I Want to Love and Back

John’s Point of View

I can feel the sun glaring at me through my closed eyes. I sighed as I realized I should probably get up.
I got up from my bunk and of course, I had to hit my head as I did damn it.

“Fuck.” I muttered as I rubbed my forehead. I walked to the ‘social room’ where everyone hangs out and the first look I got was a look of disgust and anger and you guessed it right. It was from Cameron Hurley’s pair of hazel brown eyes. Yup, he’s probably still pissed of what I did to Sydney. I would be pissed at me too. I sighed, running my hands through my hair in shame.

“G’morning, John.” Erin smiled with Kenny’s arm around her. Kenny has this thing for Erin. I don’t know about them that much but I remember Kenny telling me that he ‘thinks’ he’s in love with E. Love? What is love? Is that edible? I lost the definition of love ever since that bitch Katie cheated on me after two years of a ‘’successful’’ relationship. I nodded to Erin as a reply.

“Sleep well, O’Callaghan?” Cameron asked with a smirk, Erin around his arms. If I wasn’t a guy who hates the guts of Justin Bieber I would start singing “That Should Be Me” on the spot.

“You can say that.” I chuckled and sat down in between of Garrett and Tay.

“We were just talking about how we’re going to spend our day off.” Gar stated.

“I was thinking of getting wasted but you know…” Peter joked and everyone laughed.

“Maybe we could go to the carnival?” Sydney asked hopefully. Ahh, Sydney. Her bright red hair looked so magnificent with the sunlight seeping through the windows. Her eyes just never stops sparkling and don’t get me started on her smile. Her smile is the best I’ve ever seen and you can’t help but to smile with her when she does. Yes, I may be in love with Sydney Collins but no. I lost the chance and blew it. I was too much of a sick bastard who was afraid of commitment and now I’m lost. I’m lost in her every move, in the way she talks to me with such genuine words even though I piss her off most of the time. I can’t go on a day without stopping to glance at her or without thinking about her. She’s different.

“It’s alright with me.” I smiled.

“Yeah, let’s go to the carnival.” Cameron looked down at her and she smiled. I can’t see her like this. I don’t want her with Cam. No, it’s not because I want her for myself but he doesn’t love her. And I can see right through him. He’s trying to make himself love her because he thinks he’s healthy for her and it’ll make Syd happy. I know it’s crazy but it’s crystal clear to me. I can’t see her get hurt by someone she loves so much. I know she would give everything up for Cameron and if he ever takes advantage of that, I’m sure he’ll be eating my fist.

I would “warn” Syd about Cam but I would just come off as selfish and manipulative to her. I just got her back and I don’t want to ruin that. It’s my only hope for ‘us’.

“So, what are we having for lunch?” I asked.

“We’re stopping at Burger King to get food and we’ll head to Texas.” Mike replied.

“Oh. Alrighty then . I’ll just head to my bunk first.” I said as I got up to walk away from the room and headed towards my bunk. I sat down on my bunk and I saw Cameron behind me. He sat down beside me. This is getting awkward uh.

“Can I help you, Hurley?” I asked, eyebrows raised in confusion.

“Actually you can.” He smiled. Wait, I thought he was mad at me or someshit?

“With…?”

“Sydney.”

“Oh, Sydney.”

“Yeah. I heard you guys are alright after that—uh thing in the bar.”

“Uh y-yeah. She forgave me…” I grimaced. Wow, this is really awkward. I glanced at the window and thought about jumping out. I smiled at the thought. “Look man, I understand what you’re about to say. I won’t do it again, okay? You must hate my guts right now but I care for her. And I’m not trying to win her over, I just want us to be friends at least.” I said and ran my fingers through my hair.

“I really hope you won’t, John. I care for her too and I don’t believe you about the being friends part but I appreciate your respect for our relationship. And I don’t hate your guts. I just got carried away, that’s all.” He chuckled.

“I hate myself so much right now. I could’ve done the right thing, you know? And not hurt her. I regret the shit I did so much, you don’t even know.” I sighed in frustration. Cam looked at me with sympathy and patted my back.

“Things happen, John. And I’m sure you had your reasons.” He smiled.

“Thanks, dude.” I playfully punched him. Sydney walked in and we looked up at her.

“Cameron, please don’t tell me you’re cheating on me with John.” She playfully whined.

“I’m sorry but it’s over. I love John and there’s nothing else you can do.” Cam put his arms around me.

“You can go now and leave us, Syd. Cam and I have a lot of things to do in my bunk.” I winked as Cam giggled like a girl.

“Ooh sexy.” He giggled mockingly. I had no choice but to laugh. I thought I was going to die of laughter!

“God, you two are gross. We’re about to stop, go get your things, Hurley.” Syd rolled her eyes.
Cam released me and said “Yes ma’am.” Then walked out.

“You two are getting along, I see.” Syd smiled as she crossed her arms, leaning on the edge of my bunk.

“You should be proud of me.” I smirked.

“I am.” She replied softly and smiled. And as I said before, you can’t help but smile with her so that’s what I did.