Selfish Machines

Sometimes when things between Gemma and I were going exceptionally well, it was hard to remember why things were so difficult in the first place.

I mean, when things were good, they were great. The saying might have been cliché, but that didn't make it any less true. Things easily fell into routine for us. I helped her setting up Architects gear and she did the same with my brother's band. Sometimes she watched as I took pictures from side stage, constantly nudging me and making my pictures come out blurry. And sometimes I helped her clear off the kids at the end of the night at bus call. It was easy. Simple. Effortless.

She was always around now, and not in a bad way. Normally if we spent too much time together things headed south real quick, but this time was different. And it actually had me pretty hopeful about the future. Not like I was going to ask her to marry me or anything anytime soon, but after this tour we had a pretty significant break. Jona had asked me to do go to Australia with I Killed the Prom Queen, but I was thinking about asking Gemma along with me. And maybe she could go to Portugal with me when I went with Drop Dead. All I could think about was how much more time I wanted to spend with her, and we weren't even apart yet.

Tonight we were in Nottingham and Gemma and I planned to walk around a bit before the show. A lot of the time we just needed to get away. We were always at our best when we were alone.

"Wanna jus' go to Nandos?" I asked.

Gemma laughed lightly and grabbed my hand, lacing our fingers together without thinking twice about it. "What is is with you boys and Nandos? You like jizz yourself over it all the time."

"'s good," I shrugged simply.

"Whatever you want is fine by me," she grinned.

The walk was only about 10 minutes and the weather was actually rather nice. We ate slowly and joked and laughed and everything was fucking fantastic, actually. It made me smile like a damn fool every time I looked up and saw Gemma eating, getting food in the hair she hadn't brushed in a week and laughing with her mouth open. It was those rare moments I liked to pretend she was all mine. That nothing had tainted our relationship and we were the happiest damn couple you ever saw. Because in was those kind of moments that kinda made me feel like that was all possible.

And then I remembered everything we had gone through. All the shit I had done. All the shit she never did. And then I realized why we were the way we were, and why I had to savor these rare moments of complete bliss...because they just weren't realistic. No matter how much I wished they were.

"So we should probably get back to the venue, huh?" Gemma asked, leaning back in her chair and patting her stomach. She burped loudly and all I did was smile widely. "Sam's probably called me about a dozen times."

"Do we hafta?" I pouted. She laughed lightly and leaned over the table to kiss me hard on the mouth, not really caring who was looking at us at the moment.

"Sorry Tommy," she frowned, pushing herself up and putting her hand out for me to grab, which I gladly did. We left Nandos and began our walk back to the venue, laughing at the people that passed us and just really and genuinely enjoying being around each other. It was nice. Really nice.

Before we walked back into the venue she tugged me away from the door and into her. She was pressed up against a wall and her one hand found my cheek as the other wrapped around the back of my head as her fingers threaded through my hair. She pulled me close and covered her mouth with mine, kissing me like it would be the last time. Though surprised at first, I reacted quickly, snaking my arms around her waist as the other found its way on her back, pressing her closer to me. It was amazing to get so wrapped up in each other in such a breathtaking sort of way. I hadn't kissed her like that in months and kissing her like this now only reminded me of how much I missed it.

"You guys couldn't make it to the fuckin' bus?" A loud laugh came from behind us. I quickly turned around to see Dan staring at us with a raised eyebrow, but Gemma couldn't care less. Because my lips were no longer available she took to kissing my neck, her one hand moving low on my torso and almost reaching my fly before I grabbed her hand and shook her slightly.

"Gem," I hissed at her. She simply bit her swollen lip and looked at me through bedroom eyes, making me regret pulling away from her.

"As much as I hate bein' a cockblock, you've gotta come help us, Bobby's bein' a total twat."

Bobby was filling in for the guys on bass, and although I knew Gemma liked Bobby, I could also tell she missed Ali. A lot. They always had a weird sort of relationship, one that no one else really understood. She missed it.

"How so?" Gemma sighed from beside me. She let her hands drop from my body as she took a few steps closer to Dan, her hands on her hips. She was irritated. I suck my hands in my pockets and leaned back against the wall she had just been pressed against, a small smile hanging on my lips.

"Cause he's like, puking everywhere and shit."

"He's puking so that means he's being a twat?" She raised an eyebrow at him this time. "You're the twat!" She shoved him lightly. She glanced at me over her shoulder and winked briefly before she began walking to the bus with Dan, cursing at him the entire way.

---

It was kinda weird to miss Gemma after only being apart from her for a few hours. But it happened. I found myself missing the way she tasted and the way her hair smelled at the way she just didn't care. My mind was filled to the brim with clichés as I thought about her.
I had spotted the top of her head from across the venue just as Parkway Drive was going on and I jogged over towards her, only to be stopped dead in my tracks. Some blonde with blue eyes was chatting her up; his hand pressed against the wall behind her as he leaned forward, making her laugh. And then she threw her arms over his shoulders, and pulled him closer, whispering something in his ear.

My blood started to fucking boil at the mere sight.

