Drowning in a River of Denial
Just You Wait, Baby
“This is our last night on tour! And I wouldn’t want to be anywhere but here in this fucking beautiful city! Plus, when we leave here, we’re going straight home… but that doesn’t matter. We fucking love you, Baltimore!” I yelled into my microphone. The crowd screamed in response.
“Alex!” Jack yelled at me.
“What?” I replied.
“You have a little something on the back of your head,” he said. I looked sideways at my best friend. He was staring at me, smirking. I slowly reaching my hand up and pulled several very large spit wads from my hair. I held them in my hand in front of me.
“I know you guys in the crowd can’t see this shit, but in my hand right now is more than half a dozen spit wads… And there’s one person I’m positive these came from. So, excuse me for a second,” I said, removing my guitar and laying it beside my microphone stand. I turned and walked towards the back of the stage, back to the drumset. I climbed clumsily up some shit and leaped at Rian from where I was perched, screaming loudly. I caught him in the shoulder and we tumbled off his stool and the raised platform the drumset was kept on, landing on a load of wires.
“Evan, you owe me fifty bucks. I told you Alex could fly,” Jack said into his microphone. I had Rian pinned, sitting on his waist and his arms held against the floor above his head. He looked so innocent beneath me, biting his lip and just looking so goddamn hot.
“I’m going to snap your drumsticks in half if you don’t stop,” I threatened. It was empty. He knew it. I knew it. I couldn’t snap drumsticks in half. I’m weak as shit.
“Uh-huh. Sure. Get off.”
“Promise you’ll stop,” I said impatiently. I wasn’t getting off of him until he pinky swore not to shoot spit wads into my hair. My hair took a while to get the way I wanted it to, and I wasn’t going to have Rian fuck that up.
“Fine, Alex, I promise. Can we get this show going?” he said. I stared at him, straight in the eyes. He swallowed audibly.
“Gaskarth! Get off of Dawson and start the fucking song already!” Flyzik’s voice came through my in-ear monitor. I stuck my tongue at Rian, who merely shook his head and got off of the drummer.
“We’ll continue this later,” I said, pointing at my friend before working my way back to the front of the stage. I picked up my guitar and put it back on with a smile at the crowd. “That’s better. Rian had to be taught a lesson,” I winked at them.
“You know, you never teach me a lesson anymore,” Jack said, sniffling into his microphone, trying not to smile. And failing.
“Just you wait, baby,” I raised my eyebrows at him suggestively. He burst out laughing and just like that, we launched into Time Bomb. The kids went crazy. Everyone was so excited for Dirty Work to come out, and honestly, so am I. I can’t wait for everyone to hear it, all of it. It comes out on June 7th, which is about a month away.
The show passed both quickly and sluggishly at the same time, which I found odd. I wanted to go home, but I also didn’t want this tour end yet. I was having the greatest time of my life. I don’t know what it was, but the more that this album became known, the prouder I felt. There was something about Dirty Work that made me open up, about everything I was and more importantly, who I was. That’s why, about halfway through the tour, I came out.
Yes, I am gay, not that anyone thought I was straight. Even Lisa, my ex-girlfriend used to tell me that she wasn’t convinced that I was into her because she had a vagina where I’d rather have a penis. We had just finished playing a new song from our upcoming album when it hit me, staring out over the excited crowd.
Why was I hiding who I was? They don’t care who I’m going to fall in love with. Over half of them probably want me to be gay anyway for their fantasies of me with Jack.
Just like that, in between Paper Moon and Break Your Little Heart, I called everyone’s attention.
“Hey guys, can I be honest with you right now? There’s something I want to tell you,” I said, messing with my hair. I was a little nervous, but why should I be? These are my Hustlers. They shouldn’t care who I want to fuck.
I took a deep breath and stared out at the sea of expectant faces.
“I’m gay,” I said. Oh, how the crowd went nuts! The security hated me that night. The kids were crazy and I loved every single one of them for not walking out on me and not breaking down the gate to come and strangle me.
Now, a couple of weeks later, the hype has died down and life is back to normal. Sort of. I’m openly gay now, which I’m still adjusting to. I can actually flirt with guys, which is nice. But there’s one small problem with me being gay and open and still in the band.
