Too Much

Allie

Tears continued to spill down my face with no sign of stopping, why was I always so fucking emotional with everything. It wasn’t even Alex’s fault I was like this, it was my own fault there was no-one else to blame but myself…but here I was making him feel like shit.

Desperately I pushed my way through the ongoing crowd, but I was finding it difficult my eyeliner and mascara had smudged, and mixing in with my tears it was making my vision almost diabolical. However through my blurred vision I managed to safely make it into the confines of the women’s toilets.

Bursting into the empty, tiled toilets I quickly ran into the closest loo and locked the door. Positioning myself on the toilet seat I crossed my legs up on the closed seat and pulled out my make-up bag. Inspecting myself in the mirror I was presented with a fucked up mess, because that was what I was…I was fucked up and nobody was going to fix me, fuck I couldn’t even fix me.

“Yes I fucking cheated, but it’s only because you’re such a frigid bitch!”

Screaming at me I felt a sudden hatred to my now ex boyfriend. Thousands of eyes burned through my body and I hated it, I hated him for what he done. As if my life wasn’t in deep enough destruction already, he had to go and add fuel to the fire.

“You’re a fucking asshole Rob; You know what she’s fucking gone through these last few months. I’m surprised if she trusts anyone else again. I hope Crystal gives you a fucking STD, and then we’ll see who comes off better.”

Maddie placed a supportive arm around my waist, steering me out of prying eyes and Chinese whispers. We had never fitted in anywhere not in Primary school and definitely not in Secondary school, Rob had obviously found his calling…Crystal’s calling.

Pulling a make-up wipe out of my bag I glided the wet material over my face, trying to erase the eyeliner as I forced myself to remember my life back in England. After Rob I was a mess, call it a classic break-up reaction sob story if you must…but it was the truth. He was my first real relationship; I was so scared to even dive into the deep end with him. I didn’t know how to act in relationships, I still don’t now, which is why I completely froze when it came to that sleaze.

Which is why when I found out we were moving to Baltimore I was secretly happy, a fresh start you know? Forget about everything that had happened and move on, but I was turning out to be the same person I was in England. It wasn’t Alex’s fault I was always crying, he didn’t know everything. If I told him he would understand, but if I told him I would opening up to him; and I know if I opened to him, I would fall for him. Something which I know was impossible, he was destined for much more, it was way too soon and lastly why the hell would he be interested in me, I’m just his best friend right?

Sobbing to myself quietly I wiped away the last of my falling tears with a paper tissue, my skin red raw from the chemicals of the makeup wipe rubbing vigorously against my sensitive skin. Eventually I managed to reapply my eyeliner and mascara with precision using my hand mirror, gathering myself and composure I inhaled deeply. Reaching out to unlock the door I was just about to leave when I was stopped in my tracks.

Instantly I relocked the toilet door and retook my position on the closed toilet seat, crossing my legs to remain undetected. This was about to get interesting.

“Argh she is such a whiny little bitch, she cries on the field and Gaskarth goes running. I bet at home she is one of these depressed scene kids, who like, cut their wrists and shit, I bet she has cuts all up her arm”

“I mean god she thinks she all that, I mean she’s not even that pretty”

“HA I know, God. Obviously having dated Alex myself, I know he is only hanging out with her because he feels sorry for her. She’s just a scared, little British girl calling out for his help, I know she is SO NOT his type”

“She’s a skank, she’s just an easy fuck for Alex and the way she dresses…don’t even get me started.”

Looking down at my playsuit and Chuck Taylor’s I felt my blood boil and rage violently throughout my body. I dress how the fuck I like to dress and Alex wasn’t like that, he wouldn’t use me. My body began to shake instantly at the venomous words that escaped Nicole’s mouth along with her group. Suddenly as I clenched my fists I realized I didn’t have to endure another Crystal situation, I could take a risk and it was a risk I was willing to take.

Sliding the metal lock of the toilets across forcefully, a loud click erupted echoing off the tiles, instantly bringing the malicious chatter crashing to a deafening silence. In a calming manner I walked out normally, heading across to the mirrors. Nicole rolled her eyes at me and whispered among her clones while I glared at her behind me in the mirror.

“Problem?”

Sarcasm drowned my tone as it escaped; while Nicole looked slightly taken aback, she didn’t expect me to retaliate but she just slagged me off what did she expect me to do kiss her fucking ass!

“No I don’t, only except for the worthless piece of trash standing in my way of going to get my man”

She sneered adding extra emphasis on “my man”. Had I missed something? because I don’t exactly remember Alex mentioning that they were ever official. Smirking at Nicole, she raised her brow at me curiously; she was confused at why I was so happy, she was after Alex.

