Drowning in a River of Denial
Get. Out.
“ROBERT RIAN DAWSON, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” she screamed. Alex got off of my lap, sitting on the chair beside my bed. He looked over at me, eyes scared. I reached over to him and took his hand.
“Mom, we’re… well, we’re together.”
She glared, her gaze hot while staying completely icy.
“If you’re pulling some kind of fucking joke, Rian, it’s not funny.”
I rolled my eyes and adjusted myself on the bed. My leg wasn’t exactly in a cast, it was just wrapped in self-adhesive medical wrap because I fucked up my ankle. My body was covered in plenty of stitches and bandages. I felt like a life-like mummy.
“I’m not trying to be funny, Mom. I’m serious. Alex and I,” I glanced at him and he smiled slightly. “He’s my boyfriend.”
That smile spread, from ear to ear. He was grinning, and it was just because of one word. Because I’d finally let him have his label. Boyfriend.
“When you get out of here, you’re coming home with me and we’re going to see Pastor Tom,” she growled.
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. No.”
“I am your mother, Rian. You cannot tell m-”
“No. I am not a child anymore! I am an adult now and I can decide for myself where I go and who I take with me when I go. You can’t make me see Pastor Tom, and even if you did, I’m not changing my mind about Alex. He’s my boyfriend and if you can’t accept that, then you can get the fuck out of my hospital room. And while you’re at it, my life. I don’t need you telling me that being with Alex is wrong. I’m happy with my life, so get out if you’re not gonna support me the way you should!”
Alex looked between the two of us, gaze darting back and forth while we stared each other down.
“Fine, if that’s the way you want it. But don’t come crawling back to me when that fag breaks your heart. Do you understand me?” she said, voice low and intimidating.
“Get. Out.”
She stormed out, slamming the door behind her. I flopped backwards and pulled Alex’s hand towards me. He got the hint and climbed up with me, cuddling me against him.
“That was a really brave thing to do, Rian. I’m proud of you, baby,” he whispered, kissing the skin behind my ear.
“Says the guy that came out in front of close to a thousand people,” I mumbled back.
“That was nothing. Really. I knew that I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I couldn’t lie anymore. So, it just kinda happened. But what you just did, standing up to your mom, your own mother, was the bravest thing I have ever seen anyone do. And I am so unbelievably proud of you.”
I sighed.
“I don’t want her to go. I love my mom. She just gave me no other choice.”
Alex pressed his lips to my forehead.
“Don’t think about it right now. You’ve been through a lot. Let’s just, relax and be like this for awhile.”
“And when the guys come back?” I asked nervously.
“That’s all up to you. You could ask me to leave this bed so they don’t know, or I could stay and they’ll figure it out.”
“No. Stay. I just… I’m scared that everyone knowing will change everything.”
“It won’t.”
“You can’t promise me that, Lex.”
“I can.”
“How?”
“Because, I won’t let it. You and I, Ri, I won’t let anything change.”
I hummed and pushed myself further into Alex’s arms, ready for a nice long nap. Luckily for me, my body agreed, and so did Alex’s.
“Mom, we’re… well, we’re together.”
She glared, her gaze hot while staying completely icy.
“If you’re pulling some kind of fucking joke, Rian, it’s not funny.”
I rolled my eyes and adjusted myself on the bed. My leg wasn’t exactly in a cast, it was just wrapped in self-adhesive medical wrap because I fucked up my ankle. My body was covered in plenty of stitches and bandages. I felt like a life-like mummy.
“I’m not trying to be funny, Mom. I’m serious. Alex and I,” I glanced at him and he smiled slightly. “He’s my boyfriend.”
That smile spread, from ear to ear. He was grinning, and it was just because of one word. Because I’d finally let him have his label. Boyfriend.
“When you get out of here, you’re coming home with me and we’re going to see Pastor Tom,” she growled.
“No.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. No.”
“I am your mother, Rian. You cannot tell m-”
“No. I am not a child anymore! I am an adult now and I can decide for myself where I go and who I take with me when I go. You can’t make me see Pastor Tom, and even if you did, I’m not changing my mind about Alex. He’s my boyfriend and if you can’t accept that, then you can get the fuck out of my hospital room. And while you’re at it, my life. I don’t need you telling me that being with Alex is wrong. I’m happy with my life, so get out if you’re not gonna support me the way you should!”
Alex looked between the two of us, gaze darting back and forth while we stared each other down.
“Fine, if that’s the way you want it. But don’t come crawling back to me when that fag breaks your heart. Do you understand me?” she said, voice low and intimidating.
“Get. Out.”
She stormed out, slamming the door behind her. I flopped backwards and pulled Alex’s hand towards me. He got the hint and climbed up with me, cuddling me against him.
“That was a really brave thing to do, Rian. I’m proud of you, baby,” he whispered, kissing the skin behind my ear.
“Says the guy that came out in front of close to a thousand people,” I mumbled back.
“That was nothing. Really. I knew that I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I couldn’t lie anymore. So, it just kinda happened. But what you just did, standing up to your mom, your own mother, was the bravest thing I have ever seen anyone do. And I am so unbelievably proud of you.”
I sighed.
“I don’t want her to go. I love my mom. She just gave me no other choice.”
Alex pressed his lips to my forehead.
“Don’t think about it right now. You’ve been through a lot. Let’s just, relax and be like this for awhile.”
“And when the guys come back?” I asked nervously.
“That’s all up to you. You could ask me to leave this bed so they don’t know, or I could stay and they’ll figure it out.”
“No. Stay. I just… I’m scared that everyone knowing will change everything.”
“It won’t.”
“You can’t promise me that, Lex.”
“I can.”
“How?”
“Because, I won’t let it. You and I, Ri, I won’t let anything change.”
I hummed and pushed myself further into Alex’s arms, ready for a nice long nap. Luckily for me, my body agreed, and so did Alex’s.