Before I fall

I sat on Shane’s couch, my head resting on his shoulder and a cup of tea in my hands.

He changed the channel on the television once more when a commercial came on and then he threw the remote down before looking down at me, “You doing better?” He asked.

I sighed and straightened up on his couch, “Yeah, I’m better.”

“Then you wouldn’t mind telling me what happened?”

I could already feel the tears threatening to come back up, “Um, my mom and dad finally broke the news. They’re getting a divorce.”

He pursed his lips and slung his arms around my shoulder, bringing me close, “I’m sorry, B.”

“You know, he knew about mom’s affair.”

He pulled back slightly and said, “He knew your mom was cheating on him?”

I nodded, “Apparently, they were planning this for awhile.”

“Brooke, I’m so sorry.” He said.

I stood up and he did too, “You’re leaving?” He asked.

“I should.”

“Are you sure? I mean, you could bunk here if you want.”

I shook my head, “I couldn’t do that. I mean it’s an invasion and I just-“

“My mom would be more than willing.”

“I don’t want to have to call my parents.”

“My mom can do it. Or maybe I can.”

“Shane, I’m sorry I can’t-“

I was frozen, I was shocked. I couldn’t move and I felt numb. I’d never felt anything like it. His lips were caressing mine, and I loved it. I couldn’t help but kiss back, I fought through my shock, and I fought through my numbness. His hand was placed behind my neck and the other on my lower back. I didn’t know where my hands when I felt something soft. I knew it was his hair. The kiss was amazing. It felt so magical. Wonderful. That is until reality set in.

I pushed away. I pushed away from the moment I’d always been waiting for. I pushed away from the thing I’ve always wanted.

I stared at him, wide-eyed and he did too.

“Brooke-“

“Oh my gosh.”

“Brooke, listen-“

“I have a boyfriend.” I blurted. “I have a boyfriend and he’s your friend. Why would you kiss me?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I don’t know what came over me.”

“And after everything I’ve been going through. I just told you my parents got divorced-“

“Brooke, I said I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it.”

“What else do you want me to say? You know what; I’m tired of lying to you.”

“What do you mean you’re tired of lying to me?”

“I like you Brooke! I like you a lot! I really do!”

“Shane, stop-“

“I can’t stop, Brooke. I like you. That’s why I kissed you. I want you.” He whispered the last part.

I shook my head. Is this really happening? The moment I’ve been waiting on forever is finally happening and I’m not accepting it.

“I have to go.” I said, my voice cracked.

He sighed, “Brooke-“

“No, I have to go. I really do.”

He followed me to door and I quickly opened it, walking outside.

“It’s late, Brooke. Come back inside.”

“I’m fine.”

“Just… please go home.”

Yeah right, I thought. “I will.” I muttered.

I walked down the street. His door was still open. He was watching me. Not only could I feel it. But I saw the beam of light on the road.

When I rounded the corner, finally, I broke into a run. I ran and I didn’t stop until I was literally out of breath. I sat down and broke into tears.

Why can’t I just be perfect?