All Those Things I Still Remember

“Mama! Let’s go!” Melody cried impatiently. I took a deep breath and sighed. I left the bathroom and followed her into the living room where everyone was dressed up in their Halloween costumes. The guys were all dressed up in some of the weirdest outfits. William was dressed as Beetlejuice and Sisky was Captain America. Chizz was the Joker and Andy was a Spartan. The My Chem guys were dressed in their Black Parade attire. The Avenged Sevenfold boys dressed as preps, and the Fall Out Boys dressed as oversized stuffed animals. The Green Day guys went as themselves, claiming that they were scary enough as they were. So, dressed in my Ice Princess costume, I took Melody in one hand and Jimmy in the other and we left. Melody held onto Mikey’s hand tightly as we all walked down the street.

“So, where first?” I asked Mikey. He forced a smile and shrugged. So, without suggestion, we began walking aimlessly from house to house. It must’ve been a weird sight because every person at every house gave us the same look, like we were going to attack them. We gave to this one house and a teenager opened the door. She was dressed as a school girl with a pleated skirt and a uniform shirt that had the words “I’m Not O-Fucking-Kay” sharpied on it. Her eyes widened in excitement as she saw who all was at her door.

“Trick-or-treat, ”Melody smiled at her. She looked down and just gave Melody a bag of kiddy-mix straight from the store.

“Happy Halloween, ”she managed. I smiled at her and we all walked away. I whispered something to Gerard and he turned around to the girl who was still facing us.

“Hey, ”he called to her. I thought her heart stopped. “Want to hang out with us?” Her eyes widened and she ran inside. “Or not.” He turned back to me and I laughed as the girl came running up to us.

“Yes, I would, ”she breathed. “I am Jamie Keller. It’s nice to meet all of you.”

“Well, Jamie, let’s go, ”Gerard said with a smile. She nodded and we all resumed our aimless route. We came back around to house a couple hours later. She smiled once more and thanked us all before ducking inside her house. We all resumed our walk home. Melody fell asleep in Patrick’s arms and Mikey carried her stuff. Jimmy had my hand at all times. When we got back to the house, Mikey handed Melody to Bill and told him to put her to bed. Lindsey went to assist with this and the rest of the guys went inside. Jimmy, Mikey, and I stood outside.

“Look, I’m not sure what’s going on here. But, I would like to know, ”Mikey said in a harsh whisper. I raised a brow.

“What are you talking about?” I asked. He narrowed his eyes at me. I’ll admit. Without his glasses, he was a little scary. He motioned to my hand.

“Dude, look, nothing’s going on between us. She’s just my best friend, ”Jimmy said, jumping into the conversation. Mikey shook his head and laughed bitterly.

“See, I’d like to believe that. Unfortunately, I know her all too well. You may consider her to be just your friend, but she doesn’t see it that way. Shay, what is going on?” He asked me directly.

“Nothing, ”I muttered.

“Damn it, Ashlyn. You either think I’m stupid or that you’re a good liar. You love him, don’t you?” He asked me.

“Mikey, “Jimmy started, but Mikey put his hand up.

“Don’t you?” He repeated.

“I don’t know!” I shouted at him. I heard my voice waver and it took all I had not to cry. Jimmy stood there with a look of disbelief on his face. I turned and went up the steps. I walked up to Patrick and cleared my throat, praying that my voice would not betray me. “Patrick, can Melody stay with you tonight?” He just gave me a concerned look.

“You know she’s always welcome to, but what’s wrong?” He asked quietly. I took a deep breath and sighed.

“Mikey and I have some things to talk about. I just rather her not be around when things are said, ”I said, hoping that he wouldn’t question me any further. He nodded and picked her up. He grabbed her overnight bag and hugged me goodbye. I kissed her cheek and watched as he took her to his car. Pete and Joe got in after him. I watched as they drove away. I asked everyone to leave, and soon, it was just Mikey, Jimmy, and myself. I walked over to Jimmy.

“Listen, I didn’t mean for this to-“ I cut him off.

“Doesn’t matter. Just please go home. I may end up needing you to come get me…”I said quietly. He nodded and hugged me quickly before getting into his car. As soon as he left, I went back inside and shut the door behind me. I walked to the living room where Mikey was standing, staring out of the window.

“I can’t believe you…”He muttered coldly.

“You can’t believe me?! You are such an asshole!” I shouted as the rage and terror and generally negative emotions erupted inside of me. I took a deep breath and tried to regain my composure. “He’s been here for me and we’ve never had a fight. He’s been there for me when you couldn’t be. He has literally dropped what he was doing to be with me in my time of need. I just wish I could say the same for you. You aren’t the person I married. I don’t know if it’s the fame or your new look, but you have a huge ego and I just feel like I don’t have a place in your life anymore…”

“Ashlyn…”Mikey said quietly. I just put my hand up.

“So, you asked me if I love him. There’s my answer. I do love him.” I could almost see his heart break. After a couple of minutes, his expression went from one of shock and hurt to one of anger and betrayal.

“You are whore! First, my brother. Then, me. And now, some guy who has been in love with you since the day he fucking met you! You will be with anyone who says they fucking care about you!” He spat. I froze, stunned by his words.

“You know what? I’m fucking glad he’s been in love with me! At least I know I have a real man who actually fucking cares and who puts Melody and me first! One who doesn’t show up just whenever he feels like it. One who will literally fucking stop what he’s doing and come see me just because I heard a sound outside! You know what? I’m fucking in love with him too!” I grabbed my phone and took off out the front door. I ran down the sidewalk and just kept running. This was a convincing Halloween because this was a fucking nightmare.