She Will Be Loved

“What is going on Kota?” I looked up from my intent stare at the floor to see Matt’s face clouded with worry. When Jimmy and I had walked back in we were taken to the living room. Everyone, but Val, was sitting around the room, eagerly waiting for me to reply. At least Val didn’t tell them anything yet, I thought. But I truly had no intent in telling them. I may have told Jimmy, but that doesn’t mean I’ll tell anyone else.

I let my eyes trail over to Jimmy who nodded. I sighed, knowing I’d have to tell them the truth, maybe not the details but at least the truth. “I’m pregnant.”

It was silent. So quiet, in fact, that you could probably hear a pin drop. After a few agonizing moments, the questions started to bombard me. I shrunk into Jimmy’s side, since he sat next to me on the loveseat, and buried my face into his shoulder. I felt him arms wrap around my shoulders and try to tell everyone to ‘shut the fuck up’. When they refused to I shot out of my seat and dashed up the stairs. I heard them call for me, but I ignored them and slammed my door shut.

I laid down under my covers, the blanket pulled over my head. I tried to calm myself down by breathing in and out deeply. I felt something small nudge my head and a soft whine. I removed the cover from my head to see Pixie standing in front of me with a sad face. I smiled weakly and brought her into my arms, scratching her behind the ears.

“I’m sorry I’m in such a bad mood Pix. It’s not you though,” I sighed. She whined again and got out of my arms. She went down to my still flat stomach and sniffed it before softly placing her paw on it. I guess what people say about animals just knowing when you’re pregnant is right. I sat up and placed her in my lap, petting her back.

“It’s going to be just fine Pixie,” I cooed. I was trying to reassure myself of it too. I wasn’t so sure anymore. A knock came at my door making Pixie and I jump. I glared at the door with as much hate as I could muster. “Go away!”

“Can we just talk?” I recognized the voice as Zacky’s.

“No.” He didn’t listen to me and walked in, shutting and locking the door behind him. Shit, that’s what I should have done. As he turned around to face me I still had my glare that I hope would soon shoot lasers. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Look Koty, I just want to talk.”

“And I think I already covered that I don’t.”

“Why did you tell Jimmy and not us?” He blurted out. My eyes grew wide and my heartbeat increased instantly. Jimmy told? No, he couldn’t have. He promised me.

“H – he told you?” I choked out.

“Not really. All he said was that you told him the details and couldn’t tell.” I let out a sigh of relief I hadn’t noticed I was holding in. For a moment there he had me worried. I shouldn‘t of even had the small doubt in Jimmy. “Why did you tell him? Why not tell me?”

“You know what, why does it always have to be about you?” I snapped. I shot to my feet making Pixie scramble to keep a spot on the bed. She was whimpering by now but my rage was far too great to feel guilty now. “Maybe I should have told Brian, the man who’s like my brother. Or maybe Matt or Val, the people treating me like their child. Why does it have to be you, huh?”

“Because I fucking love you!” He shouted. My eyes instantly grew wide and I blushed a deep red. I was taken off guard by that outburst. I didn’t think he liked me that much; it was too much to compute. I fell to a sitting position on my bed and buried my face in my hands.

“Get out Zacky,” I said softly. It was so soft I wasn’t sure Zacky heard at first. But after a few moments his voice broke the eerie silence.

“Wha – what?”

“Get out. You’re causing stress for the baby which is unhealthy for it.”

“Are you fucking kidding?!” I felt tears brimming my eyes which kept my head bowed. I couldn’t face him knowing I was moments away from crying. “I confess my love for you and you just tell me to go because of some bastard child?”

I felt myself break at that point. My head snapped up as I stood and tried to glare through my tears. It made Zacky stop short with wide eyes. My voice was scratchy and tense as I screamed at him. “Get out! Get out, get out, get OUT!”

“Dakota, I – ”

“No! You are a cruel, foul man Zachary James Baker! I hate you! I don’t know how anyone could love an asshole like you. I hope you fucking die alone!” I screamed, shoving him at the end of every sentence.

“Dakota!”

“No! I hate you! I hate you!” I screamed, punching his chest with my clenched fists. Suddenly my door was thrown open and everyone ran inside. Matt instantly grabbed Zacky while Brian took me into his arms and sat on my bed with me in his lap. Val and Brian tried their hardest to soothe me as Johnny, Jimmy, and Matt took Zacky from my room. After a couple of mintues I was lulled into a deep slumber.



As Jimmy, Matt, and Johnny pulled me downstairs I was numbed, Dakota’s words echoing in my head. I hate you! It sent a shiver down my spine. I had never seen her that mad. Given no one’s ever done anything to anger her, but it was still scary to see. I knew now that my ‘bastard child’ comment was much too far, but I was just frustrated. It sounded good in my head.

“What the fuck were you hoping to accomplish Zack?” I looked up, unaware we had entered the living room or that I had been put on the couch. Matt and Jimmy stood above me with their arms crossed and glares on their faces. Johnny was sitting on another couch, not even bothering to try to be intimidating, but I could tell he was unhappy with me too. I couldn’t blame any of them.

“I don’t - ” I sighed deeply, placing my face in my hands. All I could see was Dakota screaming at me as she punched my chest. It was really sore now that I thought about it.

“I specifically told you to just leave her alone and what do you do? You go and fucking pissed her off to the point of screaming and tears. I hope you're fucking proud of yourself Zack,” Jimmy growled.

“No, I’m not,” I said softly. Suddenly Jimmy was at my throat, literally, with his hands wrapped around my windpipe. Air was suddenly cut off and I began my panicked attempt at breathing.

“If her baby is hurt in anyway in the least I will slit you throat Zachary. She’s been through enough shit in life that if you add more I will make sure you don’t live,” Jimmy hissed. Matt was quick to grab him and pull him away. I coughed as air was suddenly available and leaned over, trying to regain my breathing. Another first, Jimmy has never been so angry with me. Never has he touched me like that.

“Jimmy, calm down. Kota is not going to be any better off with you in jail for killing him!” Matt shouted, shoving Jimmy back into a wall. Jimmy composed himself before standing straight.

“I’m going to check on Koty. Be out of this house for a while when I come back. I don’t want Koty to see you either.” With that Jimmy walked out of the room and then up the stairs. I stood and headed into the entrance hall to slip on some Nikes.

“You don’t have to really go Zacky,” Matt sighed as he followed me. I shook my head and grabbed my leather jacket from the entrance closet. I patted the pockets to know I had a pack and a lighter.

“No, I need to. I need to clear my head. I will probably stay at my parents’ place tonight. See you tomorrow.” I walked out without another word and headed to my 4Runner. I got in and lit up a cigarette as I rolled down the windows and turned up my CD. I took out my phone and dialed my mom’s phone.

“Hello?”

“Mom, can I stay over tonight?”

“Well this is sudden Zacky. What do we owe the pleasure?”

“I messed up. And I’d rather not talk about it. Can I?”

“Of course dear.” I put the vehicle in reverse and backed up. Once out I put it back in drive and headed down the street. “See you in a bit.”

“Okay. Love you.”

“Love you too.” With that I turned off my phone and leaned back in my seat. I let out a sigh of smoke and let Metallica fill my head.