I Want to Love and Back

John and I were sitting across from each other in the bus, patiently waiting for the others while catching up on each other’s lives. We already dried up from the wetness the rain brought us and we were having a snack.
“So…uh how are you and Cameron?? Everything okay?” He asked, looking at the floor.

“Well, yeah I guess. I mean, he sort of uh told me he loved me the other day.” I chuckled. I watched his eyes narrow as he drank his can of Mountain Dew.

“W-wow. That’s great, I guess…” He muttered.

“Yeah.”

“You know, Garrett has been filling me in with information about you.” He laughed quietly.

“What do you mean? oh my God.”

“Uh I don’t know, I was just curious you know. It kills me not knowing how you are and shit.” He
embarrassingly said. I laughed nervously.

“Why would you do that?” I chuckled some more.

“I was just…w-worried, I guess” he sighed in frustration.

“Thanks? I’m flattered.” I laughed and he gave me an incredulous look.

“Why do you always laugh?! God, you’re really weird.”

“Get used to it, O’Callaghan.” I rolled my eyes at him.
~
We were at the venue and ever since Cameron arrived he gave me a nod to acknowledge me then ignored me for the rest of the gig.

John asked me if anything was wrong and I answered him honestly with an “I don’t know” and a shrug. Cam was giving me these weird looks as if he doesn’t understand me or as if I did something really wrong. I mean, we were okay before he left, right? I sighed.

WATIC was up first and I could hear the crowd screaming their hearts out. This was what’s amazing about our ‘job’. The fans. It’s just good to know that some people are actually willing to support you and your band. Nothing is as sweet as hearing your fans sing your songs right back at you. It’s just wonderful. We do it for the fans, not for money or fame or sex from all those groupies.

I watched WATIC from the back of the audience and my eyes were glued at Cam as they played their songs. Cam would glance at me now and then but he just gave me a blank stare. I wonder what’s wrong.

We came up next and we saw some familiar faces in the audience who went to our past shows, I smiled as I adjusted my mic stand and guitar. This is my passion, performing music for others to hear. We played our first song “Twisted Dreams” and it was inspired by Cam when we were struggling to keep our friendship 'not awkward'.

Have you ever noticed how I look at you?
Have you ever noticed how my heart beats when you’re around?
I couldn’t believe you never knew,
That these twisted dreams that haunt me with color and sound?
What if we just let the world be?
Full of war and peace
What if it’s just you and me?
Can’t you notice that, at least?

~
“You guys have been great! We hope to see you soon, oklahoma! Give it up for the fanciest faggots we ever met, The Maine!!!” The crowd screamed as loud as they can as Erin introduced the guys. We exited the stage while the lights dimmed as the guys got ready.

“Have fun out there.” I murmured and patted their backs.

“Thanks, Syd!!” Pat exclaimed and gave me a hug. I chuckeld, Pat and his random hugs.
I was silently watching The Maine’s set when I saw Tay walk by. I caught up with her.

“Have you seen Cameron?” I asked.

“I think he’s outside.” she smiled.

“Oh, is he mad at me or something?” I asked and rubbed my forehead in frustration.

“I don’t know, Syd. He didn’t tell me anything though” she replied.

“Oh..” I sighed.

“You guys got into a fight?” She asked.

“I don’t know, we were fine awhile ago.”

“Well, whatever it is you guys are shitting about, I hope you solve it.” she smiled and gave me a hug.

“Thanks, Tay. I needed that hug.”

“Well, I do give great hugs. My kisses aren’t that bad as well. Ask Peter.” She winked.

“Oh my God, Tay. Go away.” I chuckled.

“Hey, that rhymed. Good job, Sydney! You get free nothing!” She exclaimed sarcastically. I laughed and shook my head.

“Wait, what’s happened to you and Peter anyway?”

“It’s a long story haha. Go look for that moody bitch first.” I knew she meant Cam. I chuckled and walked my way out of the venue. I stopped as the cold breeze touched my skin, making me shiver a bit. Cam was leaning his back on the bus. I walked towards him. His hands were inside the pockets of his jacket and his eyes were closed while his head was slightly tilted back, as if he was feeling the stars’ light shine down on his face. I coughed nervously. He opened his eyes and his soft expression turned into an annoyed one.

“What are you doing here??” He asked, scowling.

“I came to find you.” I replied, trying my best not to show how irritated I am by his attitude.

“I didn’t need to be found” he muttered, looking away.

“What’s your problem, huh?” I asked, angrily now.

“What do you mean?” He asked, shaking his head in disgust.

“What’s wrong with you?! Why are you acting so moody? You haven’t talked to me the whole night, you keep on giving me these weird looks and now you won’t tell me what’s wrong!!” I almost yelled. I crossed my arms, waiting for his answer. He closed his eyes and sighed. “It’s not you. Or at least the Cameron I know isn’t like that.” I added, more calmly.

“Look. I’m sorry okay? I just— I’m just having a hard time processing this John thing. You forgave him?” He replied, expression softening.

“Yeah. Why? Was it wrong to?” I asked, leaning on the bus like he was.

“Well, he hurt you, Syd. He hurt you bad.” He said, looking into my eyes. God, he’s breathtaking.

“If you were him, wouldn’t you want to be forgiven too?” I asked, brushing some of his hair off his eyes.

“Yeah. But that’s different.” He sighed.

“How??” I laughed. He stayed silent, looking at the stars.

“Look, Cam. I know, you witnessed how he hurt me. But I’m over it, okay? I have you. And I can handle it. I'm a strong girl.” I chuckled. He stared into my eyes and touched my cheek.

“Oh, really now? I don't remember you defending yourself against that toddler we encountered who kept on slapping you." he chuckled and added "I’m just trying to protect you, baby. I don’t want anyone hurting you. I love you, okay?” He smiled and gave me a kiss.

“I love you too.” I murmured into the kiss.

He doesn’t want anyone hurting me, but he’s not aware that nobody can hurt me as bad as he might.