I Brought You Bullets, You Brought Me Love

A few days soon became weeks; weeks became months, and months became years. Well, seven years, to be exact. Me and Frankie were very happy together, if I shall say, even though we never went any further than just some blow jobs and hand jobs; Frankie still haunted himself because of what he had done to me, and he wasn’t ready to let himself drift into anything more intimate than that. I was kinda glad we had survived all that, though; it proved and showed to all the non-believers that our love was true, and not some based on sex kind of thing. Me and Frankie had a more emotional and mental relationship than most of the couples, these days; we were incredibly good at reading each other’s emotions, and there was no way we could lie to each other.

I can still remember the day we both graduated like it was just yesterday… the minute we were out of that hell-hole we had to formally call a school, we kissed passionately in front of everyone; after that, the two of us plus Ray, Bob, E’ma, Mikey and Alicia [whom had finally got together] screamed a big ‘Fuck you!’ to all of those who bothered us, and then we screamed and laughed in happiness as we realized we wouldn’t have to go back to that stupid high school anymore. All of the people of our little group started being friends with Frank, and their friendship grew tighter and tighter, until they were inseparable; that made Frank a happier guy, and it even made our relationship stronger.

After high school, me and Frank moved in together, for a little apartment in New Jersey, but more near to the train station, so we could go to college; I went to New York Arts’ College, and he went for Music. His mom was still a sweetheart for us, and visited us once in a while and, from time to time, I’d give her one of my works… Mikey was now living with Alicia in an apartment nearby, and he’d come around very often with Alicia, and we’d spend a lot of time together; Ray, Bob and E’ma came often, too, and it was good to know we hadn’t forgotten each other even though we didn’t go to the same school anymore.

Me and Frankie still lived together, now; I worked at Cartoon Network, and he had a band of his now, Pencey Prep, where he was the lead-singer. Every Saturday night, I went to a club near our apartment and watched him play live; his voice was not the most melodic one, but I still loved the way he sang. He might not even be the best of the singers, but, to me, he had the voice of a bleeding angel; he way he sang and screamed reminded me of a beautiful storm breaking through a, previously, sunny day.

Today, it was just another Tuesday; another day of work for me, unfortunately. I didn’t wanna get up and have to leave my little angel’s side, but I had to; in order to do so, I got up without, moving too much so I wouldn’t wake up my baby, and quickly went for a shower; after I had done so, I dressed up and left home without taking any breakfast. I walked for less than five minutes to the train station, and luckily caught the first train to New York; I put on my headphones, and, all the way through the trip, The Misfits blasted through them, blocking everyone else around me.

As soon as I got out of the train, though, The Misfits can no longer be heard.

There’s people screaming everywhere, and a lot of people were running around, tears streaming down their faces as they tried to reach someone through their cell-phones; I looked out of the short building I was under, and I saw a big cloud of black smoke covering the sky, even though, just moments before, the sun was shining happily. I still didn’t understand what was going on, but I could already tell that the simple view of people going around like crazy was traumatizing; in order to fully understand what was going on, I walked in the direction everyone seemed to be running away from, a little scared of what I could see. Some of the people running by brushed against me, but I didn’t care; I looked at the direction they came from, finally out of the building, and I instantly froze. The World Trade Center was on fire.

As I watched it happen, I was unable to move; everything was slowly burning into my brain, and I couldn’t stop my eyes from watering, even though I didn’t know anyone from there. I watched bodies fly down the highest places of those buildings, like angels whose wings had been cut off; I watched people cry the losses of somebody they loved, and I instantly became supportive of their pain; I watched frantic calls being made, and I heard hurt screams pass through rusty throats as people realized they had lost people that were more than important to them, and they didn’t even had the time to say a proper goodbye to them. But, worst of all, I watched the second plane hit the other tower, taking it down; more screams erupted around my petrified figure, and I saw people fall on their knees when their cell-phones became shut and yet more dead-condemned bodies fell from the buildings… soon enough, though, both of the buildings fell to the floor, the previous smoke becoming even blinder. I could barely move on my own; I only moved when people passed through me, and when my chest rose and fell, aching, as I watched that terrifying thing happen right before my eyes.

I don’t know how long I stayed there, petrified; all that my eyes could see was the bodies falling from the sky like rain fallen from Hell, and all my ears could hear was the screams that’d haunt me till I was buried and dead… even then, I think I’d be able to hear them. I’d be able to still see their faces through my close eyelids as I made my way to the underground; I’d still be able to hear feel the frenzy around me as they tried to run away from that horrible scene…

It was only when I felt my cell-phone vibrate in my jeans’ pocket that I woke up from that freezing spell someone had put up on me; I reached for it with my shaky hands, and I didn’t even bother to look at the caller’s ID before picking up… all I wanted was to hear a familiar voice on the other side, so I’d know that I wasn’t alone in this alone, like I was feeling.

“Hello?” I said, my voice obviously trembling as my own tears finally started to fall through my face; at the same time, I turned around, those images still passing before my eyes, so I could catch a train back to New Jersey; there was no way I was going to work!

