Driven to Distraction

As usual, John and I didn’t talk for awhile after that Sunday. Though, it wasn’t like he didn’t try to get me to talk to him – because he did; I just ignored him. Even when he tried to argue with me, I bit my tongue and stayed silent; I was tired of the bickering between us, and I was tired of always having to pretend that everything was fine, because it wasn’t. John had hurt me, and I wasn’t going to let things slide – not this time.

And for awhile, we were able to avoid each other outside of school. It wasn’t until one night when the whole group, save for John and I, decided that we needed to do something “fun”, and planned a movie and dinner night.

For the life of me, I couldn’t remember the movie’s name, or what it was even about, because all I could focus on, was how miserable I felt sitting in that theater, having John’s eyes constantly on me. He was trying so hard to get me to talk to him, and in a way, it let me know that he did, in fact, care about me, but I just couldn’t get over what he had said to me.

When it was time to eat, we chose to go to Pizza Hut, and had to merge two tables together to sit all of us as one group. I sat directly across from John, and in between Kelsi and Garrett.

“I can’t believe Ketely and John are actually being civil tonight,” Jared joked, causing everyone to laugh.

“She hasn’t done anything to provoke me yet,” John smirked, and I rolled my eyes.

With the exception of Garrett, no one knew about what happened between John and I on my birthday, and I planned on keeping it that way, even if a part of me did feel like I owed it to Kelsi to tell her. There was just a greater part of me that felt like she had dealt with enough of my drama already, and that I could spare her this one secret.

When the pizza came, small talk was made throughout the group as we all ate our slices. I wasn’t exactly hungry, and when I was done picking at the two slices on my plate, I excused myself to the bathroom.

When I came out of the stall, I washed my hands and splashed a handful of water on my face, hoping it would help to relax me. I sighed and dried both my hands and my face before walking out of the bathroom. As I came out of the doors, I bumped into John, who was just standing there.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

I rolled my eyes. “As much as I just love talking to you, no, we can’t.” I attempted to push past him, but he caught my arm.

“Morrison, please,” he pleaded.

I spun around, looking at him. “Why can’t you ever just call me Ketely? Why does it always have to be my last name?” I asked, aggravated.

“I – I honestly don’t know … it’s just a habit, I guess,” he said, letting go of my arm.

“Well I would appreciate it if you could break that habit,” I spat.

“Look, I know that you’re angry with me, and you have every right to be. But - can we just talk?”

I sighed and knew that I was going to give into him. “Not here, okay? After everyone’s done eating, we can talk.”

He nodded his head and we both began making our way through the restaurant, back to our friends.

“Ketely, John, look at Pat’s face!” Garrett laughed, pointing to Pat, who had two pepperonis over his eyes and cheese hanging off his face.

I couldn’t help but to laugh. “Pat, you never cease to make me laugh.”

He grinned, removing the food from his face. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“As you should,” I laughed, sitting down in my chair.

“Everything okay?” Garrett whispered, leaning towards me.

I nodded my head, giving him the best smile I could muster. “Yeah, everything’s fine, Gare.”

“Good,” he smiled, joining Kennedy and Jared in conversation.

“Oh my God, I’m so stuffed,” Kelsi said, placing her hand on her stomach and leaning back in her chair.

“You only had three slices, Kels,” I teased.

She laughed. “But they were such big slices, dude!”

“This is true.”

“I feel like we haven’t talked in ages, K,” she pouted.

“We’ve just both been busy,” I said subtly, sipping on my Sprite.

She sighed. “I guess. But I miss you.”

I smiled and pulled her into a side hug. “I miss you, too, Kels,” I laughed.

She laughed and wrapped her arms around me. “This is so uncomfortable,” she said, referring to our awkward hug.

“I was just thinking the same thing,” I laughed, retracting my arms from her neck.

She shook her head, still smiling, and Jared stood up. “Ready to go, guys?”

Everyone seemed to nod their heads and we made our way out of the restaurant. As I stepped onto the sidewalk, John came behind me. “Ride with me?”

I looked at him and nodded my head before turning to Kelsi. “Hey, I’m gonna ride with John, okay?”

Her eyes widened, a bewildered look on her face. “Uh … okay, sure. Call me later?”

“Of course,” I said before giving her one last hug.

“Call me, too, best friend!” Garrett stated, pulling me into a hug.

I laughed. “I will, Gare.”

John and I walked towards his white pickup, and he opened the passenger door for me. I gave him a confused look before muttering a “thank you” and sliding inside. He went around to the driver’s side, and got in. Once we were both buckled, he started the engine and we were on our way.

It was silent between us until we pulled in front of my house, and I was surprised to actually see my father’s car parked in the driveway. I could tell by the look on John’s face, that he was surprised, too.

“Wow. Your dad’s home,” he stated.

“Shocker, I know,” I sighed, unbuckling my seatbelt so I could be more comfortable. After another moment of silence, I looked at John. “You can start talking at any time.”

“I – I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for what I said to you, Mor – Ketely,” he said, correcting himself at the end.

“Is that all?” I asked, not completely satisfied with his apology.

He sighed and looked at me. “Can I ask you a question?” I gave a shrug, and he took that as a ‘yes’. “Do you like me?”

I felt my breath hitch in my throat. “Wh – what?” Panic began coursing through my body and I began wondering if maybe Garrett had opened his mouth and told John about my crush on him. But, that didn’t sound like something Garrett would do, and if he had, I’m sure it would’ve been on accident and he would’ve told me.

