Status: Completed
I'm Not Your Superman
It was only you
“Ryan, have you been taking your meds?” Brendon asks.
“They’re not working,” Ryan replies.
“The doctors have tried everything.”
“I can’t even write. The words don’t want to come out. They spill onto the pages in dull clumps. It’s not right, not good. I have to be able to write. I’m the writer.” Writing is who he is. Without it he is no one. He’s pacing the floor in front of his boyfriend. It’s a nervous habit of his that’s always drove Brendon crazy. Sometimes he felt like he had to be moving or he’d explode. It was a side effect of the medications.
“Sit down already,” Brendon pleads.
“I can’t,” is Ryan’s simple response. The doctors have tried everything now. There’s nothing that’s going to work for him. Something has to work though! This can’t be the end…or can it?
“What are you thinking about Ry?”
“Do you think it would hurt if I jumped out the window?”
“Damn it!” Brendon cursed suddenly. “I can’t fucking strap you to the bed and your medicines don’t work. The doctors have tried and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried so hard and there’s nothing left to try. You’re just…hopeless.”
“Hopeless?” Ryan stopped walking and looked straight at his boyfriend with sad eyes.
“Hopeless,” Brendon nodded. “There’s nothing else I can do for you, nothing anyone can. It’s over Ryan. I tried and I hoped but it’s all over now. I can’t help you. You’ve been clinging to me like I’m superman but I’m not. I can’t save you and I don’t even think I really love you anymore. I’m just so tired of this. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be your hero.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t do this,” tears form and begin to roll down Ryan’s face.
“I’m sorry,” he says and the door slams. He is gone. Ryan is alone. Brendon’s always been there for him through the ups and the downs. He’s always stood by him. He’s always been his superman, coming into save him even when he didn’t want to be saved. Now he was hopeless and helpless. No one would ever love him or take care of him again. No one would ever be able to save him. It was all over now. How could he live without Brendon? It wasn’t even something that sounded mildly possible.
He wants so badly to be free of it all. He wants to put an end to it. He climbs up and closes his eyes, arms outstretched. He wants to fly and be free. He soars through the air and lands flat on the sidewalk in front of the hotel just as Brendon is getting into his car. It really is over this time.
“They’re not working,” Ryan replies.
“The doctors have tried everything.”
“I can’t even write. The words don’t want to come out. They spill onto the pages in dull clumps. It’s not right, not good. I have to be able to write. I’m the writer.” Writing is who he is. Without it he is no one. He’s pacing the floor in front of his boyfriend. It’s a nervous habit of his that’s always drove Brendon crazy. Sometimes he felt like he had to be moving or he’d explode. It was a side effect of the medications.
“Sit down already,” Brendon pleads.
“I can’t,” is Ryan’s simple response. The doctors have tried everything now. There’s nothing that’s going to work for him. Something has to work though! This can’t be the end…or can it?
“What are you thinking about Ry?”
“Do you think it would hurt if I jumped out the window?”
“Damn it!” Brendon cursed suddenly. “I can’t fucking strap you to the bed and your medicines don’t work. The doctors have tried and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried so hard and there’s nothing left to try. You’re just…hopeless.”
“Hopeless?” Ryan stopped walking and looked straight at his boyfriend with sad eyes.
“Hopeless,” Brendon nodded. “There’s nothing else I can do for you, nothing anyone can. It’s over Ryan. I tried and I hoped but it’s all over now. I can’t help you. You’ve been clinging to me like I’m superman but I’m not. I can’t save you and I don’t even think I really love you anymore. I’m just so tired of this. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be your hero.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t do this,” tears form and begin to roll down Ryan’s face.
“I’m sorry,” he says and the door slams. He is gone. Ryan is alone. Brendon’s always been there for him through the ups and the downs. He’s always stood by him. He’s always been his superman, coming into save him even when he didn’t want to be saved. Now he was hopeless and helpless. No one would ever love him or take care of him again. No one would ever be able to save him. It was all over now. How could he live without Brendon? It wasn’t even something that sounded mildly possible.
He wants so badly to be free of it all. He wants to put an end to it. He climbs up and closes his eyes, arms outstretched. He wants to fly and be free. He soars through the air and lands flat on the sidewalk in front of the hotel just as Brendon is getting into his car. It really is over this time.
♠ ♠ ♠
460 words.