Carpe Diem

As the days went on my worrying hit rock bottom, every day it got a little worse, I wanted the five days to drag and go as slow as they possibly could but the thing is, when you want that to happen, it never happens. I was surprised I hadn’t had any panic attacks, because that was definitely the way it was going. I swear my heart started to race a little more every day, no matter what I did, I always found myself thinking about the tour, no matter how much I tried to distract myself nothing seemed to work. Hayden was the only person who understood why I was reacting how I was, I’m pretty sure all the guys thought I had lost the plot, considering they knew nothing about it, but I could tell I was starting to worry Collin, so I came to the conclusion that I’d have to tell him, just so he’d stop worrying about me and stop making me feel guilty for not saying anything, and considering it was Sunday, which meant the tour was going to be starting tomorrow much to my dismay. I wasn’t going to tell him about that but I was going to tell him everything else, he deserved to know more than anyone.
Collin and I were sat outside whilst Kade was asleep, Hayden continued packing as did the guys next door, but considering Collin and I had already done it I thought of it was the perfect opportunity to tell him.

“I need to tell you something.” I sighed.

“It’s not something bad is it? Are you okay?!” He panicked.

I laughed a little, Collin was the definition of a perfect guy.

“Collin I’m fine, but I think you deserve to know why I’m freaking out so much about the tour tomorrow.” I said as I rubbed the back of my neck.

“Oh right, well, what’s wrong?”

“I..uh..tomorrow won’t be the first time that I meet Taking Back Sunday.”

He looked utterly confused.

“Oh? I suppose you’ve seen them when they’ve played before?” He questioned.

“Not exactly, well, the bassist…Matt, he’s my cousin.”

“Why didn’t you say anything before?”

“I didn’t see it as important, I’m not the type of person to be like “oh by the way, you know Matt from Taking Back Sunday? He’s my cousin.” you know?”

“I know you’re not that type of person, but you could’ve mentioned it.” He chuckled.

“So you’re not mad?” I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“Why would I be? Plus I’m sure I would’ve found out on tour anyway.” he shrugged.

“Er, Collin?”

“Yeah?”

“There’s more to it than that.” I said hesitantly.

“How much more?” He said as he raised an eyebrow.

So I explained everything, from how I’d gone to visit Matt in New York that summer, to how Adam and I hated each others guts for years, to how I felt the need to leave just as Adam confessed how he loved me just before. Needless to say Collin was gobsmacked, literally. He sat there just staring at me, as if trying to process everything I just said.

“Collin? You okay?” I asked as I waved a hand in front of his face.

“Yeah I’m fine, just wow.” He said as he shook his head.

“Wow what?” I questioned.

“Wow now I can see why you’d be worried.” He chuckled softly.

I nodded and sighed.

“Taylor don’t worry about it, it’s been a while, I’m sure it’s all forgotten.” He said reassuringly.

“I hope so, but I can’t help but worry.” I sighed.

“I can understand why, but you know deep down inside it’ll be okay.” He smiled as he wrapped his arms around me tightly.

“I guess so, thanks Collin, you always know what to say.” I chuckled as I kissed his cheek and wrapped my arms around him just as tight.

“We’re like family, Taylor. I’m always going to be here for you, and Kade.”

“That we are, and I really appreciate that. We’ll always be here for you too, you know how much Kade loves you.” I grinned.

“I love him too, it’s strange how much I love a kid that isn’t mine.” He said as he laughed. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Neither would I, Collin. Neither would I.” I smiled to myself as I continued to hug him.

Collin was a lot like Matt in how much he meant to me and vice versa, it was like I had two Matt’s, and I wouldn’t change either of them for the world. As for Matt, the thought of seeing him found a way to break down the panic and make me feel a little better, it’d been about three months since I’d last seen Matt, three months too long, and quite frankly, I couldn’t wait to see my cousin, well, brother again.

“What time do we need to be up by tomorrow?” I asked Collin as I broke away from him.

“I’d say about four thirty, considering we have a seven hour drive to Newark, New Jersey.”

“So early!” I whined playfully.

