Status: activeish
I'm New to This
Invited
Day 3;
It’s good to be back with you, laptop. Ahhh just wait till I tell you how my day went!
3 days… 3 days, right? Well, it’s been three days since we landed in Australia annndd… idk everything’s been crazy. The whole uniform-no-piercing-conformity thing is… idk surprisingly not that bad.
But that guy… that guy, I can’t stop thinking about him. I mean, why did that happen? Why did I freak out like that? That’s never really happened before… maybe I’m turning gay?
Haha that’ll be the day.
Until tomorrow, Felix………. Aha
I chuckled as I closed my laptop. Me? Gay?
I flew back onto my lumpy mattress, trying to be dramatic with my teenage angst. Then it occurred to me, could I be gay?
Am I gay?
Of course, like I’ve been bred to believe, I instantly deny that thought. But trying to be that progressive youth, I bring it back up.
The thing is, I’ve never really had the confirmation that I’m straight. I write about love and angst and finding yourself, but I don’t know the half of it. I’ve never felt this way for a guy before, but… I haven’t felt this way for a girl, either.
I’ve been so wrapped up in books and my stories and these wild fantasies, I’ve never bothered to find what I am. I don’t know what I am.
If I turn out to be gay, I’m okay with it.
That’s what I tell myself as I finally close my eyes.
I have no idea what I’m doing with my life and what to do with it. Or how to do it.
.
“Bye, dad.” I say as he smiles and drives away. Sighing and ending it with a fake-enthusiastic smile, I turn around to face the school again.
I hadn’t thought of the kid, Owen, since Tuesday, and it‘s Friday, but he just suddenly pops into my mind again. Did he go here? Am I really gay?
Then all of a sudden, a significantly larger boy bumps into me in a harsh way, the way where I almost fall backwards and have to take a step back just to keep myself standing.
“Fag.” he mumbles just loud enough for me to hear him. I shoot my head back to look at the perpetrator, my expression one of confusion. He’s looking at me too, obviously looking for some reaction. I just stare at him for a second longer, than turn my head forward and continue walking.
Did he read my mind?
Laughing at this, I head off to my first class. Today was Friday, and I wasn’t going to let a childish bully ruin that.
I arrived to math with Liam (my dumb class) and sat down next to him.
“Good morning,” I said as he turned to me. He raised his eyebrows in the way his expressive eyebrows always rise, not saying anything but smiling.
“How ya going?” he asked me at last. At first, I didn’t know what he meant, but I caught myself quickly. I was still getting used to the way people spoke here.
“Good. Glad it’s Friday, that’s for sure.”
“Aye.”
After that, we both turned toward the front of the class and the class begun.
Throughout the lecture, Liam kept getting out his phone and texting someone. I noted this, but didn’t really dwell on it. When the lecture finally ended and class began to chatter, Liam turned to me, flipping his phone shut.
“Felix,”
“Yeah?”
“There’s a party on the beach tonight. You wanna come?”
“Party?”
“Yeah, I want you to come with me,” he repeated, smiling. I didn’t really want to go, but who could say no to that face?
“Um, I guess I could..”
It’s good to be back with you, laptop. Ahhh just wait till I tell you how my day went!
3 days… 3 days, right? Well, it’s been three days since we landed in Australia annndd… idk everything’s been crazy. The whole uniform-no-piercing-conformity thing is… idk surprisingly not that bad.
But that guy… that guy, I can’t stop thinking about him. I mean, why did that happen? Why did I freak out like that? That’s never really happened before… maybe I’m turning gay?
Haha that’ll be the day.
Until tomorrow, Felix………. Aha
I chuckled as I closed my laptop. Me? Gay?
I flew back onto my lumpy mattress, trying to be dramatic with my teenage angst. Then it occurred to me, could I be gay?
Am I gay?
Of course, like I’ve been bred to believe, I instantly deny that thought. But trying to be that progressive youth, I bring it back up.
The thing is, I’ve never really had the confirmation that I’m straight. I write about love and angst and finding yourself, but I don’t know the half of it. I’ve never felt this way for a guy before, but… I haven’t felt this way for a girl, either.
I’ve been so wrapped up in books and my stories and these wild fantasies, I’ve never bothered to find what I am. I don’t know what I am.
If I turn out to be gay, I’m okay with it.
That’s what I tell myself as I finally close my eyes.
I have no idea what I’m doing with my life and what to do with it. Or how to do it.
.
“Bye, dad.” I say as he smiles and drives away. Sighing and ending it with a fake-enthusiastic smile, I turn around to face the school again.
I hadn’t thought of the kid, Owen, since Tuesday, and it‘s Friday, but he just suddenly pops into my mind again. Did he go here? Am I really gay?
Then all of a sudden, a significantly larger boy bumps into me in a harsh way, the way where I almost fall backwards and have to take a step back just to keep myself standing.
“Fag.” he mumbles just loud enough for me to hear him. I shoot my head back to look at the perpetrator, my expression one of confusion. He’s looking at me too, obviously looking for some reaction. I just stare at him for a second longer, than turn my head forward and continue walking.
Did he read my mind?
Laughing at this, I head off to my first class. Today was Friday, and I wasn’t going to let a childish bully ruin that.
I arrived to math with Liam (my dumb class) and sat down next to him.
“Good morning,” I said as he turned to me. He raised his eyebrows in the way his expressive eyebrows always rise, not saying anything but smiling.
“How ya going?” he asked me at last. At first, I didn’t know what he meant, but I caught myself quickly. I was still getting used to the way people spoke here.
“Good. Glad it’s Friday, that’s for sure.”
“Aye.”
After that, we both turned toward the front of the class and the class begun.
Throughout the lecture, Liam kept getting out his phone and texting someone. I noted this, but didn’t really dwell on it. When the lecture finally ended and class began to chatter, Liam turned to me, flipping his phone shut.
“Felix,”
“Yeah?”
“There’s a party on the beach tonight. You wanna come?”
“Party?”
“Yeah, I want you to come with me,” he repeated, smiling. I didn’t really want to go, but who could say no to that face?
“Um, I guess I could..”