I find Rian Dawson really attractive. Like, fuckable attractive. This is a problem because I live with the drummer, and he doesn’t know how sexy he is to me. Fuck.
“Alex!” Jack yelled at me.
“What?” I replied.
“You have a little something on the back of your head,” he said. I looked sideways at my best friend. He was staring at me, smirking. I slowly reaching my hand up and pulled several very large spit wads from my hair. I held them in my hand in front of me.
“I know you guys in the crowd can’t see this shit, but in my hand right now is more than half a dozen spit wads… And there’s one person I’m positive these came from. So, excuse me for a second,” I said, removing my guitar and laying it beside my microphone stand. I turned and walked towards the back of the stage, back to the drumset. I climbed clumsily up some shit and leaped at Rian from where I was perched, screaming loudly. I caught him in the shoulder and we tumbled off his stool and the raised platform the drumset was kept on, landing on a load of wires.
“Evan, you owe me fifty bucks. I told you Alex could fly,” Jack said into his microphone. I had Rian pinned, sitting on his waist and his arms held against the floor above his head. He looked so innocent beneath me, biting his lip and just looking so goddamn hot.
“I’m going to snap your drumsticks in half if you don’t stop,” I threatened. It was empty. He knew it. I knew it. I couldn’t snap drumsticks in half. I’m weak as shit.
“Uh-huh. Sure. Get off.”
“Promise you’ll stop,” I said impatiently. I wasn’t getting off of him until he pinky swore not to shoot spit wads into my hair. My hair took a while to get the way I wanted it to, and I wasn’t going to have Rian fuck that up.
“Fine, Alex, I promise. Can we get this show going?” he said. I stared at him, straight in the eyes. He swallowed audibly.
“Gaskarth! Get off of Dawson and start the fucking song already!” Flyzik’s voice came through my in-ear monitor. I stuck my tongue at Rian, who merely shook his head and got off of the drummer.
“We’ll continue this later,” I said, pointing at my friend before working my way back to the front of the stage. I picked up my guitar and put it back on with a smile at the crowd. “That’s better. Rian had to be taught a lesson,” I winked at them.
“You know, you never teach me a lesson anymore,” Jack said, sniffling into his microphone, trying not to smile. And failing.
“Just you wait, baby,” I raised my eyebrows at him suggestively. He burst out laughing and just like that, we launched into Time Bomb. The kids went crazy. Everyone was so excited for Dirty Work to come out, and honestly, so am I. I can’t wait for everyone to hear it, all of it. It comes out on June 7th, which is about a month away.
The show passed both quickly and sluggishly at the same time, which I found odd. I wanted to go home, but I also didn’t want this tour end yet. I was having the greatest time of my life. I don’t know what it was, but the more that this album became known, the prouder I felt. There was something about Dirty Work that made me open up, about everything I was and more importantly, who I was. That’s why, about halfway through the tour, I came out.
Yes, I am gay, not that anyone thought I was straight. Even Lisa, my ex-girlfriend used to tell me that she wasn’t convinced that I was into her because she had a vagina where I’d rather have a penis. We had just finished playing a new song from our upcoming album when it hit me, staring out over the excited crowd.
Why was I hiding who I was? They don’t care who I’m going to fall in love with. Over half of them probably want me to be gay anyway for their fantasies of me with Jack.
Just like that, in between Paper Moon and Break Your Little Heart, I called everyone’s attention.
“Hey guys, can I be honest with you right now? There’s something I want to tell you,” I said, messing with my hair. I was a little nervous, but why should I be? These are my Hustlers. They shouldn’t care who I want to fuck.
I took a deep breath and stared out at the sea of expectant faces.
“I’m gay,” I said. Oh, how the crowd went nuts! The security hated me that night. The kids were crazy and I loved every single one of them for not walking out on me and not breaking down the gate to come and strangle me.
Now, a couple of weeks later, the hype has died down and life is back to normal. Sort of. I’m openly gay now, which I’m still adjusting to. I can actually flirt with guys, which is nice. But there’s one small problem with me being gay and open and still in the band.
I find Rian Dawson really attractive. Like, fuckable attractive. This is a problem because I live with the drummer, and he doesn’t know how sexy he is to me. Fuck.