I'm New to This

“Nobody told me this was a surfing party,” I exclaimed, looking around as boys filled the ocean, floating around on their surf boards. Liam, who was sitting next to me in the sand, laughs at what I’ve said.

“Sorry, it slipped my mind,” he said, yet still smiling at me expectantly. To say the least, I was over dressed and out of place. I smiled back, looking at Liam.

“Why are you wearing a sweatshirt?” I asked, feeling very hot in my skimpy t-shirt. He shrugged, pulling out two beers from an ice bucket situated next to him. He leaned over and gave me one, which I took.

“It’s a bit cold,” he finally answered. I nodded, remembering how it was their winter of sorts. I tried to open my beer, trying to twist the cap off.

“Ow!” I mumbled, pulling my hand away and shaking it. Looking over to Liam, I saw him use a bottle opener. Duh, I think to myself. Sheepishly, I lean over and hold my bottle out to Liam. He looks at me, and smiles when he realizes what I’m getting at. He takes the bottle and opens it, then hands it back to me. I mumbled a ‘thank you.’

Liam suddenly puts his beer down and stands up. I look up at him from the ground. Then he takes off his sweatshirt. I look down shyly when he does this, cause, who wants to be caught staring at his body? Not me.

But, he catches my attention again.

“Oi, I’ma catch some waves. You should watch,” he told me, raising his eyebrows in excitement at the end, almost like a child. I smiled up at him.

“Okay, sure.”

At that, Liam picked up a board and headed off to the water. A few followed after him and I was left by the fire alone.

I lifted the beer and looked at the brand. It was some kind I had never heard of, but I took a sip. I instantly spit it out.

“Ugh! This tastes like shit!” I say, beginning to laugh at myself. Slamming the beer bottle into the sand and making sure it stays put, I let myself fall back into the sand. I yawn, the turn my head to the waves. There seems to be some good ones now, so the boys are taking turns riding them.

And it’s all very surreal, actually. The sky is just turning dark, with a dim pink glow on the horizon, the ocean and the boys surfing. The fire crackling at my feet. Me, laying in the sand--it all seems not real at all. Like I was in a dream. Like I really didn’t live in Australia.

I let out a sigh, beginning to rub my eye area in that way the means you’re tired or stressed or worried.

“I wanna go home,” I mumbled incoherently to myself, even though I don’t really mean it. I just mean that I don’t like feeling out of place. I didn’t really have anything going for me back in the states… not any real friends, school wasn’t that great. Not much was happening for me. So, it’s not like I miss it. I just don’t like being out of my comfort zone, I don’t really want to ‘start over’.

“Home? ‘s that the United States?” a sudden voice asked.

I instantly removed my hands and opened my eyes. I was looking up at a very nicely built, and tan body holding a surf board. I suddenly felt a jolt in the pit of my stomach. It was Owen. He was hear. Alone with me. Shit.

“Y-yeah..” I managed to out sputter out like an idiot. Is left eyebrow tweaked and raised in a scrutinizing manner. Then he slammed his board into the sand right behind my head, and it caught me off guard, making me flinch. Once he did this, he walked around me and sat down next to me. Feeling like a moron for still lying on my back, I instantly sat up right. Owen looked at me, then he looked at the beer in the sand. He picked it up and glanced at it for a second before looking back at me.

“You drinkin’ this?” he asked me, motioning to the beer by shaking it a little.

I shook my head quietly. He took a swig instantly after. Then he turned to me and looked at me for a long time. All the while, my heart was pumping like mad and I was beginning to grow pink, but he didn’t seem to be judging me or anything. He just seemed to be looking. In the meantime, I seemed to be fidgeting with my toes.

Finally, he said something. “What’s it like? In America?” he asked, taking a swig.

Come on, Felix. You gotta answer him this time. You gotta seem cool.

“U-um,” I began, scratching my head and realizing I had no idea how to answer him. “Where I l-lived it was landlocked, so the beaches are a new thing. Before, I’d only been to the beach a few times…”

He nodded slowly, looking as if he was absorbing what I had said. “So, you never been in the ocean?”

I shook my head again. “Not really.”

He thought for a moment. “You should come surf with us.” he finally said, motioning to the boys in the ocean with his head.

“N-no, I-I--” I began, but luckily, I was interrupted by someone screaming my name.

“Felix! FELIX!!” Owen and I both looked to the ocean to see Liam sitting aboard his board, yelling my name and waving frantically. I began to become embarrassed, and feebly waved back to him.

“Liam,” Owen mumbled in a roll-your-eyes sort of manner.

“Watch this!!” Liam called to us, more likely to me, as he then proceeded to lay out on his board and paddle out to the next wave.

Owen and I both pretended to look, but Owen spoke again.

“He idolizes you in the oddest way,” he said without looking at me. At first, I didn’t really know he was talking to me, so when I realized this, I was startled into saying what was on my mind.

“I have no idea why, I’m not even manly or anything,” I answered with a chuckle. I heard his laugh, and he looked back at me over his shoulder… Smiling for the first time. At least, since I met him. And it was this little half-smile, smirky thing. And I couldn’t help but smile a little myself.

“He probably likes you because of that fact,” Owen mused out loud. It didn’t really make sense to me.

“What do you mean?” I ask. He looks back again, and by now his smile has faded, but the corners of his mouth threatened to form a smile again. He didn’t smile though, just shook his head and turned back to face the ocean.

