Driven to Distraction

"Miss Morrison!" a voice hissed from beside me, breaking my reverie.

I turned and saw Mr. Fredericks, my boss. "I'm sorry, Mr. Fredericks. Were you saying something?"

His lips pressed into a thin line and he motioned for me to come forward. "You have customers waiting on you, Morrison. I suggest you get your head out of the clouds and back to work. We'll talk about the little scene your friend caused before you leave today."

His words were going in one ear and out the other, my eyes focused on the Coca Cola clock behind his head. I had ten minutes, at best, if I was going to make it to the church on time.

But ... Was this something I really wanted to do?

Did I really want to walk in there, and watch the boy who still owned my heart, even after all these years, profess his love to another woman? And worse, bind that love through a promise to God?

"Mr. Fredericks, I need to leave!" the words fell out of my mouth before I even realized that I had just made my decision.

"Excuse me?" he asked, clearly stunned that I would even demand such a thing.

I had no time to explain myself, unfortunately.

"I need to leave! I'm sorry!" I urged before running to the back, grabbing my purse. I ignored the looks from my coworkers and ran back to the front, going for the doors.

"Miss Morrison! You take one step out of those doors and you can forget your job here!" he barked.

I took one moment to think about it, before shaking my head and running outside, straight to my car. I hastily started the ignition before realizing that my hands were shaking.

“What the hell are you doing, Ketely!?” I asked myself, staring at the wheel. “He’s getting married for Christ’s sake!”

But that thought alone made my heart jump; made a gnawing feeling grow in the pit of my stomach.

Because it wasn’t like I went through four years without any contact with John. He called, texted and wrote to me. On my visits home, during the holidays, he didn’t dare come around, though. He knew that my father and Danny would quite literally wring his neck if he even so much as stepped foot on our street. Although I’d learned to forgive him, I couldn’t say that they had.

And it had been nice to talk to him; to have some normalcy brought back to my life. We’d established a friendship again, and that – that was one of the most important things to me. And I’m pretty sure John felt the same way; his letters told me that much.

And then there was the song he had written; the one that I had heard in the very back of a concert venue a little less than two years ago.

I was coerced into going, really. Kelsi was practically glowing about being able to see Kennedy, and she had begged me for weeks to go with her. Her pestering was not only getting on my nerves, but our other roommate, Bree’s nerves. So, reluctantly, I agreed.

It was in the middle of winter when they came to Bismarck, and it was freezing. Bree and I had stood outside in line, as I didn’t have any desire to follow Kelsi to the back of the venue, where the guys were. I knew that if I had gone, I would have to see John and I wasn’t sure that I could have handled that. After nearly two long, grueling hours in the cold, the doors opened and it was a rush to get inside.

I stayed in the back, not daring to get close enough to the stage for him to see me. He had to have known that I was there, though, because Kelsi was. Kelsi and I rarely went out without each other. Leaving Arizona hadn’t changed that.

As the concert went on, I couldn’t lie and say that I wasn’t impressed, because I was. Greatly impressed. The five of them had gotten so good about being on stage. They could definitely put on a show.

It wasn’t until near the very end, though, when John had grabbed the microphone, his green eyes peering through the crowd, that I became worried. I didn’t want him to call me out. I cowered slightly behind Bree and ignored the crazed look she gave me.

“This is a new song that we’re gonna try out tonight. It’s, uh, it’s sort of a special one,” he started, his eyes still scanning through the crowd, and it was at that moment that I knew he was searching for me. He wouldn’t find me, though. That much I was sure of. He turned around, strapping an acoustic guitar around his shoulders. He strummed a few chords before turning to face the crowd again. “This is dedicated to you … wherever you are.”

He began strumming a slow, haunting melody, followed by Jared on his guitar and Garrett on bass. Kennedy and Pat quietly left the stage, and it was then that my eyes focused solely on John.

“I messed up again. I shouldn’t drive tonight, but I keep thinking of you. And I hurt you again. I shouldn’t lie, but I swear the next few words are true. Never again, never again, no, will I leave you high and never again, never again, no oh. Never again, never again, no, will I leave you high and dry. This time, I more than mean it. I’m sorry, I’m not what you wanted. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I let you down. I could use some poor excuse, ‘cause the hardest thing to say, it’s the hardest thing to say in the world; yeah, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

Yeah, I messed up again. Thinking about the times I was lost and you made me live. And I’m only human, both you and I know how this will end. So, I say never again, never again, no, will I leave you high and never again, never again, no oh. Never again, never again, no, will I leave you high and dry. This time, I more than mean it, yeah. I'm sorry, I'm not what you wanted, and I’m sorry, sorry I let you down. And I could use some poor excuse, 'cause the hardest thing to say, it's the hardest thing to say in the world; yeah, I'm sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not what you wanted, yeah. I’m sorry, sorry I let you down. And I could use some poor excuse, ‘cause the hardest thing to say, it’s the hardest thing to say in the world; yeah, I’m sorry. Ooh, I’m sorry.”

