Four Years

Rachel's POV

May 8th, 2009. Detroit, Michigan.

It's been over a week since I last spoke to Alex. We've both been avoiding each other like the plague. It's like we were diseased. We didn't want to go near each other. His stage presence rapidly decreased.

He went on stage drunk almost every night. He ended up forgetting a few chords, words, etc here and there. It was sad to see him like that.

But he brought it on himself. I kept telling myself that until I believed it. That belief only lasted about twenty minutes, then I had to tell myself again.

Pete never acted on his threat to hurt Alex. Neither did Brendon or Jess. All they did was ignore each other. Alex pretty much became an outcast. No one would really talk to him. That just made him drink more. Like I said, it was sad to see him like that.

I was currently standing sidestage, watching Hey Monday play. Brendon stood behind me, just in case Alex did pop out of nowhere. That's another thing. Brendon has been super protective lately. Same with Pete. But Brendon mostly.

He'd follow me everywhere and anywhere I went, unless I was with Pete or...or pretty much anyone not in All Time Low. I was getting so annoyed so quickly.

Patrick came over and smiled softly at me, "Uh, hey, can we go talk for a second?"

I looked back at Brendon and he stepped back, letting me walk off backstage with Trick. He led me back to one of the dressing rooms. It was empty. Dressing rooms were hardly ever empty. Where was everyone?

He shut the door behind him and sighed, "Tomorrow is the Chicago date."

"Yes, I'm well aware of what city we're in for three days," I giggled, taking a seat on the couch.

He rolled his eyes and took a seat next to me, "It's our hometown and it's where I met Jess. I - "

"I'm also well aware of these things, Trick," I said, seriously confused as to why he was informing me of these things.

"Would you let me finish? Don't talk until I tell you to," He laughed, shoving me back slightly. "Now, I met Jess in Chicago in a little record store. I was planning on going there with her, and you guys...and...and I was planning on proposing to her."

I gasped and grabbed a hold of Trick's shoulders. I began shaking him violently. I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure if I could speak, since he said don't talk until he said so and all...

"Stop, stop, stop!" He yelled, swatting my hands away from him. "God, you and Pete both..."

I grinned and stared at him, waiting for him to tell me to speak.

He gave me a look, like a mix between why are you staring? and what do you think about proposing?. I just kept staring and smiling.

"Aren't you gonna say something?" He asked, still giving me the look. But this time he was slightly smiling.

I took a deep breath in, then began, "Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my fucking God! No way! Shit, fucking fuck...shit! Patrick, I - wait, Pete and I both?"

He chuckled, "Yeah, you and Pete both grabbed me. So, do you think Jess will say yes?"

"Of fucking course she will!" I smiled. I felt like my face was about to break, I had the biggest smile ever on. "Eeeeep, my big brother is gonna propose! You're gonna get married!"

"I know. I'm so nervous," He said, the nervousness showing just a tiny bit. He was twirling his thumbs together, and he was tapping his foot against the floor quickly. "God, I hope she says yes."

"I'm appalled that you would dare think that Jess would say no to you," I said, rolling my eyes. I grabbed his leg and held it down. "Fucking stop. That's getting annoying."

"Sorry," He laughed, starting to drum on his lap. You're kidding me. "Wanna see the ring? Pete and I went out yesterday."

"That's where you two went..." I muttered, watching as he pulled the tiny box out of his pocket. It made me think. Him and Pete went out to get this ring. I wonder if going with Patrick made him think about marrying me. I fucking hoped so. Maybe.

Yeah, marriage wouldn't be the best thing for me right now. With everything that's been happening with Alex and Jack in these past few weeks...no. Not gonna happen.

He opened the little box and I gasped. The ring was huge. There were...those were three diamonds! Holy shit.

"How expensive?" I breathed out, staring in awe at the magnificent ring. Holy fuck, I wish I was Jess. She was gonna die.

"About three grand," He replied sheepishly, closing the box and stuffing it back in his pocket.

"Three...three grand as in...three thou-thous-thousand dollars?" I choked out, staring at him with wide eyes. "Holy motherfucking shit. On an engagement ring, Trick?"

"Only the best for Jess?" He said, sounding like he questioned himself.

I laughed and rolled my eyes, bringing him in for a hug. I squeezed him tightly, whispering, "You're gonna be a great husband, Patrick. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks," He smiled, pulling away. He got up and walked to the door. "Now, I gotta go hide this somewhere she won't find it."

