oh, denial

“What do you want to do with your life?” Gerard asked me. He was seated in the grass, his back pressed against the trunk of a large oak tree. When I didn’t answer right away he looked up into the branches, trying to figure out where I’d climbed off to.

I moved so that he could see me and smiled down at him. “I don’t know,” I answered, settling onto a branch. I ran a hand through my hair. “I don’t think about it all that much. I mean, I know I have to do something sooner or later, but I’m not… I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing, you know?”

Gerard shook his head. “Not really.”

I sighed and jumped off of the branch, startling Gerard. I laughed lightly and sat down next to him. “I want to do something I’m good at, you know? Find my calling.”

Gerard smiled, kissing my cheek. “What do you think that is?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know yet; maybe I’ll make music or go to culinary school… who knows?”

“Culinary school? Mikey says you can barely toast bread!” Gerard replied, laughing.

I rolled my eyes. “Mikey doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I can, very well, toast bread. Hell, I can make cereal too.”

Once his laughter died down Gerard wiped at his eyes and looked down at me, his smile remaining constant. It was strange how much I liked him. He was so different than most people in the way that he told you exactly what he was thinking. He helped me see the world through his eyes and called me out when he knew I wasn’t being completely honest.

“What about you?” I asked. “What do you wanna do?”

Gerard closed his eyes and exhaled. “I don’t know. I don’t think it matters all that much though. I’ll figure something out.”

“Well, what do you like?”

Gerard smirked. “You.”

I found myself blushing as he looked me directly in the eye. I’d never really been so straight forward in the way that Gerard was. I didn’t understand what he meant when he said I’d grow tired of him because he kept me so on edge. If anything, he’d grow tired of me being so… not like him.

“I meant career wise, Gee.”

“Oh, so we have pet names now?” He asked. He was only teasing me now because he knew I hated it. He wanted to make me blush.

“Gerard, just answer the question,” I told him, my face growing hot.

He sighed, a broad smile on his lips. “I think it’s cute,” he told me. “You giving me a pet name.”

I nodded, lowering my head so he couldn’t see my face. “Yeah, okay.”

I felt his finger on the underside of my chin as he lifted my gaze to meet his. I saw him smile in that way only he could manage. “You should stop being so shy, Frankie,” he told me. “It’s only me.”

“I’m not shy,” I lied.

He chuckled. “Yeah; you kinda are.”

I blushed and just to prove him wrong, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. Gerard breathed in deep through his nose, his eyes slipping shut as he lifted his hands to cup both of my cheeks. I liked kissing him, although I’d never really admit it. I felt his tongue push at my bottom lip, making me smile as I allowed him to get acquainted inside. My hands slid up his sides and into his hair, causing him to exhale deeply into my mouth.

What’s funny is that, before Gerard, I didn’t have all that much experience with guys. I’d only ever kissed two or three before that night at the club and even then, we didn’t even make out. I’d never even had what someone would call a real boyfriend. Gerard was kind of my first fore pretty much everything.

When the need for air became too much I pulled away and looked at Gerard a smile finding its way onto my lips. “I’m not shy,” I told him.

Gerard chuckled, dropping his head. He drew in a deep breath, exhaling shortly afterward, before looking back up at me. “Okay, Frankie. I’ll take your word for that.

I smiled and made myself comfortable against the tree, resting my head against Gerard’s shoulder. “Are you ever gonna answer my question?” I asked him.

“What question?”

“I asked you what you liked. You know, what you enjoy doing with your time.”

Gerard opened his mouth to answer me, but stopped himself before any words could come out. After a few seconds he turned so he was making eye contact. “Art,” he told me. “I like art.”

“Art?” I repeated.

Gerard nodded. “Yeah. I like drawing and painting and stuff.”

“How come you never told me this?” I asked him. “You never told me you were an artist.”

Gerard laughed, wrapping an arm around me so he could pull me into his side. “That’s because I’m not an artist, Frankie. It’s more of a hobby that anything else.”

I sighed. “Well, you should show me this hobby of yours. I wanna see what you do with your spare time.”

Gerard smiled, peeking down at me from the corner of his eye. “Okay. One of these days, I’ll show you.”