I Brought You Bullets, You Brought Me Love

When the ambulance arrived, I had my tee-shirt wrapped around Frank’s throat, trying to stop the bleeding, and only my leather jacket on, also covered with blood, just like my hands and jeans. The paramedics took him away from me, making me cry even more, and asked me if I wanted to go with him to the hospital… I almost said yes, but then I remembered I had to talk to Linda about this; so, I refused and ran back to the school, not caring about the weird looks the few people that passed through me were giving me. In fact, I understood them; it’s not every day you see a pale boy with no shirt on, only wearing his leather jacket in an attempt to cover his chest, and covered in blood, well is it?
Anyway; I got inside of school, and instantly ran into the classroom where I knew Linda would be, not caring if I would scare my classmates, or even if Bob would see me.
- GERARD! – Linda screamed, as soon as she saw me. – What happened?
I couldn’t help it; I had to cry, and I couldn’t even low my voice so my classmates wouldn’t hear me.
- He… he cut his arms… - I started, sobbing between my words.
- Is that why you’re covered with so much blood? Did he bleed that much? – Miss Pricolo asked, really worried, but a little more relieved; still, she was packing her stuff.
- No! No… he… when he saw me… he… fuck, he cut his throat… he said that he should die… because he hurt me… and… he… - I broke down again, reaching my blood-filled hands onto my face, staining it red.
- What? My-my… Frankie. – Linda said, her emotions taking over her, as she sat on her chair, her head leaning on her hands. – Where is he? Why you left him there? Is he… de-dead?
- I… I don’t know – I said, still crying like a fountain; - the ambulance arrived, and I came here to warn you… I want to go to the hospital with you, though… I can’t believe he… he did that… - I said, not sobbing anymore, but tears still running through my eyes; by this time, some of my classmates were laughing at me, while others were horrified by what I’ve said; I couldn’t care less about them. – I… could we please go? – I asked Miss Pricolo, and she just got up, gathering her stuff, and walked out of the door, with me following her.
She explained at the entrance why we were leaving, not crying anymore [unlike me] and asked for a teacher to go check on her students; then, we went to her car, and she drove to the hospital.
- Why he said that to you? – She asked, a lot calmer now, although I could sense her worry in her voice.
- Oh… hum, I don’t want you mad at Frank or anything, ‘cause I’m not mad at him or anything like that, ‘kay? – I asked her, my tears finally dry, and my voice at a normal pace, again.
- Is it that bad? – She asked, never looking away from the road she was driving through, but still I felt much like she was seeing right through my face into my soul.
- He… just, we weren’t the best of the friends at school… he used to bully me and my brother, and… yeah, that’s pretty much that – I replied, biting my lower lip as I saw her fingers get a tighter grip on the steering wheel, her knuckles turning bright white.
- And why would he do that? You seemed so friendly, at home… - She replied, her tooth never moving; she was so damn angry.
- He… he was afraid; if it wasn’t him, the other kids would bully us too… He was looking after himself, I think – I replied, instantly knowing that was the right answer; he was looking over himself, trying to keep himself safe at such a dangerous place as high school.
High school was hell, especially for unique people, like me and Frank. If you attended high school, and were gay, you were most probably getting bullied; Frank dealt with it the way he found most safe. He bullied me and Mikey to show his “friends” that he wasn’t a faggot, or anything like that; he raped me, because he was frustrated, wanted to love someone, and that was the way he found out. Not the best way to find love, but, still, he ended up finding me, and I surely liked him; otherwise, why was I going to the hospital to see a guy who tried to kill himself in front of me?
Tears made their way through my face again as the scene I had just assisted earlier made its way back into my mind; the blood, the knife, what he said to me… I couldn’t contain myself; I lifted my legs so that my knees were leaning against my chest, and hide my face between them, crying and reminiscing about how that scene was so similar to my parent’s death; except, that my parents died at the hands of a mad man, they didn’t try to kill themselves.
Never in my life had I thought I’d have to see a suicide occur in front of me; except my own. Many times before, I had thought of killing myself; I couldn’t handle all the pain life was bringing me. I never tried to do it, though, ‘cause I always thought about Mikey and how he needed me; I could never be that selfish.
