Maybe Holding Hands Wasn't Such a Good Idea

It was only the beginning of September and my best friend, Kara Sanders, and I were just about through with our second week of our sophomore year.

“You know what sucks about the last class of the day?” I whispered to Kara.

The dark haired girl just shrugged, too bored to actually answer me verbally.

“It always takes forever to come to an end,” I said resting my head on my desk.

Kara grunted, much like a caveman, in agreement.

“Well, at least it’s Friday,” I said carrying on this very one-sided conversation.

Kara issued another Cro-Magnon grunt.

“Dude, you’ve been hanging around your brother and his friends too much,” I said at her grunt.

She nudged my side and rolled her eyes as our History teacher, Ms. Barnes, wrote our homework assignment on the board.

I sighed as I wrote it down in my notebook. “Does she seriously need to ruin our weekend with this essay assignment?” I asked Kara.

“It’s just ’cause she’s miserable, Liv, and you know what they say about misery,” Kara said putting her textbook in her blue messenger bag.

“So you can speak,” I murmured just loud enough for her to hear.

Kara grinned at me. “Yes, I do happen to have an incredible handle on the English language. So you still sleeping over tonight?”

“Yeah, but, Tyler can’t give me a ride, so it looks like I’m walking with you,” I said.

“Cool. Well, except, we’re not walking; Matt said he’d drive me home today,” Kara doodled in her notebook.

My hand tightened on my pen involuntarily at the sound of Matt’s name and jerked, making me draw a nice, long diagonal black line through half of my notes.

“Oh, jeez,” Kara commented. “Still? I thought you were over your whole crush-on-Matt-thing?”

“I was—I mean, I am,” I relaxed my death grip on my pen. “It was just a knee-jerk reaction is all.”

“Mmhmm,” Kara said. “Seriously, your crush on my older brother—”

“Former crush,” I interrupted. “I don’t like him like that anymore. Besides, I’m with Tyler now.”

Kara opened her mouth to speak and the final bell rang loudly cutting her short. She slung her messenger bag onto her slim shoulder and turned to me. “Matt said if I wasn’t at the truck five minutes after the bell, he’d take off and make me walk, so let’s get going.”

“I have to get something out of my locker. I’ll meet you at the front steps of the school,” I said adjusting the straps of my backpack onto my shoulders.

“Remember,” Kara warned. “Five minutes.”

“I’ll be there in two,” I promised walking out of the class and toward my locker at a fast pace.

When I got to my locker, there was a yellow Post-It note stuck to the door.

Had to get to football practice early. Love you. -Tyler

I glared at the note. When I first started dating Tyler, I liked how he took the time to stick on a note on my locker instead of just sending me a text. Now, however, I wish he’d just send me a stupid text.

I ripped the note off a little too violently and got my Algebra 2 book out of my locker. I stuck the note in between the pages of my book, made a mental note to put it with the others and slammed the metal door shut. I still had the same Tyler-inspired grimace on my face when I spotted Kara at the entrance of the building.

“K!” I shouted running toward her.

Kara turned to look at me. “Hurry up!” She shouted back.

When I reached her, she grabbed my hand in a vice like grip, almost cutting off my circulation, and made a mad dash for Matt’s truck, dragging me behind.

“Someone seems like they’re in a good mood,” Kara said, her breathlessness marring her sarcasm. She only slowed down when she spotted Matt in the parking lot.

“Tyler left another note on my locker,” I told her with disdain as my eyes, of their own volition, strayed to Matt’s muscular frame.

Matt Sanders is Kara’s older brother, a senior to our sophomore, frontman of my favorite band, Avenged Sevenfold, and incredibly, incredibly good looking.

“You’re doing it again,” Kara said quietly, nudging my side.

I tore my gaze away from Matt at her amused tone. “Doing what?”

“Eye-fucking my brother.”

“I wasn’t,” I defended myself quickly.

Kara snorted. “Dude, you can’t lie to me. I know what I saw.”

“You saw absolutely nothing,” I whispered harshly as we neared Matt and his friends, Zacky and Jimmy.

Kara looked away from me with one last knowing glance before turning a dazzling smile to her brother and his friends. “Hey, guys.”

