Driven to Distraction

I awoke in the morning with a searing pain in my head, and I had to rise slowly from my bed, so as not to wake John or to upset my stomach. I stared at him for a moment, trying to piece together everything that happened last night. He stirred for a moment before grabbing my pillow and clutching it to his chest, his mouth slightly agape. I smiled and grabbed an old Ninja Turtles tee shirt from my dresser, along with a pair of white and green boxer shorts before walking into my bathroom.

I took a short shower and brushed my teeth and washed my face before pulling on my clothes. I decided to let my hair hang in its wet waves, and slipped my feet into a pair of bunny slippers. I quietly made my way downstairs, and let out a sigh of relief as I realized that my living room was cleaned, no traces of a party in sight. I made a mental note to thank Kelsi and the guys later for that.

I walked into the kitchen and turned on the CD player that was attached underneath a cabinet, and smiled as Frank Sinatra’s voice filled the room; my mom loved him, and as I grew older, I began to fall in love with him, too. I placed a skillet on the stove and began mixing pancake batter into a bowl. When the pan was hot and the batter was done, I poured out two small circles, and waited as the cakes cooked.

Once those were done, I poured more batter onto the pan before placing strips of bacon onto the skillet next to it. I couldn’t help but to sing along as ’I’ve Got You Under My Skin’ began playing, and I held the plastic spatula up to my mouth, pretending it was a microphone.

“I’ve got you under my skin. I’ve got you deep in the heart of me. So deep in my heart, that you’re really a part of me. I’ve got you under my skin. I tried so not to give in. I said to myself, this affair, it never will go so well. But why should I try to resist, when, baby, I know so well - I’ve got you under my skin …” I sang, dancing in front of the stove.

“I didn’t take you for a Sinatra fan,” a raspy voice said behind me.

I jumped and turned around, seeing John smiling at me, leaning against the doorway. “Uh, yeah … my mom used to play his records all the time when I was younger,” I stated, trying to hide my blushing cheeks by turning back around to the stove, flipping the pancakes.

He let out a yawn as I heard his footsteps coming into the kitchen. “Yeah, my mom loves him, too. What’re you making, by the way?”

“Just some pancakes and bacon. I would make eggs, but it seems as if we’re out. I need to go grocery shopping,” I stated, really talking to myself more than John.

He arched his brows. “You do the grocery shopping?”

I nodded my head, placing three pancakes and a few stripes of bacon on a plate for him. “Yeah, I’ve been doing it for awhile now …” I placed the plate in front of him and he gave me a genuine smile as his stomach growled.

“Me and my belly thank you, apparently,” he chuckled.

I laughed. “You’re welcome.”

I made a plate for myself before sitting beside him at the bar. I had to admit, it was a bit nerve-wracking, because after last night, I didn’t know exactly what John and I were. I didn’t know if were still enemies, or if we were friends, or … something more. But I didn’t voice my questions. Instead, I chewed on my pancakes and hummed along to ’Fly Me to the Moon’.

When we finished, I brought our plates to the sink and before I could begin washing them, John placed his hands over mines. “I’ll wash them, Morrison. You cooked. It’s only fair,” he smiled.

I smiled back and nodded my head. “Thanks, O’Callaghan.”

He didn’t say anything as he began scrubbing the dishes, and I cleared the table, putting the syrup and butter back in their rightful places. I listened as John sang softly along with the song playing over the speakers, and it made me smile, because it reminded me of last night; which, in turn, made my stomach turn, because I also remembered the kiss we had shared.

When he was done, he shut off the water and dried his hands on the towel hanging on the rail of the oven. I jumped on top of the counter beside him, sitting on it. He looked at me strangely before shrugging it off.

“John, can we talk?” I asked, my voice showing how nervous I felt.

He leaned against the island in front of me, and nodded his head. “Sure. What do you want to talk about?”

“Last night.”

A look flickered in his eyes, but I couldn’t exactly read what it was. He cleared his throat, and stood up straight, ruffling a hand through his hair. “I – uh – I think I need to get home, Morrison.”

He began walking away and I jumped off the counter, reaching for his hand. “John, please, just talk to me. We kissed last night.”

He pulled his hand from mine and rolled his eyes. “Yes, because you asked me to, Ketely.”

And as if I hadn’t already done enough crying the night before, tears sprang to my eyes and I took a step backwards. “But – but you came back after turning me away!”

“Because I felt bad, Ketely! Okay?! I felt bad for you, so I kissed you!” he yelled, raising his hands in the air.

His words stabbed me right in the heart, and I felt my bottom lip begin to tremble as tears descended my cheeks. I turned away from him, no longer being able to stand the sight of him. “Bye, John,” I whispered, my voice shaking.

He sighed and groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. “Why is it that everything has to be so fucking complicated when it comes to me and you!?” He seemed to be talking to himself more than he was to me. He reached for my hand and I yanked it back, still not meeting eyes with him. “Morrison … I’m sorry. It’s just – you and I – I don’t know what to tell you, Ketely. We kissed and that’s it. It meant nothing,” he stated bluntly.