I could hardly breathe. My chest felt tight and tears were tumbling down my cheeks, defeating my hard face. He was still looking out at the crowd, Jared and Garrett looking at him, waiting for him to bid the crowd ‘goodbye’. But he wasn’t paying them any attention. And it wasn’t until Garrett cleared his throat into the mic, that he budged.

“Uh, right. Thank you for coming out tonight, Bismarck. We’ll be outside in a few minutes to sign and take pictures,” he said, not bothering to even fake enthusiasm.

That was the last time I saw him; the last time I ever went to one of their shows. It took Kelsi and Bree nearly the whole weekend to piece me back together. And even then, the only reason I was able to collect myself was because I knew I had a paper to write and that wasn’t going to wait for my heart to heal.

A buzzing sound came from inside my purse, and I quickly rummaged through it, pulling out my phone.

It’s starting.
- Kelsi

I read and reread it again before tossing my phone onto the passenger seat and reversing out of the parking space, rushing to get on the road. West Baptist wasn’t too far off, but there were multiple traffic lights that seemed to all turn red the moment my car approached them. My eyes kept darting to the black letters on my dash, the time ticking away.

“Come on, come on, damnit!” I yelled, frustrated as yet another red light prevented me from getting to the church.

I had barely put the car into ‘park’ when I opened the door, running up to the doors of the church. The filled parking lot caught my eye, stopping me just before the doors.

I had rushed here, but I had no clue as to what I was going to say. My heart was suddenly pounding so hard against my chest that it was ringing in my ears. My cheeks were scorching hot, and my hands were still shaking.

But it was as if my limbs had a mind of their own, because my shaky hands were suddenly pulling open the doors of the church and I found out rather quickly that I had underestimated the lengths of what I was doing. Heads turned to look at me, including the most important one standing before a preacher. My doe eyes ran over each face quickly, noticing how nearly no one was properly dressed for this occasion. My eyes stopped on Kelsi, seeing the beaming smile on her face. Kennedy was beside her, giving me a wink and Garrett beside him, giving me thumbs up. Jared and Pat were smiling as well, and I almost returned one, before a person loudly cleared their throat.

“Uh, Miss, would you please take a seat?” the preacher kindly asked me, smiling.

I didn’t answer him right away. Instead, I looked at the groom; John. He was wearing a sharp black suit, the vest underneath it a deep shade of red. His hair was short and slicked back, and for a moment, our eyes locked, and I saw the sixteen year old boy I fell in love with. My heart leapt at the memory.

“Please, take a seat,” the bride stated, trying to smile.

She was a beautiful girl, no doubt about that. She was tall, slim and her golden hair was curled to perfection. Her blue eyes were giving me a narrow look, almost begging me to either sit or leave. I was intruding on herday, and I knew that.

“I – I can’t,” I stuttered, looking back at John, who’s green eyes seemed to never leave my face. I walked down the long aisle, passing the pews of gawking eyes and hushed whispers. I stopped just a little before the three steps that led to where John was standing, looking up at him. “I can’t let you do this,” I said, my voice almost a whisper.

“Excuse me,” the bride hissed, her eyes widening.

I paid her no attention.

“You’re not hers, John. You never will be, because you belong to me,” I started, gaining a sudden confidence. “You’ve been mine since kindergarten when you vowed to destroy my life.” A slight twitch of his lips let me know he wanted to smirk at the thought. “John, I don’t have some long, emotional speech to give you … the only thing I have to give you is my heart, which you broke once not so far back.” His lips tugged south and I felt my eyes water, because this was it: I was going to put everything into this last sentence. “ … My heart’s never completely healed, because I can’t mend it on my own, John. You’re the only who can fix it … you’re the only who has ever been able to make it beat the way it should. I forgive you for being stupid. I forgive you for your mistakes. I forgive you for being stupid enough to let me go once. Please don’t let me go this time, John. Please,” I cried softly, looking straight into his eyes.

“John, what the hell is going on!?” the bride seethed, her glaring eyes leaving my face to scowl at John.

My heart was going to break at any minute if he didn’t say anything. I watched with heartache as he looked at the blond, his fiancée and soon to be wife. He had chosen her, and that was that. I merely nodded my head before turning around, making a run for the doors.

“Ketely, wait!” he yelled before I heard his footsteps coming behind me. He swung me around and cradled my face in his large hands, his green orbs looking at me with more love in them than my heart could stand. “I won’t watch you walk away this time.” His thumb traced my lips, parting them slightly. “I’m so-“

“I don’t want to hear that. I just want to know that you feel the same,” I urged.

“I love you, Ketely Jewel Morrison. I never stopped loving you,” he confessed, his thumbs now sweeping over the apples of my cheeks.

Without wasting another moment, I pressed my lips against his, not caring that a loud shriek had just come from the front of the church; I didn’t care about the chatter buzzing throughout the room. Nothing mattered to me.

Only that I had John.

Everyone else could wait for an explanation.