“Please you need to get the damn over yourself, you’re all just jealous because Alex actually wanted to be friends with me…best friends”

Nicole scoffed interrupting me from my continual rant at her; gaining the courage and guts in a matter of minutes I began to carry on.

“You need to accept that Alex likes me as company and not you guys, he never did…”

High pitched laughter seemingly coming from Nicole cut me off, with one hand resting limply on her hip she took a stride forward, her model like height gaining advantage over me.

“Oh really if he liked you why the hell was he fucking me 3 weeks ago”

Flicking her blonde locks over her shoulder, she turned on her heel high fiving Sophie and the rest of her clique. But I wasn’t letting her win this time; I was determined not to be the old Allie.

“Please he didn’t want to fuck you; you were so damn desperate and probably threw yourself at him. Plus I wasn’t here 3 weeks ago, try 2; and tell me in them 2 weeks has he fucked you since or rejected you just like every other lad in Baltimore High”

I spat with more bite than probably intended, but she deserved it. She glanced nervously at the rest of her group as their eyes bore into Nicole as they eagerly awaited a response.

“Do you know what Johnson you’re welcome to him, go fuck him for all I care. He’ll only end up hurting you and when he does I’ll be right there waiting, but don’t say we didn’t warn you”

“Geeee Thanks!”

I added sarcastically as Nicole pushed past me storming out of the toilets and swiftly exiting the Rock Cave almost immediately. Proud of myself I did a little victory dance in the toilets, pumping my fist into the air before I was interrupted by someone else walking in on me.

Passing my dance off as just a plain scratching of the neck, I giggled to myself blushing a deep scarlet before running out of the toilets and back into the now heavily packed, sweaty atmosphere crowd that had crammed into Rock Cave.

My legs were about to start to move their way through the crowd to find Maddie but before I took one step, I heard a familiar voice whisper on the back of my neck.

“Boo”

“Alex! what the fuck you scared the fucking life out of me”

Spinning around on the spot, clutching my chest in sheer fright I was confronted with Alex leaning against the wall with his one foot lifted and resting against it also. A deep chuckle emitted from the back of his throat, before he used his foot to push off the wall with and walk over to me.

“I wanted to apologize for before; I didn’t mean to kick off on you. I didn’t want to make you cry, it’s just I don’t understand you sometimes. But I guess what I’m trying to say is…sorry”

Biting down onto my bottom lip I tried to conceal the smirk begging to show as I inverted my gaze down to my Chuck Taylor’s, which was until a pink blush on my cheeks blew my cover. Alex laughed before placing a gentle peck on my cheek, causing me to blush more violently. Damn that boy and his ways.

“Good, because I’m not apologizing back”

I spoke asserted my dominance, planting both my feet firmly on my floor and crossing my arms across my chest. Remaining in my position for a good couple of minutes I nearly had Alex panicking but I couldn’t torture him anymore; his face making me crease into a fit of giggles, his cheeks flushed repeating mine a couple of minutes previous before he looked down at me playfully.

“Figures”

Suddenly Joe jumped up onto the stage grabbing the mic and pulling it near, he tapped the mic testing it was on and clearing his throat briefly.

“Well guys, the band we had lined up had to pull out but we have a replacement. They’re a local band, so give it up for ALL TIME LOW!”

He shouted down the mic searching for the guys underneath the spotlight, Alex sighed and turned to me a giant grin tugging on the corners of his lips.

“Showbiz calls”

He mocked in a camp voice while he stood analyzing my expression, he made no effort to move to the stage and his stares were beginning to get a bit awkward for me.

“Well GO!”

I giggled pushing his arm forcefully directing him to the stage.

“Ow alright I’m going”

He responded rubbing his arm where I had pushed him before joining Jack, Zack and Rian on stage. Eventually as I pushed my way towards the front I was successfully rejoined with Maddie.

The boys introduced themselves before jumping into their first number, We say Summer. Smiling to myself me and Maddie joined in singing as we had heard this song on Alex’s laptop last week, whilst we were lounging around in the garden together. The rest of the crowd went crazy dancing and some boys even starting mosh pits in certain areas.

Jack was busy flailing his long legs about on the stage as his child like, energetic personality shone threw his stage performances. Alex was busy concentrating on his guitar and singing, his voice enough to melt the coldest winters. I had heard him sing briefly, but he refused to sing one of their songs but hearing his voice on this level was truly mesmerizing. Maddie and I then continued to laugh with one another, as we noticed how Zack and Rian proudly showed off their new found muscles to the ladies through the use of their instruments.

Once the song ended on the last note the crowd erupted into ecstatic cheers, considering it was their first gig it seemed that looking around the guys had a huge following already. The boys noticed this too as they glanced out, million dollar grins plastered on all of their faces. Alex stepped up to the mic to take time to introduce the next song, but what he said next I wasn’t prepared for in the slightest as he whispered between himself and the band.