Diary of a Disordered

I'm so tired and my stomach is starting hurt, but it feels good in a way. I don't want to eat lunch though, after eating those three bowls of cereal this morning. I've gotten so off track. My weight is like 100 now, but I've been lazy. I haven't worked out in a week and i've eaten way too much. Yet right now I'm craving cheesesticks. My fat girl logic is, I already fit into 00 jeans, so why skip when I can't get pants smaller, but then I feel fat for eating. Stupid fighting in my head.
I feel like I'm not a person, just a shadow. I just try to please everyone else, and when I do anything for me it upsets others, yet I can't stop. I'm so cold and numb, I can't feel anything or make decisions about anything. I'm just blank, empty feeling.