Quickly and swiftly I turned around on my heel and began to stomp back towards the bus, unwilling to see how the rest of the story played out. Maybe I was jumping to outlandish conclusions, but I'm pretty sure she was five minutes away from sucking his dick. I threw the bus door open so hard it slammed against the outside of the bus and nearly hit me in the ass on my way up the stairs.

"Wha' crawled up yer arse?" My brother inquired, a skeptical look on his face as he eyed me.

"Gemma's practically snoggin' some dude next to tha merch tables," I scoffed. "Ya know, she's such a fuckin' slag. She was jus' makin' out wiff me earlier and now she's suckin' some blonde bloke's dick."

"Ya sure it ain't Sam?" Matt piped up, laughing loudly. I narrowed my eyes at him, letting him know just how unfunny I thought his comment was.

"I might as well jus' call Amy and tell 'er to come back fer the rest of tour," I threw my arms up in the air. "Looks like she's the only girl who'll fuck me lately."

"Oh come off it," Oliver rolled his eyes. "Yer so fuckin' dramatic Tom."

"Didn't ya say ya fucked Gemma before tour, too?" Vegan asked.

"Piss off," I shot at him.

"Seems like yer the only one allowed to be a total twat in that relationship then, huh?" Matt scoffed.

"And Gemma ain't even bein' a twat! She's probably not even snoggin' anyone," Oliver added.

"Whatever, I'm goin' to tell 'er she's a fuckin' slut," I shrugged, walking off the bus again.

Blondie was making her giggle, her tiny hand on his chest as she laughed hardily at whatever lame-ass line he had used on her. He walked away right as I approached her.

"Who the fuck was tha'?" I asked, getting right to the point.

"Uh...Mark?" She asked, confused as to why I was asking.

"Yer a whore, ya know that?"

"What the fuck is the matter with you?!" She yelled at me. "You're fucking deranged."

"Yer a slag, Gemma! Wha's the matter wiff you?!"

"How the fuck am I a slag, Tom? Please, explain this to me," she glowered at me, crossing her arms over her chest and sticking her hip out. Oh, was she ready for this fight.

"I saw you wiff that guy, don't play dumb," I glared at her.

She busted out with laughter, her face turning red. "You're kidding, right?" She sucked in ragged breathes in-between laughter.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?" I continued to glare, trying not to let her laughter get to me.

"I was talking to him. And even if I was doing anything else, why the fuck do you care?" She scoffed.

"We spent the whole day together, Gem," I stated.

"And?" She snorted. "You've got to be kidding me! You brought home the most psychotic girl I've ever met and I didn't say shit to you about her and I fucking just breath in some guy's direction and I'm a slut?! Yeah, that makes a load of sense," she rolled her eyes. She started to walk away then, her back to be as she started walking towards the stage. She stopped short though, and turned quickly on her heel before stomping back to me. Her face was dangerously close to mine, though I knew it wasn't because she wanted to kiss me. "And you know what?" She hissed. "Even if I did end up fucking him, I would at least have the decency to tell you about it."

And with that, she was gone again.

It still amazed me how horrible we were when it came to the other being with someone else. Our jealously always seemed to get the best of us, no matter what. Even after we had decided that a relationship wasn't for us. Even after we said we could sleep with as many people as we wanted. It never mattered; It always came to this.

Sighing, I began to walk back to the bus, deciding that I should probably just climb in my bunk and stay there for at least the rest of the night. I didn't want to risk another chance of seeing Gemma and I didn't feel like being harassed by my mates. And I guess the crew would have to deal with one less pair of hands tonight while setting up and clearing the stage.

I had just climbed onto the bus, when much to my surprise, I heard Gemma's voice. My heart nearly pumped its way out of my chest when I saw her sitting on the couch in the front of the bus, her blanket wrapped around her. She was talking to my brother. They both glanced up in my direction when they heard the door shut and neither looked happy to see me. And I guess I probably deserved the nasty looks, but that didn't mean I wasn't in the mood to see them.

"'ey dickhole," Oli yelled at me as I tried to silently walk pasted them.

"Yes?" I inquired slowly.

"Don't ya 'ave somefhin' to say?" He prompted me, an expectant look on his face. I glanced back and forth between him and Gemma, not sure exactly what to do or say. I mean, we had only fought five minutes prior, I could hardly believe she had already told him the whole story.

"Uh, sorreh?" I mumbled awkwardly as I rubbed the back of my neck. My brother laughed lowly and shook his head while Gemma stood up and walked towards me. She placed her hand on my chest and sighed.

"Let's just go to bed," she said, walking past me and towards the bunks. Confused, I followed her there and was surprised when she climbed into my bunk. I climbed inside after her and she laid her blanket over both of us as I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close.

'Yer not a slag," I mumbled into her hair. "I was jus' angry."

"I know," she sighed, turning around to face me.

"Why do ya always do this?" I asked her softly, pushing her chin up so her face was level with mine.

"Do what?" She asked.

"Take me back."

"I can read in-between the lines, I know you don't mean it," she shrugged. "But you better believe the day you mean every horrible thing you say, I won't let you come back to me."

"I wouldn't dream of it, love," I grinned, pushing a small kiss to her eager lips.