We reached the hospital and, as soon as Linda parked the car, we both jumped out of it, running into the hospital; she asked a nurse that was passing by if she knew where Frankie was, and the nurse looked at us really sadly. Staring at her defeated face, I couldn’t take it anymore; I already knew what she would say: the morgue. Frankie was dead, and it was my entire fault; because I confronted him, he had killed himself in an attempt to make it up to me, and he had succeeded. My eyes were brought to life as they became smaller versions of unending fountains; I started hyperventilating, and then, I fell to the floor, my strength running away from me.
I couldn’t handle any more deaths; I couldn’t handle Frankie’s death. Gosh, why couldn’t I have been able to just have Frank hurting me a little bit at school, and have him sweet and caring at home? I… I could’ve handled that; it was way better than not having him at all!
I think I fainted, while I was on the floor; I don’t know why, but I think I did, because all I can remember after that is waking up in an uncomfortable position, hearing an annoying ‘beep’ come from somewhere near me, and having someone crying next to me. Was I dead? Was I in coma? What the fuck had happened to me?
I opened my eyes, and was met with an awkward view; I was looking straight at a hospital bed, someone bended over it, making me unable to see who was lying there. I noticed I was kinda put into a hospital chair, and that annoying ‘beep’ was from a life-support machine; I quickly remembered the earlier events, and my eyes went wide; if me and Linda were here, and a life-support machine was up, did that mean Frank was still alive?
I got up a little faster than I should, making me feel a little dizzy, but I didn’t care; I walked slowly to the other side of Frank’s bed, noticing Linda was hugging him carefully, hiding his face from me, which didn’t allow me to see if he was awake or not; I simply assumed he wasn’t.
- Is he okay? He’ll survive, won’t he? – I asked, my voice a tone lower, due to the new born tears that made a trail through my cheeks; did I even have any tears left? Wow, impressing [note the sarcasm there, please].
Linda let go of his only son, and I saw he was awake and crying; he had a big bandage all around his neck, which made me bit my lip. He looked at me, and then looked at his mother, somehow managing to tell her silently to leave the two of us alone; I was so glad he was alive, I didn’t even care about anything else. As soon as Linda left, I couldn’t help myself; I threw myself on his arms, crying slightly onto his shoulder, being careful enough not to hurt him or messing up with the needles on his arms. Argh, needles! Have I ever told you needles scare the living shit out of me?
- It’s… it’s okay, Gerard – Frank managed to say, his voice a little raspy; I let go of him, and looked into his eyes, seeing the deep pain that he had inside of them.
- No, it’s not, Frankie… why would you do that? Why? – I asked him, although he had already told me that; I didn’t care, I didn’t think his answer was a honest one, before.
- I already told you – he said, biting his lower lip; I noticed, then, he wasn’t wearing his piercings. – I hurt you, therefore I deserve to be dead.
- No, Frank, I don’t think you should – I told him, grabbing one of his hands, tracing the designs of the tattoos on his knuckles with my fingers.
- You don’t? – He asked, looking widely at me; I sighed, and then shook my head. – Why?
- Frank… I’m pretty sure you only did that to look up for yourself; you knew that, if you were yourself, you’d get bullied, like I did – I replied, and he looked at our hands, ashamed, I supposed.
- Yeah… but that doesn’t justify me… raping you – he said, once again biting his lower lip; I could see from his actions he was fighting back tears, so, I held stronger on his hand.
- I think that you were only trying to find some kind of love; not the best way to do it, but you were trying to feel someone was there for you, whenever you needed – I said, looking over at the door, not daring to stare at his eyes. – You didn’t wanna be alone forever; you had to find a way, and you found the worst way to do it. You were too blind by your bully mask to see what you were doing wrong.
- How… how can you be here, holding my hand and be so calm about all this, when I used to hurt you so much? How? – He asked, and I looked at him, a small smile creeping through my lips, involuntarily.
- I forgave you; as long as that doesn’t happen again, I’m willing to forget about all that, and just be whatever you want me to be; a friend, a stranger, I’ll just forget about all that. And I know Mikey will do exactly the same; he considers you as his best friend, Frankie, because of the side we got to know of you at home – I confessed him, not even for one second looking away from his beautiful hazel eyes.
- Really? – He asked, hope shining on his eyes; I nodded, still smiling at him, and he smiled back. – I promise none of that will happen again, I… I’ll be who I am at home, I won’t be afraid anymore, I’ll just… - he said, but his smile faded as he remembered something. – But, you weren’t the only ones I hurt… That guy, Raymond and his boyfriend… I… - he was saying, but I put one finger on his lips, shushing him.