“My Karebear!” Jimmy said lifting Kara into his long arms and twirling her around.

I watched with a small smile on my face, they always did this. Jimmy was absolutely crazy, wonderful pretty much all of the time. He was always really happy. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him unhappy at all.

“My Jimbo!” Kara squealed happily as he spun her around. “Whoa! Let me down, I’m getting dizzy.”

“Fine, but only because Matt will shit a brick if you puke in his truck.” Jimmy, with a small pout on his lips at his interrupted fun, reluctantly put Kara back on her feet.

“You’re looking a little green there, K,” Zacky said patting her back.

“You okay?” I asked.

“I’m fine. The ground has stopped spinning,” Kara smiled. “Is it cool if we give Liv a ride, Matt?”

Matt just nodded as he pocketed his phone and got into the driver’s seat of his silvery-grey crew cab, a grim expression on his face, his full lips set in a determined frown.

“All aboard,” Jimmy said quietly, noticing the sudden mood Matt seemed to be in.

Kara hopped into the front seat and I was sandwiched between Zacky and Jimmy in the backseat.

Jimmy had barely gotten his door closed before Matt started to drive too fast out of the student parking lot. When he stopped at the light at the end of the block, he put a CD into the player and blasted it as loud as it would go, there was no way a single voice could be heard over the music. The whole truck was shaking violently with the volume.

Matt sped down the street, going too fast the entire way. My hands were tightly gripping my seatbelt and I was humming Metallica to help calm myself down. All the while, I was trying not to picture the truck wrapped around a telephone pole with the twisted, ruined metal crunched and destroyed, while the engine was engulfed in awesome flames, and the broken shards of glass covered the street in the wake of the accident. I did not want to die today. I closed my eyes and hummed even louder. I felt Matt turn right sharply and my left shoulder hit Zacky’s right.

Just a few more minutes and then we’ll be there, I thought as I hummed another Metallica song trying to fight off the nausea. The maniacal way Matt was driving was making me severely carsick. I felt like I was five again and on an out of control merry-go-round that just continued to spin mercilessly faster and faster, blurring the world as it spun.

When I chanced a small peek out the window, I noticed Kara shooting a worried glance at Matt’s white knuckled grip on the steering wheel.

Matt pulled up at the curb of his and Kara’s driveway and Zacky got out of the truck to let me out before taking Kara’s spot at shotgun. My legs were slightly shaky—as was my breathing—from the car ride as Matt sped off once more almost before Zacky had gotten the door closed. Gravel flew up behind the squealing tires as he peeled off, music still blaring loudly as he drove away.

Kara and I watched in confusion as Matt’s truck grew smaller and the music faded in the distance.

“Wonder what’s eating him,” I said as my heart rate returned to a more normal pace.

Kara’s face was full of concern. “I’m not sure. But if I had to guess, I’d say it was Tiffany. I’d even put money on it,” she added bitterly walking toward her house.

“Her? No way. I thought Matt dumped her like two weeks ago,” I said following her inside.

Kara paused just inside the door and shot me a glance.

“Why are you looking at me like that for?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Kara smirked knowingly. “Just seems like you’re keeping track of Matt’s relationship. Are we interested in my brother’s availability?”

“Hardly.” I scoffed. “I just remember you mentioning it a couple of weeks ago that he broke it off with her is all. And if I was interested in Matt’s ‘availability’, I would have known they were still together,” I pointed out.

Kara didn’t add anything else and I followed her upstairs to her room.

There had been a time when I would have been interested in a relationship with Matt. But that was a long time ago and I was over him now. You can only crush on someone for so long when they don’t feel the same way about you before you move on. Besides, I was dating Tyler now.

However, I wasn’t blind and could admit that Matt is definitely easy on the eyes. Especially with those heartbreaking dimples and hazel eyes of his.

Not that Tyler isn’t good looking too, I argued with myself crossly. Tyler’s eyes were as blue as Ian Somerhalder’s and his signature smile was just stunning, even if I was annoyed with him, I couldn’t deny how attractive I found him.

As Kara plopped down on her bed, I sat down in her teal beanbag chair and my phone vibrated in my pocket, signaling that I had gotten a text message. Ten bucks said I already knew who sent it. I dug my phone out of my pocket and saw Tyler’s name on the screen. I snorted. I knew it was him.