“Suck it up, Taylor! It’ll be worth it!” He grinned.

“Of course it will, since I’ve agreed to come along.” I stated smugly, earning a shove.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Taylor!” He scoffed playfully.

I laughed in response and pushed my bangs out of my face.

“What do you think the tour’s going to be like? Like how do you think it’s going to be set out?” I questioned.

“Well the boss that we met at the Fueled headquarters called earlier to see if there were any enquires, so Nathan asked him how it was going to be set out, and apparently it’s going to be a lot like Warped Tour in the respect that it’ll be outside where there’ll be a merch tent for each individual band. Also we’re like the three main acts, but there’ll be other smaller bands that have gotten a slot on there too.” He grinned.

“Now that really does sound good!” I laughed.

“So it’s kind of like a mini Warped Tour, I’m so excited!” He squealed.

“You and me both!” I chuckled.

It was true, though. I felt a lot better about speaking to Collin and my worry slowly melted away, but of course it couldn’t disappear completely as I still had to come face to face with Adam. I was starting to relax a bit more than I had over the last four days, which was a big accomplishment. Collin and I had completely lost track of the time as we got lost in conversation about a range of different things, not that I was complaining because I’d missed our long talks about anything and everything, but the next time we took a breath to move onto our next subject I couldn’t help but notice the sky growing darker.

“Collin, what time is it?” I questioned.

He got out his phone to see. “Holy shit it’s nine thirty, we’d better get back inside.” He chuckled.

“Only back inside? Are you kidding? My bed’s calling me, considering I have to be up at an illogical time in the morning!” I scoffed as I pushed him playfully before standing up and outstretching a hand for him to take.

“I agree with you there, I think it’s time to sleep.” He laughed as he grabbed my hand as I pulled him up.

“I’ll see you in the morning, Tay! Bright and early, just how you like it.” He smirked as he pulled me in for a hug.

“Oh you’re so funny, Ross!” I chuckled as I hugged him back tightly.

“Give Kade a kiss from me!” I exclaimed.

“Don’t I always?” I laughed as we pulled apart.

“Night kid!” He said as he kissed me on the cheek and made his way back through the house.

I laughed to myself as I headed back into the house, hearing the front door close gently as I did so. I locked the back door and made sure I’d put everything away as I wouldn’t have had time to do it before we left. I turned off the kitchen light and made my way up the stairs and across the stair way into Kade’s room. I opened the door quietly to hear complete silence, realising he was still fast asleep I smiled to myself and closed the door quietly. I walked the few steps to Hayden’s room and pushed the door open to see she was still packing.

“Need some help?” I chuckled as I closed the door behind me.

“If you’d have gotten here sooner I would’ve said yes, but I’m good.” She laughed as she put the last remaining things into her suitcase.

“You should get some sleep, soon! We’ve got to get up in just under five hours.” I groaned.

“Suck it up, it’ll be worth it.” She grinned.

“True that, but it’s still early!” I scoffed.

“Do you want me to come and wake you up? Considering you’ll ignore your alarm no doubt.” She smirked.

“I’d appreciate that, thanks Hayden.” I laughed.

“You’re welcome, loser.” She smiled as she wrapped her arms around me tightly.

I hugged her back tightly and chuckled softly. How’d I coped without her I did not know.

“Now get to bed!” She demanded as she let go of me and pushed me towards the door.

“I’m going, I’m going!” I laughed.

“I love you!” She exclaimed as she pushed me out of her room and closed the door quietly.

“Yeah yeah I love you too.” I scoffed as I walked into my room and closed the door gently behind me.

I quickly checked that I hadn’t left anything that I’d need to take with me around my bedroom or in my wardrobe as I moved my suitcases and rucksack by the side of my bed, placing my ipod, phone charger and ipod charger into the top of the rucksack before zipping it closed. I got changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top that I hadn’t yet packed and crawled into bed. I sighed deeply as I closed my eyes, I was very nervous to see what tomorrow would bring, but very excited at the same time, but one thing was for sure, I needed all the sleep I could get.