“Nah, nothing,” he finally mumbled. I was curious, but I just let it go and it eventually slipped from my mind.

We sat a while in silence, the laughs and cries of the boys, and now girls, coming from the waters. Finally, something came to my attention.

“Um, hey,” I said hesitantly, wondering if I should poke him on the back or something to get his attention. He looked back, though, so I was glad that I hadn’t poked him.

“Yeah?”

“I, uh, I gotta pee… is there, like, a place to go to do it? A bathroom or a hole in the ground or a secluded area?” I asked. Owen chuckled under his breath.

“Yeah,” he said, standing up. When I didn’t do the same, he made a motion with his hand. “C’mon.”

I stood up then and followed him. We walked in silence until we came to a tall, secluded dune of sand.

“Here? Isn’t this out of the open?” I asked, looking around.

“Yeah,” he responded, shrugging. Then he leaned down and dug a shallow hole with his hand in the sand. “Just kick the sand over when you’re done. I’ll keep watch for if someone comes.”

“Oh,” I said, nodding as he turned away. Once I made sure he was fully turned away and not turning around anytime soon, I unzipped my pants.

When I was done with my business, I kicked some sand over the wet sand like he had instructed. It took me a while, though. Because at first, I was just digging my feet into sand hopelessly. After a few trials of this, I finally leaned down and pushed it over with my hands. When I achieved my task, I stood up straight and turned around hastily.

But Owen was waiting right behind me, so my sudden movements just proved to cause a collision that, I’m sure, neither of us wanted. He caught me, though, before it could really get bad. And of course, my breath sort of stopped and my face began to grow hot.

“S-sorry,” I mumbled.

“’s okay,” he said, letting go of me. But his expression was a little off-putting. He seemed like he was thinking hard and I wondered why. Probably why I was such a bumbling fool.

We stood awkward for a moment. After a second or two, he crossed his arms over his chest and hunched his back a little bit, and it was weird because it made him seem like he was almost… nervous. I couldn’t imagine why.

Maybe he’s onto my weird sexually-confused thoughts.

All of a sudden, he breaks the cross of his arms and pointed at my hair.

“So, is that you’re natural hair?” he asked, beginning a bit unsure, but growing back to how he was by the end. I moved my eyes to look up, as if I could see my hair, and grabbed a strand.

“This? No,” I said sarcastically. “It’s dyed.”

“Does it… mean something?” he asked, reaching out and picking up his own strand or two. I dropped the one I had in my hand, my heart jolting once or twice.

“Hm? No… I don’t know, it was pretty norm back where I lived, but I guess I stick out majorly here. Maybe I should dye it back…” I muse.

“No, I don’t think you should. It looks good.” he says as if it’s nothing.

I gulp and my cheeks turn more pink. “Oh…kay…” I say, unable to speak like a normal human being because he’s coming closer, he’s closer than he was a second ago. My heart is speeding up and I don’t know what to do.

Owen gently set the strand of hair back into it's place. His hand, which I suddenly notice is very big, softly runs down my hair. I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m looking up at his blue-green eyes and he’s looking down at my hazel ones intently. And he won’t break the gaze, he just won’t look away. I breathing in a shaky breath through my mouth because for some reason I can’t use my nose, like I’m sick or I’m a child.

And then he slips his hand from where it was to under my hair, where his thumb is on my cheek and his four fingers are under a layer of hair below my ear, or even over my ear. And this is where my heart stops, I swear, because he’s closer than ever, than he’s ever been and he’s beginning to lean down closer, making our heads closer. And he finally breaks the stare, only to glance down to my lips, which I’m sure I’m biting but I’m too far gone to notice. And all the while I know what’s happening but I don’t, and I’m denying it all but I'm not denying it.

Our lips are so close--so close, that I can’t breath or think or whatever. And I know we’re gonna kiss, I just know it. We’re so close, that I don’t care. I don’t care that I’m not gay. It was happening and I wasn’t doing anything to stop it. I’m not doing anything to stop it. I began to close my eyes, I’m sure he began to do the same. I’m sure.

“Oi! Felix?! Owen?!”

Both of our eyes shot open as if we were snapped out of a trance. All in a flash, we flew meters away from each other. I’m sure I looked like I was almost run over, and he had his hand over his mouth and his eyebrows dug down so far together it was like they were sculpted that way.

Liam emerged from around the corner of the dune, wet from the ocean.

“There you shits are!” he said with a laugh and a smile.

“Yeah,” I heard Owen say. I looked over to him. His look from just moments before had vanished and now he wore the usual one. “I was showing Felix where to piss.”

“Ah,” Liam said, smiling at me. I glanced Owen’s way, before walking towards Liam.

“So, um, are you done surfing?” I ask as we begin to walk back to the fire. Liam smiles in a mock-teasing way.

“Why? You want me to be?” he asked. I did a little forced laugh, hoping it wouldn’t reveal my unease.

“Well, it’s a bit boring when I sit around alone,” I said. Liam’s eyes sparked up and he smiled even more.

“Okay, yeah, then I’m done!” he says enthusiastically.

I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t want to be left alone with Owen. Not after what almost happened.

When we got back to the fire, Owen grabbed his board and headed off for the ocean. Some of the people had come back, so he was a bit late going out to the waves. But he went and I watched him go.