Just Come Running

“Drew? Drew, are you even listening to me?”

I snapped out of my thoughts, seeing Beth waving her hands in front of my face with an irritated expression. No, I wasn’t listening. I was too lost in my own thoughts. Thoughts about Sean and Tyler. It’s been three days since I’ve been back, and I still haven’t made a decision.

“No, I wasn’t. Sorry,” I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

Beth’s annoyance immediately turned to pity. Great.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly.

I sighed. “No, not really,” I replied, shaking my head.

“You want to talk about it?” Beth offered.

“No, not really,” I repeated with a weak smile.

Beth sighed but nodded.

“Okay, if you’re sure. You know where I am if you change your mind,” she said warmly.

I nodded my thanks, and she kissed my cheek before walking down to her bedroom. I groaned and rested my head on the kitchen table, wishing all the crap would just get out of my life. Why can’t things be simple? Tyler and I have talked every day since we got back from Mammoth Mountain, relaxing me in a familiarity that I’d forgotten we had. But this has only strained things between me and Sean. Well, on my end anyway, Sean hasn’t even noticed.

Well, he’s noticed that I’ve been quiet, but he thinks it’s down to stress from work. I haven’t had the heart to correct him. I didn’t see him yesterday because he’s got his final year art project to work on, but we did talk on the phone. Sean’s such a sweetheart, really. That’s what makes all of this harder. I know that if I broke up with him, he’d be crushed. I honestly don’t know how he’d cope. I’m not even being arrogant about me being so important to him – he really does rely on me. He doesn’t really have any friends, so with me and my flatmates out of his life, he’d have no-one but his cat. And that hurts me, y’know? I care about him, I really do, so to see him hurt like that would hurt me too.

I just don’t know what to do. I love Tyler more than I’ll ever love Sean, but there’s an element of ease with Sean that I know I’ll never have with Tyler. Tyler and I will always argue, will always have our differences because we’re both so stubborn and so set in our own ways – Sean just goes with the flow. I don’t know whether that’s to do with his arty sense of mind, but he does just make life easier.

But is that enough to stay with him? A peaceful happy life over a passionate love? I don’t know. I really don’t know. What I do know is that I can’t delay my decision much longer. I’ll hurt myself as well as the two of them if I keep dragging this out.

With a sigh I made myself a cup of tea before dialling Sean’s number. Maybe spending some time with him tonight will take my mind out of this funk. He picked up on the fourth ring.

Sean: Hey Drew…what’s up?
Andrew: Nothing. I just wanted to hear your voice.
Sean: Aww that’s so sweet!

I smiled, a little of my bad mood lifting.

Andrew: I try! Are you free tonight?
Sean: I think so…did you want to hang out?
Andrew: I wanted to take you out, actually.
Sean: Really? Like a date?
Andrew: Yeah, like a date. We’ve been on dates before, y’know.
Sean: Yeah, I know. Just not since Spring Break.

I winced. There’s a reason for that.

Andrew: I know, I’m sorry. How about dinner? At Luigi’s?
Sean: Sweet! I love that place. Should I dress up fancy?
Andrew: When I’ll just be taking it all off you at the end of the night anyway?

Sean squeaked, letting me know he was blushing. He’s just to easy sometimes.

Andrew: I’m joking. Wear what you want, you’ll look cute in whatever you wear.
Sean: Th-Thanks. Is 7 o’clock okay?
Andrew: 7 is perfect. I’ll see you later, alright?
Sean: Great! Bye!

I ended the call with a sigh. I need to make a decision. And fast.