I nodded my head, wiping my eyes. “Just go, okay, John? You’re only making this worse.”

He licked his lips before nodding his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As soon as the front door closed, I screamed at the top of my lungs and grabbed the closest object to me, which happened to be an empty coke can, and threw it as hard as I could at the door. I ran upstairs and back into my room, throwing myself down on my bed. I pulled my knees to my chest as I curled into a ball, and let the tears flow freely.

I knew I was stupid for thinking that the kiss held meaning, but God … I could have sworn it did. People didn’t just go around kissing people like … like that – with that much passion.

I heard my cell phone ringing and although a huge part of me didn’t want to answer it, I reached for it anyway. “Hello?” I answered, trying not to let my tears sound through my voice.

“Jewel, what’s wrong?” Garrett asked; I obviously hadn’t hidden my crying very well.

I sighed and fell onto my back on my bed. “Everything. Do you think you could come over?”

“Uh, yeah. I just have to finish moving a few things into the garage for my mom, but I’ll over as soon as I can,” he told me.

It brought a small smile to my face. “Thanks. And, Gare?”

“Yeah, Jewel?”

“Bring some Ryan Adams, will you?”

He chuckled. “Of course. I never leave home without that man. I’ll see you.”

“See ya,” I said before hanging up.

I stayed wrapped in my blanket, staring up at the ceiling until I heard the doorbell sound downstairs. I ran down and as soon as I opened the door, seeing Garrett’s face, I wrapped my arms around him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so excited to see me,” he laughed.

I smiled shyly. “Sorry. I just – I really need a friend right now.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t call Kelsi,” he said, closing the door behind him as he came into the house.

“I probably would have if you didn’t call.”

“Well thanks,” he teased.

I laughed. “You know I love you, Gare.”

He smiled. “I know.” He held up the CD case he had been holding in his hands. “I brought Love Is Hell. Something told me it would be perfect for you.”

I smile meekly, taking the CD from him. “We can listen to it in my room.”

He nodded his head and followed me up to my room. I placed the CD into my laptop, and clicked ‘play’, letting the soft melody of Political Scientist fill my room. I took a seat next to Garrett on my bed, and he wrapped one arm around my shoulders.

“So, what’s going on? And don’t try to lie to Dr. Nickelsen, because I can tell you’ve been crying, Jewel,” he stated.

I heaved a sigh, resting my head on his shoulder. “Well, last night … I sort of met this guy, Kurt … and we talked for awhile. He was cute and he was funny, or at least I thought he was, but it might’ve been the alcohol making him seem funny. Anyway, he started kissing and – and touching me, and I kept asking him to stop, but he wouldn’t.” I could feel Garrett’s grip around me tighten, and I smiled at the fact that he cared so much. “Well, John scared him off and afterwards, we went up to my room. We talked – I mean, of course we argued a little bit, but we actually talked. And then – then we kissed.” I looked at Garrett and saw his eyes bulging out of his head. “I know, it’s crazy right? But we kissed, and then he sang me to sleep, and God, whenever he’s around, I sleep like a baby. I don’t have any nightmares and the darkness doesn’t scare me – all because he’s there.”

Garrett chuckled softly. “I think you have a crush on him, Jewel.”

I felt my cheeks warm up and I pushed him playfully. “I do not. Anyways, this morning, I made breakfast for us, and everything was fine until I asked to talk about the kiss. I wanted to know what it meant, and he just – he broke my heart, Garrett. He said he kissed me out of pity.”

He sighed and shook his head. “I’m so sorry, Jewel. John’s my best friend, but he’s an idiot. You should know that,” he said, looking at me, “you and John have fought every day, for the past however many years. from what I’ve heard.”

“I know, Garrett, but I just – I don’t know. Last night, I just felt something when our lips touched. I can’t describe it – but it was an amazing feeling.” I groaned and buried my face into his chest. “I don’t want to like him, Gare,” I whined.

He laughed, his chest vibrating against my cheek. “I’m afraid we can’t always help who we like, babe. You like who you like, even if who you like is a shitty person. That’s just the way the world works.”

“The world sucks.”

“I agree,” he said, resting his chin on top of my head.

I sighed. “Garrett?”

“Hmm?” he hummed.

“I miss my mom,” I stated sadly. I took his silence as him not being sure what to say. “You don’t have to say anything, I just – I miss her. I wish she was here to give me advice … she always knew what to do,” I rambled, tears coming.

He wrapped his arms tighter around me and rubbed my back soothingly. “I can lend you my mom.”

I laughed, sniffling. “Stop making me laugh, Gary.”

He chuckled. “But that’s my job. I don’t like seeing you cry.”

I pulled away, just enough to look into his pale blue eyes. “You’re my best friend and I love you.”

A sad smile tugged at his lips. “You’re my best friend and I love you, too, Jewel.”

We spent the rest of the day singing along to Ryan Adams’ heartbreaking songs and watching old Lifetime movies, although Garrett wasn’t exactly too ecstatic about that part.

Garrett was the second person in my life, Kelsi being the first, who never stopped being there for me. No matter what life threw our way, we always knew we could count on each other, and that was something special; something I would’ve never survived without.