“Ketely, you heard me – do you like me? Like … as in more than a friend?” he repeated.

I looked down at my hands, licking my dry lips. “We aren’t exactly friends, John.”

He placed his hands over mines. “Will you just stop avoiding my question and give me an answer?”

I leaned back in the seat and stared out at the darkness in front of me, afraid to look at him. “I don’t know if I do or not,” I answered truthfully.

“How do you not know?” he asked, sounding irritated

I turned swiftly in my seat. “That’s why! That’s exactly why! We can’t ever just have a normal conversation without arguing, John! I like the guy who slept with me on the playground and left his sweater under my head so I could be comfortable! I like the guy who sleeps with me on my bed and sings Death Cab songs to me while I fall asleep. I like the guy who kissed me wi-“ before I could finish my rambling, John pressed his lips onto mines, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t pull myself away.

He placed his hands on each of my cheeks, deepening our kiss and I felt my heartbeat accelerate as our tongues wrestled each other. When we both began to feel out of breath, he pulled away and looked me in the eyes.

“Why – why did you kiss me?” I asked, still breathing heavy.

“To shut you up,” he smirked. I let out a light laugh and smacked his chest. “I don’t know why I kissed you, Ketely. I just – I look at you, and I can’t think straight.”

I bit down on my bottom lip. “Is that a bad thing?”

He chuckled softly. “I haven’t figured that out yet.”

I smiled shyly and looked down at my feet. “You know, of all the nights for my dad to come home, it would have to be tonight …”

He smiled. “You’re forgetting who I am, Morrison.”

“And who are you, O’Callaghan?”

“I’m John Cornelius O’Callaghan the Fifth – the rebel. Go up to your room and I’ll be there shortly,” he smirked.

I arched my brows but didn’t question his motives as I got out of his truck and went into my house, trying to be as quiet as possible. I tiptoed to my room and shut the door softly before walking over to my bed. A few minutes had passed before I heard a light knocking coming from my window, half scaring me to death. I got up and walked over to the window, moving the curtain to see John’s grinning face. I laughed and opened the window for him to climb through.

“You really are a father’s worst nightmare,” I teased.

He laughed and shrugged his shoulders. “It’s a blessing and a curse to be this suave,” he said, gesturing towards himself.

I rolled my eyes and walked back over to my bed, sitting down and kicking off my shoes. John slid his shoes off as well before sitting beside me. “So what happens now, Mr. Suave?”

He reached for my hand and laced our fingers together before pulling me up. “Now I put you to sleep.”

“I’m not having se-“

“Oh, fuck. Just lay down, Ketely. I wasn’t planning on getting into your pants tonight,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Sorry,” I laughed lightly before getting underneath my covers.

He laid beside me and wrapped his arms around me, just as he always did whenever he slept over. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Another one?” I teased.

He chuckled. “Yeah, another one.”

“Go for it.”

“Why is it that you can’t sleep?”

I felt my body stiffen as the question left his mouth. Nobody but Kelsi knew my reason for not being able to sleep. I wasn’t entirely sure if I trusted John enough to tell him, but I did anyway. “I – uh – I’ve been having the same nightmare since my mom died. Every time I try to sleep, I have it, and I wake up sweating and screaming, and gasping for air – like someone has been choking me. After awhile, I just gave up on sleeping, except for the times when my eyes close, forcing me to sleep; I don’t really have a choice then.”

He was quiet for a moment. “What’s the nightmare about?”

I sighed, burying my face into chest. “I don’t want to talk about it, John,” I said, my voice muffled by his shirt.

“Well, I’m not going to force you to talk about it,” he spoke softly.

I looked up at him, seeing the gentle smile on his face. “There’s a reason why I like when you sleep over.”

“Really? Do tell,” he chuckled.

“I don’t – I don’t have the nightmare when you’re here, John. For whatever reason, I can actually sleep when you’re next to me,” I confessed.

This brought a bright smile onto his face and he gave me a peck on the lips. “Are you sleepy now?”

I nodded my head, yawning. “Very. I barely got an hour of sleep last night.”

He frowned and pulled me tighter against his chest. “Then close your eyes and let Mr. O’Callaghan serenade you to sleep.”

I laughed tiredly. “I can’t argue with that.”

And, as always, John’s voice filled my room, putting me straight to sleep.

“Pity, take pity on me, ‘cause I’m not half the man that I should be. Always turning - to run, from the people I should not be afraid of. And darling, you should know that I have fantasies about being alone. It’s like love is a lesson that I can’t learn, so I make the same mistakes at each familiar turn. I know you can’t hold out forever, waiting on a diamond and a tether, from a boy who won’t swim, but who will dip his toe in, just to keep you here with him. I’ve got this habit I abhor, when we go out, I’m always watching the door, as if there’s someone I’m gonna see, who could outdo the things that you do to me. I know you can’t hold out forever, waiting on a diamond and a tether, from a boy who won’t fly, but who will take to the skies if he thinks that you’re about to say goodbye. Pity, take pity on me, ‘cause I’m not half the man that I should be. And I don’t blame you; you’ve had enough – of all these empty promises and countless bluffs. ‘Cause I know you can’t hold out forever, waiting on a diamond and a tether, from a boy who won’t jump, when he falls in love. He just stands with his toes on the edge, and he waits for it to disappear again.”

If only I knew how true that song was going to be in the morning.