Goodbye My Lover

Blaine and I have known each other since we were five. We've got different tastes and hobbies but that didn't stop us from doing things together. We go to the arcade together, we eat together -- sometimes even sing together. Blaine would help tutor me in my studies since my dyslexia was somewhat making it hard for me to recognize alphabets or numbers. He had also tried to teach me to tie my shoelaces.

He had been patient and that had somehow gotten me to pass my mid-term exams. I'm still learning to tie my shoelaces but let's not get to that point yet. You could say we were the best of friends.

At least, at the time, Blaine thought we were.

All my life, I'd always known that I liked boys. And I don't mean that in a friendship sort of way either. Anyway, back to the topic. I've always had a crush on Blaine but I didn't have the guts to do anything about it until a few weeks before our final exams for middle school.

We were studying American History over at Blaine's when the latter had shoved his thick textbook aside with a bored expression written all over his face.

"I'm bored," he said as he stood up and walked over to the window to look at the world outside. He was wearing the T-shirt he had gotten from Harvard that one time we went over to check the place out. It had always been his dream university and he was pretty joyful for getting the shirt as a souviner.

No one would've known Blaine to be in the football team if he didn't tell them. Heck, they'd be surprised to hear it coming out from his mouth. I can't blame them for thinking like that.

He wasn't exactly buff like the other boys in the school's football team. He looked like a hobbit -- to me at least. But like the old expression say: Short people can run faster.

Okay, maybe it's not true but it made perfect sense when Blaine explained it to me at the time.

I stared at him for a couple of moments before my eyes shifted back onto the jumbled up words on the textbook I was currently studying.

"We should be revising," I pretended to scoff but he was already in front of me, tossing my book to the side as he took a seat next to me on the bed. I shifted awkwardly at the close distance between our bodies. Perhaps I should tell him that one secret I've kept to myself from him -- or rather, how I felt about him.

"I was thinking of taking Alicia out for the Homecoming dance," Blaine turned to me with a grin. As soon as he said them, I felt my heart sink.

Who was I kidding? He doesn't feel the same way about me. He considers me his best friend who will always have his back no matter what -- like I had been doing since forever. I was there for him when he went through his first heartbreak, I was there as his wingman when he asked Alicia Stratom to be his girlfriend. I have and always will be his best friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Earth to Sam," Blaine's voice snapped me out of my thoughts as he waved his palm in front of me. I blinked a few times and looked up at him with a forced smile. "What's wrong?" He tilted his head to the side with concern written all over his face.

"Nothing," I lied, reaching out for the textbook sitting next to him but he pushed my hands away with a chuckle.

"I know something's bothering you so just come out with it," he quickly took my book and placed it under his thighs so I would have difficulty prying them off from under him.

"Nothing is wrong, Blaine," I insisted, feeling tired all of a sudden as I tried to take the textbook from under his thighs. He kept pushing my hands away and then, before we know it, we started laughing like a bunch of idiots, playfully shoving each other.

"You going to tell me? You going to tell me?" Blaine reached out to tickle my sides. I wasn't all that ticklish so it was my turn to tickle him. Good thing I knew where his ticklish spots were. I flicked my fingers all around the sides of his stomach causing him to lie on the bed and burst out laughing.

I stradled over him to keep his weight down, not stopping the tickles I was giving him even though he begged for me to stop.

"I give up!" Blaine was panting and laughing all at the same time. "I give up!"

I stopped but didn't get off his body as I looked down at him and gave him a smug smile. "You know how I would always win whenever it comes to the tickling game."

"Note to self: never ever try to tickle you again," Blaine agreed, his breathing heavy but the smile never left his face.

Then it happened.

We were staring into each other's eye, the smile slowly fading. And I felt it. His hard member poking my butt through his denims. I felt my eyes widened in surprise and looked at him weirdly. "Blaine are you..."

"No," Blaine quickly answered, trying to laugh it off but it came out all fake.

I didn't know what came over me then. I leaned forward and our lips touched. It felt magical. It felt like a surge of unknown energy exploding inside my chest. Like I could see fireworks.

Blaine froze at first but after a moment, he reached out to cup my face and then he was kissing me back. I felt ecstatic. I mean, who wouldn't be if they'd gotten their first kiss from their first love? It was too perfect.

In fact, it was too perfect until Blaine had somehow snapped back to reality and used all his strength to pushed me away, causing me to fall off him and off the bed onto the floor.

"What the fuck?" he stared at me, his fingers on his lips with so many emotions on his face; confusion, sadness but mostly rage. I quickly scrambled to stand up and put my arms out to him.

"I can explain," I tried to reason but he was already freaking out.

"Get the fuck out of my room... Get out of my fucking house!"

"Blaine -"

"GET OUT!" he yelled and I quickly grabbed my jacket and ran out of his room, down the stairs, out the house and down the road to wherever my legs would take me.

What the hell was I thinking for kissing him like I did just now?