"Yeah, I'd offer to hold it for a day, but...I think I'd either lose it, or end up showing Jess," I laughed, following him out of the dressing room. "Hey, shouldn't you be getting dressed?"

"I should, but that comes after hiding this ring," He said, patting his pocket. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Mmmmmmkay," I said, watching as he went outside. And with that, I was alone. Ahh, silence. No one around. No one following me like a lost puppy.

I decided to make the most of this alone time. I pulled my iPod out of my back pocket and put one earbud in my ear, leaving my other ear free just in case someone called me or something. I scrolled down the artists, looking for someone to listen to. Ahh, Say Anything. Great band.

I hit shuffle. Sorry, Dudes. My Bad came on shuffle first. Really? This would happen.

I shrugged and wandered around, listening to the wonderful sound of Max Bemis' voice.

"I want to be back in the van, where evil never would nor could nor should ever understand. Back in the van, it's anything, but their outrageous grandstand," I sang softly along with Max.

I nodded my head along to the beat. I laughed at Coby and Alex's part of the song.

"'Cause if you want it, then come and get it. We're all with you now, we're all with you now - "

"'Cause if you think it, then you can make it. We're all with you now, we're all with you," I heard someone finish softly behind me.

I turned around and saw Alex standing about ten-ish feet away from me. I looked down and thought about what I should do. I could either run away from him, or stand and face him.

I looked back up at him, Sorry, Dudes. My Bad still playing.

"Forever yours I am, like the ocean to the sand. Forever in debt to my band, like I'm in the palm or your hand. Forever wondering why, like a skeptic to the sky. Forever yours and yours and yours and yours, I am. Goodbye," Alex sang perfectly along with the song. What the hell? Could he hear it? Or was he just that good?

"Alex..." I began, taking a step towards him. He took a step back. "Do you want to talk or not?"

"What is there to talk about?" He said, shrugging. "What the hell is there to talk about? What the fuck is there to talk about? You ripped my heart out and didn't even fucking care. There's nothing to talk about."

"Alex, please stop," I whispered, taking another step towards him. The song started over. It was on repeat. This. Would. Fucking. Happen.

"Why? You don't like hearing about how you killed me? This is your fault," He growled, motioning to himself. He looked like an absolute mess. His hair was messy, his eyes were bloodshot, and he had a little scruff going on. His flannel shirt hung open, showing his white v-neck tee underneath, which was loosely clinging to his frame. His black skinny jeans had two holes - one on each knee. He didn't buy those jeans like that...

"I'm so sorry, Alex. It's just...I don't even know. You really messed with my head with that kiss. I just didn't know how to react. I really regret it now, Lex. I do..." I said quietly, looking down as I felt a couple tears slip out. Fuck. I wiped them away quickly. "Can you forgive me?"

Silence. Silence was never a good thing.

I looked back up and Alex was walking towards me. I stared at him through blurry eyes, wondering what he was gonna do next. Hopefully, he was gonna give me a hug and we'd be on our way, friends again. But, of course, that wasn't gonna happen. This wasn't some Disney movie. I wasn't gonna get a Disney friendship moment out of this.

He was getting really close now. I backed up and hit a wall. Dammit. I watched him carefully. His face and body - just his entire self - were dangerously close to mine. I looked down, feeling more tears start to come.

He hooked his index finger under my chin and pulled my face up to his level. I felt his hot breath on my lips before he leaned down and planted a soft kiss on them. What the fuck. I looked him straight in the eyes when he pulled away. He wasn't the same Alex.

"I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling in to bed with me," Alex said, quoting Pete, my boyfriend. He was biting his lip. He was still so dangerously close. He wasn't Alex.

Before I could stutter something out, he leaned in and kissed me again. He pulled away and grabbed my hand, leading me - I'm assuming - to his bus.

I walked on to his bus, shaking so badly. I hated myself for even letting him kiss me like that in the hallway.

I finally pulled the earbud out of my ear and pulled my iPod out of my pocket. I paused the song and set the iPod down on to the table, watching Alex carefully. He locked the bus door and closed the curtains.

He then walked over to me and cupped my face in his rough hands, kissing me roughly. His hands traveled down from my face to my waist. He slipped them under my shirt.

I couldn't believe I was letting myself allow this to happen. I wanted my friendship with Alex back. I wanted the old Alex back. And if this was the way to get him back -

Who was I kidding? In the back of my mind, I knew I wanted this. I knew a little, itty bitty part of me wanted this so badly. I just gave in and let him have his way.