“Gee? Baby? Are you alright?” I heard that sweet voice of my boyfriend ask; his voice, even though it was broken and altered from all the concern, was like an injection put directly onto my brain; as soon as I heard him, things didn’t hurt so much anymore. My chest started to lighten up a bit, and I took some time to respond to him, just letting his voice sink in my head, so it would all be better; he kept calling for me, worried about my safety.

“I’m not okay” I replied, the tears still screaming on my face as they fell, just as I was walking back to the train station; it felt like that little drops of salty water were burning my cheeks as they passed by, setting a fire on it that would never be erased; they’d leave scars there, even though it would be invisible scars. “We’ll talk when I get home, darling; I gotta catch the train, now” I told him, my voice drained from any emotion I could be feeling; I only let my voice show my true emotions when I talked back at my baby, ending my dialogue. “Never forget that I love you, okay, baby? No matter what happens, I’ll always love you.”

I heard my lover sob on the other side, and I could even hear the silent path of hi tears as they ran down his face, but I didn’t say a thing; I waited for Frankie to be ready to reply, giving him time to recompose himself after what I had said, as I waited patiently for another train to arrive and finally take me back to where I wanted to be.

“I… I love you too, Gee. Be safe, okay?” He asked me, his voice still shaking as he said so; I had totally worn him out with my last sentence, but I really needed him to know how I felt. I replied to him with a brief ‘yeah’ and then hung up, entering the train that had just arrived; right on time, if I shall say.

I took the time of the trip back home to think about all I had seen in front of me; could I still reclaim my innocence? Was I doing anything worthy in this whole fucking world? What was I doing with my life?

I knew I would never forget about the hideous scene I had presented, but I could at least use that to change something; what if I could save other people from so messed up feelings like the ones I was feeling? What if I could become a savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned, like my father once told me to? What if I could finally do something worthy, in this world?

As I thought about all that, I didn’t even notice the time and, sooner than what I imagined, I was back at New Jersey; before the train could go any further, I left it, walking slowly back home, to my baby boy.

When I got there, all of my friends were there, dead worried about me; even Frank’s mom was there! I looked at them with a poker face, and quickly searched for my short beautiful boyfriend among the people that had gathered in my living room. When I saw Frankie, my heart became ashes, again, as I saw his bloodshot eyes and the tears still falling from his eyes; he ran to me, and I held him tightly against my body, not wanting to let go anymore. He was the only thing I needed to be whole, again, and I would never want to let him go; he was the only hope for me.

“I was so worried, baby!” He said, backing up a bit, and leaning back in to kiss me; we didn’t even involved tongues in that kiss, since it was only a ‘I’m glad you’re okay, honey’ kind of kiss, just lips brushing against each other to make me feel real. When our lips disconnected, I leaned my forehead against his and closed my eyes.

“It was so terrible, Frankie… there were people screaming, bodies falling from the sky… the sky was black, and the buildings were on fire… people were running and crying, holding onto their cell-phones for dear life… It was so horrible…” I said, more tears falling from my shut eyelids; he didn’t respond to me, though, which kinda surprised me.

“Guys, I think you better get back tomorrow” he said, as I opened my eyes to look at him; he was staring into my eyes with his hazel beauties, even though he was talking to everyone else. “Gee needs to rest” he stated, and I felt everyone leave the room, briefs ‘goodbyes’ flying around in a shy manner.

As soon as everyone left, Frankie backed away from me, taking my hand in his and leading us to our room; when we arrived there, he closed the door behind us, and we both walked to our bed, lying down, still clothed, and snuggling against each other. This time, though, he was the one comforting me, by petting my head and kissing it, from time to time, as I cried subtly against his chest; after a while, though, I got up from the bed, and he watched me as I reached for a notebook and a pen.

I think he thought I was going to draw, but he was wrong; I put the pen on the paper, and I let it fly freely, as he watched as I worked. When it was over, we both looked at what I had created, and snuggled against each other again, the notebook lying between us, with its hurtful words still running through my head.

You're not in this alone!
Let me break this awkward silence,
Let me go!
Go on record…
Be the first to say I'm sorry…
Hear me out!
And if you take me down,
Or would you lay me out?
And if the world needs something better,
Let's give them one more reason!
Now!
Now!
Now!

We walk in single file,
We light our rails
And punch our time.
Ride escalators colder than a cell!

(Come on)

This broken city sky,
Like butane on my skin,
Stolen from my eyes!
Hello Angel,
Tell me where are you!
Tell me where we go from here!

This broken city sky,
Like butane on my skin,
Stolen from my eyes!
Hello Angel,
Tell me where are you!
Tell me where we go from here!
Tell me we go from…

And in this moment we can't
Close the lids
On burning eyes
Our memories blanket us with
Friends we know,
Like fallout vapors
Steel corpses stretch out towards an
Ending sun,
Scorched and black,
It reaches in and tears your
Flesh apart,
As ice cold hands rip into your heart!

That's if you've still got one that's left
Inside that cave you call a chest…
And after seeing what we saw,
Can we still reclaim our innocence?
And if the world needs something better
Let's give them one more reason now!

This broken city sky,
Like butane on my skin,
Stolen from my eyes!
Hello Angel,
Tell me where are you!
Tell me where we go from here!

This broken city sky,
Like butane on my skin,
Stolen from my eyes!
Hello Angel,
Tell me where are you!
Tell me where we go from here!
Tell me we go from here...