This Is How I Disappear

I can't think of anything as I sit here on my best friends grave. I know that no one is going to come look for me. By now Delilah has told them of our fight and the thing I said. Those things were lies, I do love her and I do want our unborn child. But I am not stupid I know that the child deserves more than me. I can't even live life anymore, I have forgotten how. How am I supposed to raise a child, something I have never done before, I can't do. Or that is what I tell myself as I take another swig from my bottle of Jack. I want nothing more than to run over to Delilah and sweep her off her feet once again, but I can never do that again. I have taken enough pills to kill a horse, it's a miracle I can still lift this bottle of Jack. I have taken these pills in full knowledge of what the consequences would be, that is why I am lying on Jimmy's grave.
I can't handle life without him.
I can't breathe.
I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
I can't even dream

Because why should I be allowed to do all of these things if Jimmy can't. That's why I am ending my life. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve the people that have shattered. I know they will be better off with me gone, because with me gone there will be no more, pain, no more, suffering, and no more, tears. Sure they will be sad for a while, and my unborn child will wonder where I am, where I went and who I was. But that's when Delilah and the others will swoop in and tell him or her all the good things about me, all the things I accomplished. He or she will never have to see or know the man I am now. No one should have too, no one will.

I sat there for what seemed like ages before, I finally felt warmness taken me over, I am disappearing, and it is remarkable feeling, I am finding peace in this white light as every blissful moment of my is played in my mind.
My eyes are closed
My body is cold now.
My life is over, there is no more saving me.
It's all over now.