My Everything

Chapter 3: Scattered Memories

I woke up the next morning with a stuffy nose and a headache, I flipped over on my back and kicked off my blankets. Lying there I listened to the silence to the silence surrounding me. I sat up suddenly dreading that I hadn’t been dreaming. Adie left me. I slowly got up and strained to hear anything. I was met with silence. I couldn’t hear the boys running around screaming and yelling at each other. I couldn’t hear Adie in the kitchen fixing breakfast. I closed my eyes and slowly opened them back up and got off the bed and walked over to the closet. I opened it in what felt like slow motion to find that all of Adie’s clothes were gone. I ran through the rest of the room checking the dresser and the bathroom. All of her stuff was gone. I left my room and practically ran down to Jake’s room, empty. I ran to Joey’s room, empty as well. She had left and taken my boys without saying good-bye. Fuck.

I slid down the wall across from Joeys room and put my head in my hands and started crying. I couldn’t believe that she actually left, she had threatened many times before but nothing had ever happened. I said she never would and now I had to eat my words. I had to force myself to get up and look around and go downstairs. I don’t know how I’m going to take this huge house being quiet. I walked through the living room and sat on the couch gazing into space until I noticed an object on the coffee table. I picked it up watching a note fall from it. I looked at the book realizing it was a photo album before I reached down and picked up the note. It was in Adie’s handwriting.

Billie,
I’m sorry that it had to happen this way. I just hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. I’m giving the photo album to you . All of our pictures. Keep all our memories safe. Please keep this. Like I said last night you’ll find a great girl for you one day. Don’t forget that I do still love you. Never forget.
Adie.

I crumpled the note up in anger and threw it across the room not paying attention to where it landed. I grabbed the album up and hurried up to my bedroom. Alone I sat on the floor next to the bed and began looking through the pictures. Pictures of Adie and I at our wedding, baby pictures of Jake and Joey, birthday, anniversaries and barbeques, everything good about our marriage. I didn’t notice that I was crying, or that I now had all the pictures out of the album and scattered on the floor around me.

I've got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor.
Reminds me of the times we shared.
Makes me wish that you were here.
Now it seems I've forgotten my purpose in this life.
All the songs have been erased.
Guess I've learned from my mistakes.

This is how Mike found me a few hours later. Crying with pictures scattered all around me. I hadn’t noticed that he had been calling until I felt a hand on my arm. I jumped startled looking up. I looked at Mike with what I knew had to be red puffy eyes and unkempt hair. Hell I was still in my pajamas.

“Bill? What’s wrong?” He asked me. I didn’t know what to say to my best friend. So I just looked at my hands and brought them up to my face and rubbed. I sighed when Mike spoke again.

“Man Bill, you look like shit! I was suspicious when you didn’t answer my phone calls. I thought you might be spending quality time with Adie but when you missed practice I got worried. What’s going on, that’s not like you.” Mike moved some of the pictures over to sit next to me. I forgot practice! Shit! Oh well I don’t care today. I looked at Mike with tears present in my eyes once again.

“Adie left me, Mike! She took Jake and Joey. She left me. I don’t know….I just don’t know.” I trailed off looking away from Mike when his eyes when wide in disbelief.

“She….she left you? When? How? Why?” He threw all the questions at me one after another. I just sat a minute to collect my thoughts.

Open the past and present.
Now and we are there.
Story to tell and I am listening.
Open the past and present.
And the future too.
It's all I've got and I'm giving it up to you.

I finally had the courage to look back up at Mike and tell him.

“Last night, she left last night or well she told me last night that she wanted a divorce when we got into an argument. She actually left this morning while I was asleep. She left without saying good-bye. I didn’t get to say good-bye to my boys. She just packed them up and left. I thought it was all a bad dream until I woke up to dead silence. All she left me was this photo album and a fucking note, a fucking note, Mike.” I picked up the photo album and showed him, “I obviously didn’t like the order they were in.” pointing to all the scattered pictures on the floor.

Mike chuckled at my sarcastic humor before taking the album out of my hands and sitting it on the floor next to him. He looked at me before speaking.

“Have you ate?” He asked looking at me concerned. I shook my head.

