If You Only Had a Heart

The guys had decided between themselves that I should hang out with them tonight at Kennedy’s house, meaning I had no choice in that matter, which to be honest I didn’t mind. It was nice to know they still wanted to be involved with me, though if only I could say the same. Sitting on the couch watching Garrett and Pat play left for dead, both screaming at the screen which obviously couldn’t hear them was quite amusing, they were just big kids in an adults body. Kennedy and Jared were sat beside me, cheering the guys on whereas John was sat on the chair in the corner, looking blankly at the screen, but at the corner of my eye I would occasionally see him look in my direction. I sat with my hand on my stomach, gently rubbing circles on to it, gazing into space, though I was soon disturbed when a someone stood over me, looking up I came face to face with John.

“Can we talk?” he asked politely.

“There’s nothing to talk about, John” I replied bluntly before averting my gaze back to the TV.

“You and I both know there is, so come on” he pushed.

I looked around the room at the guys, who seemed to be happy doing their own little thing.

“Whatever” I snickered.

I pushed myself carefully off of the couch, John went to help but I flinched away from his grasp, he simply just rolled his eyes before walking into the kitchen ahead of me, seeing as I had to waddle my way there. When I walked through the door John was leaning on the kitchen counter, I didn’t really want to stand near him so I sat at the dining table, furthest chair possible.

“I don’t bite” he said humorously.

“I never said you did” I replied bluntly “What did you want to talk about?” I added.

He looked from the window to directly at me.

“Us” he mumbled.

I shook my head.

“There is no us, therefore there is nothing to talk about” I sighed “it’s better like that”

“There was an us until I went and fucked it all up! How can you say it’s better like that? I still love you Chris, I want us to be a family, the baby, you and me” he croaked.

I looked at him more closely, he was sincere in his words, his eyes showed regret and sadness, but I couldn’t just him walk into my life like that, after everything.

“Yes, and what you did can not be undone, every time I look at you I’m going to be reminded of what you had done, you don’t want the baby John, you never did. Stop pretending like you do, if you wanted it, then you would have called back, you wouldn’t have cheated, we would be still in love, but that’s all gone now, I’m sorry but it’s going to stay like that” I stated.

Holding back the tears, I pulled myself up and out of the chair, before walking out of the kitchen door, looking back once to find John beside himself, tears escaping his beautiful green eyes. I found the guys where they originally were before I left the room with John, though I could tell they knew what was said, they all looked guilty, I gave them all a weak smiled before I waddled out of Kenny’s house and down the street, heading towards home.

John

I watched her walk out of the room, tears escaping from my eyes. What was I going to do? She wasn’t going to take me back, let me anywhere near our baby and everything else, all because I fucked up royally, I couldn’t stop with the drinks, I couldn’t keep in my pants when the first random girl came into view. I wiped away the tears in my eyes, taking a deep breath before entering the living room to see the guys sat there quietly.

“Did you hear all that?” I asked.

They all nodded and mumbled quiet Yeah’s

I walked over the couch and dropped myself into it, putting my face in my hands.

“What do I do?” I mumbled into my hands. “ I love her. I’ve completely ruined everything”

“You need to win her back!” yelled Pat from the other side of the room.

I dragged my hands down my face, looking at all four boys in front of me.

“I agree with Pat” Kennedy added “You’ve pretty much lost everything now, so you may as well give it a shot”

I nodded in agreement, that was a fair point, I had lost pretty much everything.

“Go get her man, you’ll regret it if you don’t” Garrett smiled.

Jared pulled me up from the couch, pushing me out the door.

“Don’t come back until you’ve won her heart!” he laughed before shutting the door behind me.

I honestly don’t know what I would do without these guys, I owe everything to them.

I had no idea which way Chris had gone, I had no idea where she lived now either so I went right, towards the end of the street. She couldn’t have got that far, seeing as she was rather slow on her feet with the little one in her stomach. I didn’t know exactly what I was going to say to her, I’m hoping it will just come to me…though you can’t trust that… but I was going to have too.

I had never been to this part of Tempe before, I had been walking for around fifteen minutes and ended up in a block of fairly nice apartments. I looked around, catching a glimpse of Chris a few blocks down. My heart started to beat furiously as I chased off down the road after her.

“Chris!! Christ stop walking…waddling…whatever… just stop!” I yelled/panted.

She didn’t… she just kept on walking. This girl was going to be the death of me…