottle. I walk into the living room and sit down in my recliner. I put the bottle to her mouth and she starts to drink. Gena turns on the news and my mind wanders.

When I found out that Sam had passed out while delivering I freaked out. Brian threatened to kill me if anything happened to Sam, and personally I wanted to hurt myself as she was wheeled out. I sat in the room and waited for the doctors. I remember Brian’s words oh so clearly.

”I swear to fucking god Zacky if she dies I am blaming you.” He said. I looked at him with terror.

“Dude I didn’t do anything.” I said.

“Exactly, you didn’t do anything. If you wouldn’t have gone to the whore’s fucking parents house You would have been there when she went into labor.” He said.

“Brian calm down, it’s not Zacky’s fault.” Michelle said and her and Brian walked out. Jimmy came over by me and sat down.

“You ok?” He asked.

“No, I should never have left her. I mean dude, I love Sam. Not Gena.” I said as a tear dropped from my eye.

“Dude you’re really worried aren’t you?” He asked.

“What do you fucking think?” I asked. I stood and went to the window. I sat on the couch in the room and started to bawl my eyes out.

“Babe you ok?” I heard, and snapped out of it and felt my cheek and it was wet.

“Yeah, just thinking.” I said.

“About what?” She asked.

“Nothing, just thinking. Sierra is done, I’m going to get her changed and then can you get him dressed, I’m going to bring them over to Brian’s so he can see them.” I said.

“Can I come with?” She asked.

“No, I want to talk with Brian and Michelle alone.” I said and she nodded, but I saw hurt in her eyes. I walked upstairs and into the nursery. I set Sierra down on the table and got out an outfit. I got her changed and Gena walked in with Seeger and I grabbed Sierra and put her in the car seat and Gena followed when Seeger was dressed.

“Hey if anything goes wrong between you and Brian, call me.” She said and kissed my cheek. I grabbed the diaper bag and the twins and walked down to my SUV. I got in the front seat and sighed. I haven’t talked with Brian since we found out Sam died, he blames me completely. But me and Michelle have talked and she thought it would be good to have me come over and talk with him. I started up the car. I pulled out of the driveway and drove to Brian and Michelle’s house. I pulled into the driveway and Michelle walked out.

“Hey.” I said and smiled. She was about seven or eight months pregnant.

“Brian is in a bad mood.” She said.

“Why?” I asked.

“His dad was yelling at him. Saying how much that he hates Brian because Bri won’t fly him out here to see his grandchildren.” She said. I nodded and she grabbed the diaper bag and I grabbed the twins. We walked in the house and Brian was talking.

“No, whatever Matt.” He said and hung up.

“Michelle where are you?” He asked and stepped out of the kitchen and saw me.

“Why the fuck is he here?” He yelled.

“Brian shut up, you’ll wake them, and we are all going to talk like civilized people. And plus, Zacky thought it would be a good idea to have you see Seeger and Sierra.” Michelle said and he looked at her.

“Fine.” HE said and went to the living room. We walked in and I sat down on the couch and Took out Sierra and handed her to Brian. He glared at me, but grabbed her anyways.

“She looks like Sam.” He said quietly. I nodded. I took out Seeger and Michelle looked at me. I handed him to her and she smiled.

“Ok what do you want to talk about?” Brian asked sniffling. I looked at him.

“Well I know that you blame me for Sam.” I paused and he looked at me.

“Yeah, I do.” HE said.

“But after you stormed out of Sam’s hospital room I told Jimmy that I made the biggest mistake of my life.” I said.

“Knocking up my sister?” He asked.

“No, leaving her for Gena. I still love your sister Brian. I always will, I cried for hours before and after she died. I felt so bad for being so whipped. You have to understand that I didn’t do anything to cause her death.” I said.

“I know.” He said.

“Then why do you hate me?” I asked raising my voice a little but cursing under my breath as Sierra started to cry.

“Just rock her Brian.” Michelle said and he started to rock the chair. She quieted down and made a noise and then feel back asleep.

“I don’t, I just, first you had sex with Sam behind my back, I was a little angry because she was my little sister and you are my best friend, and I told all four of you to never touch her. And you did. I know you still love her, I just, after her leaving to go to New York I kinda thought that she was mad at me, which she was.” He said. “And just Zacky, she was my little sister, I wanted to protect her until the day I died. But she died before me. I felt as though I failed because I didn’t keep my promise to her, to make sure nothing ever happened to her.”

“Brian man, can we put this all behind us and start on a clean slate?” I asked. He sat there for a second looking at Sierra and then nodded.

“Yeah, I miss having my best friend.” He said. I nodded. Maybe now I can clear my mind, hopefully.