“No, I’ve been doing this!” I motioned to myself and my current surrounding. Now I understood what Tre and Mike went through when they got divorced. Mike took my hand and pulled me up off the floor.

“Come on. I’ll make you some breakfast. You need to eat.” He said as he pushed me out of the room. I had a feeling he was going to make me eat whether I wanted to or not.

Loose ends tied in knots.
Leaving a lump down in my throat.
Gagging on a souvenir.
Lodged to fill another year.
Drag it on and on until my skin is ripped to shreds.
Leaving myself wide open.
Living out a sacrifice.

I was sitting in the kitchen at the table while Mike cooked when Tre burst into the house full of energy. I groaned inwardly putting my head on the back of the chair staring at the ceiling, just what I needed an overly happy Tre. Just fucking great. I barely glanced at Tre when he came into the kitchen.

“Whoa! Who died?” Tre asked when he saw me, with a huge grin on his face. I just glared at him and returned to my previous position. I completely missed Mike doing hand movements telling Tre to knock it off. Tre didn’t seem to understand, he just kept pestering me until he got on my last nerve, which I didn’t have much of anyway.

“KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF TRE! YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S BOTHERING ME HUH? ADRIENNE LEFT ME THIS MORNING OKAY! PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND FUCKING SMOKE IT!” After that I stormed out of the kitchen leaving a shocked Tre and an upset Mike. I went straight up to my writing room and slammed the door. I didn’t hear the guys talking downstairs.

Open the past and present.
Now and we are there.
Story to tell and I am listening.
Open the past and present.
And the future too.
It's all I've got and I'm giving it up to you.

If you got no one and I've got no place to go, would it be alright?
Could it be alright?

“Nice going Tre! I just had him calmed down enough to make him eat and you had to open your mouth.” Mike said turning back to the food on the stove he was cooking.

“Dude, I didn’t know! Adie really left him?” Tre asked as he sat in the spot that I had just vacated.

“That’s just it Tre you don’t know. You know how sensitive Billie is especially first thing in the morning. You need to learn to think before you open your mouth to talk.” Mike replied turning off the stove and leaving Tre by himself while he went to search for me.
“TOUCH THAT FOOD TRE AND YOUR ASS IS GRASS! THAT’S FOR BILL NOT YOU.” Mike yelled. His only answer was a squeal from Tre as he fell out of his chair.

I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs and walk down the hall toward my bedroom. I head them stop at the door and turn back around and finally stop in front of my creative room, that I was currently in. I heard the knock and almost didn’t answer but knowing Mike he wouldn’t go away until I answered. I sighed before walking to the door and opening it.

“Bill, your foods ready downstairs and Tre didn’t know about Adie. So don’t be mad at him.” Mike pleaded. He always did hate confrontation within the band. I shook my head in agreement and followed him back downstairs.

I've got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor.
Reminds me of the times we shared.
Makes me wish that you were here.
Now it seems I've forgotten my purpose in this life.
All the songs have been erased.
Guess I've learned from my mistakes.

When I re-entered the kitchen I was attacked by a child like man named Tre. He was hugging me fiercely begging me to forgive him for his comment.

“I’m so sorry Billie! I didn’t know!” He just hugged me tighter instead of saying more.

“It’s okay Tre. Just let me go. I know you didn’t know I’m just over emotional.” I said picking up the plate of food and sat at the table and began eating.

We sat in silence for awhile before Tre spoke again. Mike gave him a warning glare.
“Hey, Mike don’t look at me like that. I just have a question.” I looked between the two and raised my eyebrows. “Yeah?” I asked.

“What about the concert Friday in St. Louis, Missouri. We fly out there tonight don’t we?” Mike and I looked at each other.

I forgot about the concert during the whole mess with Adie. Mike looked at me before answering, “We could cancel.”

I shook my head immediately, “NO! We play. Maybe it will help take my mind off of all this shit.” Both guys agreed.

So the next night we would be in St. Louis performing. OH! GOODY!

Open the past and present.
Now and we are there.
Story to tell and I am listening.
Open the past and present.
And the future too.
It's all I've got and I'm giving it up to you.

It's all I've got and I'm giving it up to you.