If You Only Had a Heart

**See authors note**

Walking into the living room, where everyone was now sat quietly. There eyes all on me as I strode slowly further into the room, taking a seat beside Jared. No one said anything, I looked around the room, that was covered with Christmas decorations and wrapping paper trash. My eyes set on the small boy, who was sat beside the tree. His eyes sparkled at the site of his new presents, the smile on his face was far from fading. He was happy. He could tell that I was looking at him, as he turned to face me, our matching eyes met each other.

“Daddy!!” he yelled excitedly, getting up and running straight towards me as fast as he could.

The next thing I knew, he was on my lap, his arms around my neck.

“I ask Santa for you back, it was the top of my list” he smiled when he pulled back, putting his hands on either side of my face, like children do.

“Yes, I know. That’s why I’m here, Santa told me that a little boy wanted his daddy back” I smiled back at him, tears forming in my eyes.

Everyone was doing there own thing, chatting away, happy. I looked at the corner of my eye, Chris was stood with Kennedy, who had his arms wrapped around her. I felt a pang of jealousy and anger spread throughout me. Why the fuck was he with her? He knows that I still love her. A small hand waved in front of my face, I quickly changed my facial expression, so he doesn’t pick up on anything.

“I’m gwad you’re back daddy, we’ve missed yew” he said, his eyes sparkling with happiness.

All I could do was smile at him, before he climbed down off my lap and ran up to his mother, who picked him up and cuddled with him. Kennedy too joined in, which made my blood boil. He has no right to be with her. Never. She’s mine along with John.

“Don’t do anything stupid” Jared said from beside me, his face was serious.

“Wha-” I stared before he cut me off again.

“She’s happy, just leave them be, John. You had your chance, and you blew it…twice. There’s only so much she can take, don’t be selfish” he informed me, as a friend.

I looked around for help from Garrett and Pat.

“We both agree with Jared, John. You fucked up bad” Garrett spoke truthfully.

“How could you do it, John? I mean you had everything” Pat added shaking his head. “ I just don’t understand you anymore”

That was the wake up call I needed. I was a disgrace. Without a reply, I got up from the couch and walked towards Chris, John and Kennedy. I looked at them, John was fast asleep in Chris’ arms, I kissed him softly on the head.

“I’m sorry I let you down, little man. I love you” I whispered, tears escaping my eyes.

I looked up at Chris and Kennedy, nodding my head towards Kennedy.

“I’m sorry Chris, I let you both down, I think this is goodbye” I smiled wearily, more tears being shed.

I could see the tears prickling in her eyes. It hurt me, to see her hurt, knowing I was to blame.

“I love you, and Kennedy, look after them.” I forced a smile, before turning my back and towards the front door.

I looked back once more at the family I had left, who I had completely destroyed.

This was the final goodbye.