I read the short message.

Did you get my note about my early practice, babe?

I wanted to ignore Tyler, but opened up a new message to text him back.

Yeah. At Kara’s.
Have a good practice.

I briefly wondered if Tyler could tell I was a little annoyed with him by my text when my phone vibrated again.

Thanks for wishing me luck, babe. :)
I’ll text you when practice is over.
Love you. <3

Nope, I shook my head sadly. He couldn’t tell at all.

“Why do you keep bringing up my former crush on Matt?” I asked slightly miffed, with Kara or Tyler, I wasn’t sure.

Kara rolled her eyes at me. “Olivia Leigh Masters, you can use the past tense all you want, but I know that you still have a huge crush on my brother.”

I ignored Kara’s use of my full name and kept my expression blank, stone cold poker-faced. “Why do you think that?”

Kara held up one finger. “One, today in History, you practically maimed your notes when I said his name. Two,” Kara held up another finger. “You eye-fucked him in the parking lot after school.”

“Bullshit.”

“Three,” she held up a third finger. “You expressed extreme interest in his relationship status just now.”

“I did not!” I groaned in annoyance.

“And four,” Kara said holding up a fourth finger and going on as though she didn’t hear me. “Even though I know you won’t admit it, even to yourself, you’re secretly jealous of Matt’s bitchy girlfriend,” she smirked slyly.

“So you think you have everything figured out, do you?”

“I know I do.” Kara’s smirk was the epitome of all things smug. “The evidence is quite damning, considering it all happened in the last forty minutes.”

“You are so off base, K. You’re so far gone, I can’t even see you anymore. I’m done talking about my nonexistent crush on Matt. And we are so dropping this subject now.”

Kara laughed. “Why so grumpy, Liv?”

I ignored her, she knew damn well how much she was annoying me. I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed.

When Kara laughed again, I grabbed the closest pillow and launched it at her.

“Ow,” Kara complained with a giggle. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop talking about your crush on Matt now.”

“You just couldn’t resist, could you?”

“Come on,” Kara said standing. “Let’s make a snack!” She left her room while I stayed behind. “Yo, Liv! Get your ass down here!”

I wanted to sit and pout and ignore Kara, but my stomach let out a soft rumble and I wished I hadn’t skipped lunch earlier. Reluctantly, I left the comfy beanbag chair and trotted downstairs into the light cream colored kitchen to see Kara rummaging through the fridge for something to munch on.

“Find anything good?” I asked hopefully.



Later that afternoon, Kara’s mom, Deborah, called to say that her business meeting was running later than she thought and told us to order some pizza for dinner and she would have to take me to get my stuff later that night. Kara’s dad was away on a business trip for another week, if I remember correctly, in Pittsburgh.

Kara and I had had our pizza dinner and were starting the second movie in our weekly Friday Night Movie Marathon. We’d had these movie nights every Friday ever since the sixth grade.

“We’re out of popcorn,” Kara said looking at our empty bowl. “Wanna play to see who has to get refills on soda and popcorn?”

“Okay,” I said making a fist.

“Paper, rock, scissors,” Kara and I chanted at the same time.

I kept my fist closed while Kara’s hand flew open.

“I win!” She grinned.

“Every time,” I muttered.

Kara laughed. “Dude, you gotta stop picking rock all the time.”

“Whatever,” I heaved myself out of the beanbag. I stacked our glasses together and grabbed the large orange bowl we used for popcorn, which now only had small bits of popcorn and kernels left in it, off the floor. “Be right back.” I walked downstairs slowly.

“Get me some candy!” Kara yelled loudly.

“Say please!” I shouted back.

“Do it!”

I chuckled at her slightly bratty demand as I entered the kitchen. I went straight to the pantry and grabbed two bags of popcorn and put one in the microwave to pop. While the first bag was popping, I added ice to our glasses and got a can of Sprite for Kara and a can of Mountain Dew for myself. I poured the drinks and walked back upstairs with them so I wouldn’t have to juggle the sodas, the large popcorn bowl and candy on my way back later.

“Here you go,” I said handing Kara her Sprite before heading back downstairs.

