Status: forgot about this so might continue
Nevermind
empty room
I soon discovered the soul inside Karolina; at a house party in December.
We had arrived at the party, I'm not even sure when. We stalked around the perimeters of each room, like lions. Never engaging, not yet. Kaede was the first to break the boundary. She went right for the drinks table in the kitchen. She handed a drink to Karolina and me. Once they had swallowed their drink, they looked dangerous. Their eyes glazed over and it seemed from that point on, they were no longer themselves. Karolina started looking at everything with this face; she looked lost but like she was going to beat the shit out of you. Kaede also discovered the resident stereo. We all found ourselves removed from the everyone and everything at the party. Despite the many other teenagers surrounding us and music playing loudly; it was all so tuned out. And we hadn't even smoked anything yet.
An hour later, Karolina had disappeared. Probably puking in the toilet, I thought. I was nursing a beer, and Kaede was dancing with a couple guys from our school. I had conveniently placed myself on a chair at the bottom of the stairs. I grinned at Nick who was sitting with his arm around a girl from my math class.
I wandered upstairs, trying to avoid bedrooms. There was a wide open door to a white-washed room. Karolina was sitting against the wall, smoking a cigarette. There was a pile of books and boxes and clothes and garbage in the opposite side of the room.
" I trashed it." She said, as soon as she saw me at the door.
" I can fucking see that." I said quietly, beginning to chuckle. She did not smile, just merely took another drag. "What are you doing here?" I walked inside slowly. There was nothing in the room, except for the pile and Karolina. I instantly felt terrible for whose house this was.
"Nothing." She barely whispered. Her head was lolling around and she looked tired. I wasn't even sure if I was drunk, I pretended so many other things I was never sure of what was actually affecting me. Deep in thought would be the best word to describe her at this moment. No other description fit and still "Deep in thought" was still not close enough to what she was feeling. I closed the door and found myself walking over and sitting beside her.
"Do you even give a shit about anybody?" She asked, quite bluntly, still not looking at me. I nearly said something, then I paused. "Because you should think about it, y'know? People are going to start to notice."Karolina added, hopefully sarcastically.
" I don't know." I answered finally. "I guess so. Sometimes I might just have people in my life. I think I do."
"The only thing that makes it part of your life is that you keep thinking about it. And we all cling to that." She replied, nonchalantly. "This is not our fantasy, Ilya."
She was starting to talk nonsense. She was saying these bizarre and meaningful things but they had no context. I was beginning to think she was just crazy. From then on, I actually started to give a shit about her.
We had arrived at the party, I'm not even sure when. We stalked around the perimeters of each room, like lions. Never engaging, not yet. Kaede was the first to break the boundary. She went right for the drinks table in the kitchen. She handed a drink to Karolina and me. Once they had swallowed their drink, they looked dangerous. Their eyes glazed over and it seemed from that point on, they were no longer themselves. Karolina started looking at everything with this face; she looked lost but like she was going to beat the shit out of you. Kaede also discovered the resident stereo. We all found ourselves removed from the everyone and everything at the party. Despite the many other teenagers surrounding us and music playing loudly; it was all so tuned out. And we hadn't even smoked anything yet.
An hour later, Karolina had disappeared. Probably puking in the toilet, I thought. I was nursing a beer, and Kaede was dancing with a couple guys from our school. I had conveniently placed myself on a chair at the bottom of the stairs. I grinned at Nick who was sitting with his arm around a girl from my math class.
I wandered upstairs, trying to avoid bedrooms. There was a wide open door to a white-washed room. Karolina was sitting against the wall, smoking a cigarette. There was a pile of books and boxes and clothes and garbage in the opposite side of the room.
" I trashed it." She said, as soon as she saw me at the door.
" I can fucking see that." I said quietly, beginning to chuckle. She did not smile, just merely took another drag. "What are you doing here?" I walked inside slowly. There was nothing in the room, except for the pile and Karolina. I instantly felt terrible for whose house this was.
"Nothing." She barely whispered. Her head was lolling around and she looked tired. I wasn't even sure if I was drunk, I pretended so many other things I was never sure of what was actually affecting me. Deep in thought would be the best word to describe her at this moment. No other description fit and still "Deep in thought" was still not close enough to what she was feeling. I closed the door and found myself walking over and sitting beside her.
"Do you even give a shit about anybody?" She asked, quite bluntly, still not looking at me. I nearly said something, then I paused. "Because you should think about it, y'know? People are going to start to notice."Karolina added, hopefully sarcastically.
" I don't know." I answered finally. "I guess so. Sometimes I might just have people in my life. I think I do."
"The only thing that makes it part of your life is that you keep thinking about it. And we all cling to that." She replied, nonchalantly. "This is not our fantasy, Ilya."
She was starting to talk nonsense. She was saying these bizarre and meaningful things but they had no context. I was beginning to think she was just crazy. From then on, I actually started to give a shit about her.