Everything I Used to be is Coming Back to Torture Me

“C’mon, don’t tell me that you didn’t even try to peek while you were living with him!” Sammie exclaimed indignantly, smirking slyly at Clover. They’d run into each other in the hallway, and since they were both headed to separate meetings with separate counselors, they decided to walk together to the hallway containing all of the counselors’ offices.

“No! He’s married, for one, and two, he’s like a brother to me,” Clover retorted, pulling a disgusted face. Somehow Clover had gotten tricked into joining in on a conversation pertaining to whether she’d attempted to see Brian naked at any time during her stay with him and Michelle.

“But he’s gorgeous!” Sammie answered, as though that single fact would make it okay for Clover to have seen him naked. “What, you didn’t even get a glimpse of an asscheek?”

“Sammie!” Clover exclaimed, laughing slightly. “The most unclothed I ever saw him was when he was in swim trunks!”

“Well, hot damn, girl!” Sammie answered instantly, her eyes widening happily. “That’s close enough! I can just envision him stepping out of the ocean, dripping wet, the sunlight gleaming off his substantial abs, bouncing off his hair…” Sammie trailed off dreamily, so lost in her fantasy that she almost ran into a passing patient. “You know, that’s one good tug away from getting a free show!”

“Good God, Sammie, for someone your age you’re awful horny!” Clover commented, shaking her head.

Sammie just offered a noncommittal shrug before stopping and knocking on her counselor’s door as Clover continued down the hall to Maria Sue’s office.

Clover took a deep breath as she stopped at Maria Sue’s door. Today would be the day she’d find out if she’d be able to start Outside World Training, as she had dubbed it in her head. After hearing everything Maria Sue said at their last meeting, Clover felt pretty confident that she would be able to start soon.

Clover felt elated to know that for once, something in her life was going exactly as planned. She was even more excited about the fact that if she was on track and could start training, she could be returning to her modest little apartment in Huntington Beach within a month! She felt more homesick every day; she missed her family with her entire being.

But sometimes it felt like a catch 22. She’d return to her friends back home, but leave all of the friends she’d made here at the center. Her friends here in the center empathized with her. They understood the feeling of drug addiction firsthand and she knew that even though her Avenged family back home would try to understand, they never would quite get it as well as a fellow addict did. She’d miss her friends from the center, but she felt like that was okay to miss them. She’d never kidded herself that she’d ever see any of them again after she left; all the other patients seemed to live in different parts of California than she, and some didn’t even live in California. That didn’t make it any easier, though.

“Come in,” Maria Sue called when Clover knocked. Clover went in and they exchanged the usual pleasantries before Clover took a seat. “I have good news, Clover. You’re still right on track, and you are ready to begin training to go back out into the outside world.”

“That’s great!” Clover answered, ecstatic.

“We’ll probably begin as early as tomorrow,” Maria Sue continued, smiling at Clover’s obvious excitement. “Come here at one o’clock tomorrow afternoon. We’ll go over what the training entails together.”

“Thank you so much,” Clover answered.

“No problem,” Maria Sue said, still smiling. “You’re free to go if you want. Rest up for tomorrow.”

“I will,” Clover answered, rising. Thanking Maria Sue one more time, Clover turned and left the office.

Clover’s first stop was Maggie’s room to tell her the good news. Upon entering the little apartment, she found Maggie moving all of her stuff from the little closet to several suitcases lying open on the narrow twin bed.

To answer Clover’s shocked, questioning look, Maggie said, “My rehabilitation is complete, honey. I’m leaving at nine tomorrow morning. I know it’s a little abrupt, but I guess I didn’t even want to admit to myself that I’d be leaving you and Sammie until it was right there under my nose about to slam into my face.”

“That’s wonderful news!” Clover exclaimed. Maggie was relieved to see that she was genuinely happy for her. Clover hurried over and threw her arms around Maggie. “You know, if all goes well, I could be doing the same thing in a month’s time! I start preparations to return to the outside world tomorrow!”

“Congratulations, lass!” Maggie answered. They pulled away. “You know, I’ll miss you and Sammie so much. You’ve made this so much easier for me. I think for Sammie too.”

“I’ll miss you too,” Clover said. “You were the first person to really open up your arms to me and let me into your friendship. I appreciate that. I don’t think I could’ve done all this without you.”

“I think you could have,” Maggie disagreed. “But I’m glad that I at least made the journey a little smoother.”

“That you did,” Clover said. “I promise to come see you off tomorrow. Until then?”

“Until then,” Maggie concurred. They hugged once more before Clover left to let Maggie finish packing.

@!@!@

The following morning, as promised, Clover met Maggie in the lobby to see her off. As a couple of the counselors put Maggie’s luggage in the back of the van, Maggie, Sammie, and Clover stood just looking at each other. None of them wanted to be the first to say goodbye.

“So where do you go from here?” Sammie asked, clearly stalling.

“I think I’ll go back to Ireland for a bit,” Maggie answered. “Most of my family still lives there. I want to reconnect. Get some fresh Irish air. Try to find a job and a place to live. Move on, I guess.”

“Keep on keeping on,” Clover agreed.

“Yes, I suppose,” Maggie said. She glanced out the door. “It looks like they’ve got everything loaded. Final goodbye time.”

“I’ll miss you so much,” Sammie answered, stepping forward into Maggie’s hug. They gave each other a firm squeeze before pulling away. “Good luck. I know you’ll be great.”

“Thank you, dear,” Maggie said, blinking back tears. She turned to Clover and they, too, exchanged a hug.

“I’ll miss you,” Clover said into Maggie’s shoulder.

“As I will you,” Maggie answered as they pulled away. “Keep an eye on this one,” she motioned her head towards Sammie, “she’s not much younger than you are, but she needs someone to watch over her. And I guess you’re next in line.”

“I’ll keep her in line,” Clover said, winking in Sammie’s direction. “I hope you find what you’re looking for in Ireland. Good luck.”

“Bye,” Maggie answered.

“Farewell,” Sammie said.

“Good bye and good luck,” Clover added. Maggie smiled before turning and stepping out of the front doors for the last time. Clover and Sammie stood side-by-side and watched as Maggie climbed into the van. The van pulled out of the driveway and went off down the road.