If You Only Had a Heart

John O’Callaghan was the one boy I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with, the one person I would marry, have children and grow old together. The first two I would hope to have in that particular order. But I guess sometimes you don’t get what you want in life, though I wished you did. At this present moment, I was sat on the side of my bath, staring at the white stick that was placed on the bathroom counter, counting down from three minutes. Who would have thought that they would be the longest three minutes of you’re life? I took a deep breath as soon as the minutes were up, I leaned forward and grabbed the stick taking my time to look at the little screen, when I did my heart stopped. On the screen was a little pink plus sign, I was indeed pregnant.
It all started three weeks ago, the night before John left for his six month tour. It was their party for the night before tour, so it was going to be memorable. We were both wasted out of our heads and just put It this way, things heated up and John forgot to use a condom. Now I’m here suffering the consequence. I knew I was going to have to tell him that I was pregnant, but I knew that he wasn’t ready for children yet, he was still young, he wanted to have fun whilst he still could. The problem was I didn’t really have anyone to talk too, I never really had friends that were girls, I was mainly friends with John’s band mates, but they were all with him, obviously. I knew I had to do it, it was the only option I had at this present time. I slowly got up from where I was sat and walked back into my bedroom, looking around the creamy room, the pictures that were framed of John and I scattered in different places, looking at him in each, his smile never faltered, it gave me the last bit of encouragement I needed, I grabbed my phone from my bed before walking to seat in the window. I dialled his number and waited, on the fourth ring his melodic voice rang through the speakers.

“Hello beautiful” he spoke softly, I could tell he was smiling.

“Hey John, how’s everything?” I asked him trying to make conversation until I drop a bombshell on him.

“It’s great babe! I mean our fans love us, it’s just amazing to see them all, dancing and enjoying our music. It’s just so unbelievable” he said excitedly.

“That’s great John, I’m glad you’re have a good time, where are you at the moment?” I replied.

“We are in Boston tonight, then we are off to Atlanta tomorrow, well this evening” he chuckled.

“That’s good babe, sounds exciting. I have something to tell you…” I stated, I had to tell him now, else I never will.

“What’s up babe?” his voice sounded worried but calm.

“I-I’m pregnant” I stuttered.

The line went quiet.

“John?” I whispered

“Y-Yeah, urm, I have to go, I’ll talk to you later” he rushed before the line went dead.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it, If he didn’t call back by tonight, then I have no idea in hell I was going to do. We had to sort this out, I had no idea what I was going to do, I was all alone.

I waited up half the night for John’s call, it never came, I gave up and fell asleep with the promise to call him in the morning.

I sat up in bed the next morning, my cell balancing on my knees in front of me. I took a deep breath before picking it up and dialling his number. The phone was picked up on the third ring.

“Hello?” a female voice spoke from the other side of the line, my heart stopped in my chest.

Tears began shedding from my eyes, I hung up and threw it across the room. It smashed into pieces. I didn’t care. John had cheated on me and from that moment I knew I was alone, I had to stay strong for the baby, whether he wanted it or not, he no longer has a say in my life, to me he’s dead.

6 months later

I was the size of a bus, I swear, but what else could be expected at being six months pregnant? I was still living in sunny Arizona, in the beautiful Tempe, I didn’t see any reason in leaving my hometown just because of him. I moved out of John’s apartment and was now living on my own on the other side of town. I didn’t tell him anything, leave a note. Just left him with an empty home to return to, seriously it was empty I sold pretty much everything so I could take care of the offspring. Did I feel guilty? No. Why should I? I bought most the shit for his apartment anyways. I got a part time job in a record store, which I needed in order to support the baby and I, I got a new cell in replacement of the one I broke, in my little fury moment, so I would have no chance of being called by him and the others, as much as I loved the guys, it just wouldn’t be right anymore. I had been attending single mom meetings, which has helped me out a lot knowing I had people there for me and people who understood, as they were going through it themselves. We had one thing in common, the one person we loved, simply walked out and that’s why we all stick together.

Grabbing my keys off the kitchen counter, I headed out into town to get a few more bits for baby bump. I had got pretty much everything, but I needed some clothes for it, which was hard as I didn’t know the sex of the baby yet, I wanted it to be a surprise. I was so excited it wasn’t too long now. I lived close to the mall, so I just waddled down every so often, it was a good time to relax though my feet and ankles were killing me with the extra weight and all. I walked through the entrance of the mall, heading straight over to the Babies ‘R’ Us store, just walking in I fell pretty much in love with all the cute little baby clothes and shoes, they were all so tiny. When I had finally found what I was looking for, I bought them and walked out. I was half way across the fountain when my name was called.

“Christina?”

I stopped abruptly recognising the voice, I turned slowly to see Kennedy stood there.

“It is you” he breathed.

“Yeah… it’s nice to see you Kenny” I smiled weakly.

Kennedy walked forward a little way before pulling me into a somewhat hug, the bump stopped him half way.

“I see you’re getting bigger, how is it?” he asked.

“All is good thank you, three months until I pop this sucker out” I giggled. “How have you been?” I added.

“I’ve been good thank-you, we got back from tour yesterday, it was amazing” he said excitedly.

“Oh yeah, I’m glad you enjoyed it. How’s Garrett, Pat and Jared?” I asked.

“Yeah, they’re good. You know John’s a mess at the moment” he sighed.

“That’s good. As for John I couldn’t careless to be honest, how did he like coming home to nothing?” I snickered.

“Come on Chris, he tried calling you but never picked up, he really wanted to sort things out, he was heartbroken when he got back yesterday when he realised you had gone” he spoke quietly.

“I smashed my phone after I found out he cheated on me, well it’s not my problem now” I spoke. “You here alone?”

“No I’m with the-” he started before he was cut off.

“Kennedy! Guy’s I found him” a male voice yelled.

“the guys” Kennedy sighed finishing off what he had started to say.

“I’m guessing that was Pat?” I asked

Kennedy nodded, when all of a sudden he was tackled from behind. I had to bite my finger to stop me from laughing at the childish behaviour. Soon all but one of the boys were on top of Kennedy, John was stood with his hands in his pockets, his face full of sadness and regret. Though I had it in my mind that I was not going to forgive him. He looked up a little to meet my gaze before looking down at my rather large bump.

“Chris!” Pat, Garrett and Jared yelled all together as they run towards me.

“Stop! You’re going to hurt the baby if you run at me at that speed” I yelled but was laughing at the same time.

They all stopped just a second before they collided into me, all six eyes were on my stomach.

“Chris! You’re huge!” Garrett exclaimed.

“Thanks mr state the obvious” I chuckled.

I hadn’t realised that John was now standing beside me, what was he thinking?