- I’ll talk to them; I’ll make them forget about it, too, don’t worry honey – I told him; then, a blush made its way to my cheeks as I realized what I had just called him.
- Thanks, Gee. Thanks – he said, smiling even though my finger hadn’t moved. – And about the thing of you being whatever I want you to be… - he said, and I looked at him, biting the inside of my cheek. – Well, what about… lovers?
My eyes were two big balls, as he said that word; he really wanted to be my… boyfriend, or something like that?
- But… but, only if you want to… I mean, I thought you liked me that way because you kissed me and… well… I feel that way about you and… never mind, forget about what I just said, just…
I shushed him again as my lips eagerly connected with his soft little piece of heaven, and I kissed him, sweetly. Our eyes were closed [at least, mine were], our lips moving in sync, and our hands still together; I moved my other hand to his face, caressing it gently, as his free hand made its way to my neck, getting a hold of some of my hair. After a few time, our lips separated, still, I leaned my forehead on his, not wanting to be away from him.
- Lovers sounds great, to me – I said, smiling and looking directly into his eyes.
- Well, then, I can proudly say I have a boyfriend, now, can’t I? – He asked, making me giggle a bit.
- Yeah, you can, baby – I replied, closing the gap between our lips once again.
It was then that I noticed the life-support machine going crazy with its ‘beeps’ when we kissed; it was like Frank was having a heart attack, or something! I smiled into the kiss, and, suddenly, one nurse got inside the room, her face full of concern; it was the same nurse who had told me and Linda where Frank was, earlier.
- Oh, um, I’m sorry if I interrupted something but… we had people complaining this machine was beeping too much, and I thought… never mind, I’ll leave you two alone – she said, as me and Frank looked at her; when she left, we burst out laughing, both of us unable to think of anything else other than her face when she caught us kissing; when we stopped, we just stared at each other’s eyes, smiling at each other as well. Then, there was a knock on the door, and Linda got inside the room; me and Frankie were still holding each other’s hand.
- Are you better, sweetheart? – She asked, going to sit next to Frank, on the side I wasn’t in.
- Yeah, mom, I’m fine; I need to as you one thing, though – Frank replied, and I cocked an eyebrow, not even I knowing what he was on about.
- Yes, honey? – Linda replied, while looking at him puzzled.
- When do I get outta here? I’m kinda tired of this hospital, you know… - Frank answered, and me and Linda laughed a bit; bet on Frank to be tired of a simple hospital after almost killing himself.
- In fact, the doctor is coming to see you in a bit, and he said that after that, you might get out – Linda replied; Frank smiled, and then his face turned serious as he remembered something.
- Mom, I need to introduce you to one person, by the way – Frank said, and I could feel his hand shake; what the fuck was on his mind?
- Yeah, honey, as soon as we get home – Linda replied, squeezing Frank’s other hand.
- No! – He said, nervous. – I wanna introduce you to him now! – Frank said, and his mother looked confused. – Mom, I want you to meet Gerard… - Frank said, and I looked at him, not understanding; didn’t he know his mother already knew me?
- Frankie, sweetheart… I already know him, remember? – His mom said, concern starting to fill her voice; Frank laughed nervously.
- Yeah, I know, mom, but I want you to meet him as… as my… boyfriend – Frank said, holding his breath after that; his mother looked at our linked hands as I bit my lower lip, and then she smiled.
- Oh, okay… I’m glad you worked things out – she said, and my eyes opened wide.
-What? – I asked, confused.
- After what you told me… well, I’m glad you solved your problems. And I’m glad you finally decided to come out to me, Frankie… it was getting hard to pretend I didn’t know you were gay, you know? – Linda replied, giggling softly.
- You knew? – Frank asked, totally surprised; almost as much as I was.
- Yeah, well, I always had that instinct… so, yeah, I knew – she said, laughing a little bit more; then, the doctor arrived.
After the doctor had finished checking up on Frank, we all went home; Mikey was feeling quite better, so, I told him everything that had happened, and he forced me to take him to Frank’s house, although it was right across the street. We ended up dining there, and we left just at time to go to bed and have a good night of sleep.
My last thought, once again, was about Frank.
How would things be at school, from now on?