“Don’t forget my candy!” Kara called after me.

I walked back into the kitchen just as the microwave beeped signaling that the first bag of popcorn was ready. I carefully tore apart the edges of the bag and avoiding burning my fingers on the steam that streamed hotly out of the bag. After emptying the first bag into the bowl, I put the second bag in to pop.

I looked through the cupboard by the fridge and grabbed a bag of plain M&M’s out for Kara. I didn’t understand why she liked them so much. I, personally, favored M&M’s with peanuts. I tossed the bag onto the counter by the bowl of popcorn and was humming softly as I waited for the microwave to beep a second time.

My phone vibrated in my pocket with a new text message and I already knew the text was from Tyler. Somewhere between after I had texted him this afternoon and now, my annoyance melted away and I smiled as I read his text.

Hey, Liv. Practice went great and I just wanted to say hi. ;)
Are you still at Kara’s?
<3 you.

I quickly typed out a response.

Hi. :) lol
Yeah. It’s movie night.
I‘m sleeping over.

My phone vibrated again almost instantly.

Tell her I said hi. I hope you two have fun tonight, babe.
I’m just going to go to sleep. I’m so beat from practice.
You wanna have lunch tomorrow?

Sure.

Ok. I’ll pick you up at one.
Is that cool?

Yeah. See you then. :)

Can’t wait. :)
Good night, Liv.
I hope I dream of you.
I love you. <3

I bit the inside of my cheek at Tyler’s last text. Most of the time, I found the things he said or did for me sweet, but other times, like now, I couldn’t help feeling slightly annoyed. It’s not like I’m not happy with Tyler, I told myself. But sometimes I felt like he was a little clingy. He was constantly leaving me little notes, or texting me, and he always wanted to know what I was doing every minute of the day. It was a bit suffocating, really, and more than a little exhausting.

I felt slightly deflated as I sent him a text back before pocketing my phone.

I can’t either.
Night, Tyler.
<3

A few moments later, the kitchen door burst violently open and in walked a pissed looking Matt. As soon as I saw him, my shoulders tensed as if to hold back the waves of anger I felt coming from him.

Matt slammed the door shut with as much violence as when he’d opened it.

“Whoa.” Matt’s head snapped toward me swiftly and I took an involuntary step back before I could stop myself. I cleared my suddenly dry throat. “Someone seems like he‘s in a great mood,” I smirked.

The right corner of Matt’s mouth lifted into a small smile. “Oh yeah,” he agreed sarcastically, playing along. “I’m walking on fuckin’ sunshine.”

I smiled at him in response.

The microwave beeped then and I quickly walked over to it grabbing the bag of popcorn and emptying the contents into the bowl.

“Movie night.” Matt stated.

I nodded confirmation.

“Mom called me and said that I would have to take you home to get your stuff. She doesn’t think she’ll be home before midnight.”

“Oh, okay.” I said turning back to face him.

“Let’s go now,” Matt said.

I glanced down at the popcorn bowl then back up at him. “I don’t know,” I answered hesitantly. “Kara and I were just about to start another movie.”

“Please?” Matt asked quietly as he opened the door. “I just need to drive right now.”

“Liv what was that noise—Oh. Hey, Matt,” Kara said as she entered the kitchen. “Was that you a few minutes ago?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Matt grimaced. “Not having the best night right now.”

“Are you heading back out? You just got in,” Kara said noticing the open door behind Matt.

“Yeah,” Matt said as he glanced at me hopefully.

“Where’re you going?” Kara asked grabbing a handful of popcorn and putting it in her mouth.

“To my house,” I answered. “Apparently your mom is running later than she thought she’d be, so she asked Matt to drive me back to my house so I can get my stuff. Wanna come with?”

Kara’s eyes twinkled as she smirked slyly at me. “I think I’ll pass. I’m just gonna hop in the shower.” Have fun, she mouthed as she winked at me leaving me alone in the kitchen with Matt.

“Looks like it’s just you and me, kid,” Matt smiled.

I gulped and then followed Matt out to his truck. A nervous ball clenched tightly in my stomach and I had an idea it was because I’d never really been alone with Matt before now. And now we were going to be alone, by ourselves, for the first time since I’d known him, for the better part of the next hour.