If You Only Had a Heart

A couple of days later, I was getting myself ready as I was now allowed to leave. In them two days I had seen my baby boy John, and the guys. I hadn’t seen Chris since the day I was put in here, so I was planning on going to see her today for a while. I grabbed the rucksack off the bed I had occupied for a while before slinging it over my shoulder and headed towards the door.

Walking out into the long hallways, walking past doors that led off into other rooms and other halls, I thanked the nurses as I walked past the nursing station before I found an elevator. Kennedy had told me Chris was on the third floor, so I pressed the huge ‘3’ button before leaning my back against the elevator walls, I was alone, just staring at my reflection opposite me, a few cuts were still visible of my face and stitches had been put into my eyebrow. Finally the doors opened and I stepped out onto the maternity ward, where I followed the corridor until I found a nurse, I had no luck. You could say this place was deserted, not one person in sight, just the sound of my foot steps echoing between the walls. A soft cry soon joined the sounds, I quietly walked over to the door where the source of the sound was coming from, peaking through the window in the door, I saw Chris sitting up in bed with our little boy in her arms feeding from a bottle. I smiled at the picture of our little family that was pictured inside my head. I opened the door carefully, and walked in. Chris’ face had lit up a little as she saw it was me who had walked through the door.

“John, you- you look a lot better” she smiled.

“Thanks, lucky you haven’t seen me in the last couple of days” I chuckled “ I looked a right state” I added whilst sitting on the bed beside her.

“I did come and see you John- you looked pretty rough” she sighed “ It’s my fault that happened to you”

It was her fault? How could she blame herself for that, it was an accident.

“It was not you’re fault, Chris. It was an accident, okay? Don’t you think for one second it was you’re fault” I informed promptly.

I saw a tear escape from her eye, I brought my hand up and brushed it away.

“I love you” I whispered.

She looked up from baby John, happiness filled in her eyes.

“I love you too John” she breathed.

I smiled before kissing her softly on the lips, careful not to crush little JohnOh.

three months later

John’s screams woke me up from my sleep, I looked down at Chris who was snuggled up in my arms asleep, I sighed heavily before climbing out of bed and heading to John’s nursery. As I walked along the cold wooden floor, I wiped my over tired eyes and opened the door. I got him out before rocking him gently in my arms, which done nothing but make him cry more.

“Shhh little man” I cooed softly.

I looked around for his dummy, but couldn’t find it. His screams were growing louder and louder which began to frustrate me even more.

“Please calm down” I whispered.

But still he cried and screamed even more… that’s when I lost it.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP” I yelled at him.

The bedroom light flickered on, I turned around to see Chris stood in the door way with a shocked expression planted on her face.

“Don’t shout at him like that John! What’s wrong with you?! She hissed at me, before walking over and taking John out of my arms.

“He wouldn’t shut up” I retorted.

“That’s what babies do John, they cry., they aren’t quiet” she whispered loudly.

“Whatever, you can sort him out” I spat before leaving the nursery and into our bedroom, immediately face planting the bed and dozing off.

Chris

I can’t believe John yelled at our helpless baby, I mean I understand that it does get too much, but swearing and yelling at him? That’s just too far.

I finally managed to get John to settle, and placed him back into his cot, I kissed him on the forehead before I left the room, turning the light out and shutting the door just enough so that I could still hear him if he cried. I walked back to mine and John’s bedroom, he was sprawled out over the bed asleep, soft snores escaped his body. I was in a pissed mood with John so I decided to sleep in the guest bedroom just across the hall. I climbed into bed before slowly drifting off.