My Father, My Brother

"Do you, Frank Anthony Iero, take this woman, Jamia Nestor, to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to hold, from this day forward, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"And do you, Jamia Nestor, take this man, to be your lawful wedded husband? To have and to hold, from this day forward, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"Then I now pronounce you, man and wife. You may kiss the bride." Frank leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jamia's, kissing her sweetly as the small crowd began to applaud. I joined them, but my heart wasn't in it. By the looks of it, neither was Gerard's as his looked as forced as mine. However, Frank and Jamia were beaming at each other from ear to ear. I wasn't a bridesmaid this time, as Frank's wedding was more public than Mikey's, and there were cameras here. We stood up and continued to clap as they walked back down the aisle arm in arm, followed by their whole wedding party. I was sitting with some of Jamia’s loose friends to help hide my identity as the cameras were on the band members quite a lot. Gerard half smiled at me as the wind blew his hair, since the wedding was outdoors. I weakly smiled back and watched Frank and Jamia walk past, Frank winked subtly me and I continued walking behind them along with the rest of the procession.

I had been told to walk with Jamia’s friend, a woman named Danielle as she had blonde hair and blue eyes and if anyone asked, we were to say she was my relative, although I knew nobody would ask, they never really did.

I didn’t go to the wedding reception. If I did I would have been sat on my own all night since I couldn’t sit with the any of the guys cause of the cameras, and I certainly didn’t want to sit with strangers just to hide Gerard’s secret. I opted to spend the night at Donna and Donald’s. I spent my time sitting on the couch with Donna, while she watched some show or another on the T.V. I sighed to myself sadly, wishing I could just join in with my parents celebrations. I wanted nothing more than to be with Frank and join him in celebrating his big day, but I couldn’t, because it was too dangerous. Donna put her arm around me just as Donald came in from the kitchen with two mugs. He handed one to me and the other to Donna. They were filled with hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles.

“Thanks grandpa.” I smiled up at him. I loved that grandparents could always tell them something was up.

“No problem sweetie.”

“I’m still surprised you still have that locket.” Donna smiled, her eyes on the little locket around my neck. I looked at her questioningly.

“You know that Gerard lost his apartment in order to buy you that? He had to move in with Frank for a while cause he couldn’t pay the rent.” I was a little shocked at that.

“He got evicted for me?”

“Yep. Ever since you were born and came to The Way, you were always Gerard’s favourite. Other than Rachael he never bothered with any of the other kids, always preferring to be by himself, or with Mikey, until you came along. He looked after you more than I did because he wanted to be with you so much. I never thought he’d take to a child. Now look, you’re the apple of his eye.” Donna smiled with a fond expression, thinking back to Gerard’s teen years I guessed.

“What was Gerard like when he was younger? I don’t remember much.”

“Well I didn’t know him until he was fifteen, but he was a quiet boy, very close to Mikey. The poor souls had been through so much. He had such hidden talents! Like drawing, once my mother Elena taught him the basics, that was it, he was as good as the best of them. I never expected him to become a singer. He always seemed to prefer being invisible. I always fancied he’d become an artist. He once drew a picture of Rachael, Titanic style, and my god it was wonderful! Almost like a photograph. Yes, we always did have a soft spot for Gerard and Michael, hence why we adopted them. Such good boys.”

“Did you ever think he’d become a father?”

“I didn’t, not until you came along. He was never really interested in kids. The younger ones here just seemed to annoy and irritate him, he just generally kept away. I once asked him to watch one of the younger ones and he seemed so uncomfortable, had no idea what to do with him. I could see him being a bit of a childless recluse. Then you came along and it was like a parenting instinct took over. He knew exactly what to do and how to handle you. You know, once he stayed up all night with you when you caught the chicken pox? He told me to get some rest and moved your crib into his room. You poor thing, you were so sick, but Gerard stayed awake with you the whole night, applying lotion to you every few hours, keeping you hydrated, feeding you, changing your diaper... Yes he made a perfect little parent when you came along; he really came out of his shell.”

“Grandma... do you think I’m ungrateful for wishing Gerard would let people know who I am?” I asked, feeling incredibly guilty.

“Ellie May, I know this must be hard on you, but I don’t think you’re ungrateful. I can see where you’re coming from. I know it must be awful, having to miss out on events like Frank’s wedding just because you have to be hidden, but it really is for your safety.”

“I know it is. I just feel so left out sometimes. I get to do so much with them, to the point where I’m spoilt, but all I really want is just to feel included. I don’t get that feeling when I’m left hiding backstage or in the back room of the bus if they’re being interviewed.” She pulled me close to her and hugged me.

“You’ll always be loved, and you’ll always be Gerard and Frank’s priority. They’ll only ever do what’s best for you.”

“I know...”

“Now no more fretting. Let’s have this hot chocolate and watch your grandpa get angry at the crossword.” She smiled and looked at her husband. His glasses were almost at the bottom of his nose, much like Mikey’s used to be before his surgery, while leaning forward slightly over the newspaper. After a few hours, when it was nearing midnight, the phone rang. Donna answered it and spoke for a while before handing it to me.

“Hello?”

“Hey doll it’s me. Is everything okay? Are you having fun?” Frank asked. I smiled at his voice and felt happy that he was checking up on me when he should be having fun on his big day.

“Hey dad. I’m fine. Congratulations by the way! The service was great.”

“Yeah it was. You could have come to the reception you know El. I feel awful that you’re not here. You’re our baby!”

“I know, but I didn’t really wanna sit with strangers, and you shouldn’t have to be worried about me on your big day Frankie! I’m fine here with Donna and Donald. You better show me lots of pictures though!” I enthused and he laughed quietly.

“I will sweetheart don’t worry. Well I was just calling to check and make sure you were okay. Gerard and I have been thinking about you the whole time. We both feel so guilty about you not being there.”

“I’ve told you! It was my choice. I’m fine. Now be a good boy and go have fun.”

“Yes Ma’am. Enjoy your time with the Ways. I love you Ellie May Iero-Way.”

“I love you too dad.” We said our goodbyes and hung up. I loved it when he used my full name like that. It was like he really was counting me as his daughter.

“Okay little one, it’s bedtime.” Donna said with a smile. I agreed and turned my head to yawn. Grandpa had gone up to bed a while ago, but had done up and made the bed in Gerard’s old upstairs room (since he later moved into the basement) before he’d gone to sleep. Donna came and tucked me in, and I realised to myself how often I was treated like I was still a child.

“Goodnight darling. Sleep tight.” She turned off the light and closed the door behind her, leaving me in the dark. It was cold in this bare room, so I was glad of the lovely thick comforter that was on this bed. I beat the pillows to fluff them up before settling back down on my side, and falling asleep staring at the patterns in the old wallpaper.