Dressed up in Faded Costumes

It was blurry what happened after Matt had told me that I was stubborn. All I remember was that he did end up paying our debts, with my mom and me as grateful as somebody winning the lottery. We started new. I told her a lie that I had actually won something from an online contest. It would be years after she would actually know the truth about it. I wouldn’t know how to explain to my mother that a friend of mine, let alone a teenager had paid it all.
It was the fifth of November, 5pm. My birthday. Maria, Leila, Matt, Garrett, and even Eliza were there to celebrate with me, my mom and Lea. Uncle Richard, whether he was there or partying in LA using my mother’s money, I didn’t care. I haven’t forgiven him.
I understood that Liam couldn’t really make it, since he was away in college and so was my brother. It was nothing big for a sixteenth birthday, and my mom had cooked her famous Baked Macaroni for all of us. I didn’t want the whole shindig. I wouldn’t want all the fuss over me.
“Elle!” Leila said running towards me with a phone in her hand. “It’s Liam!”
I smiled and got the phone Leila was handing over. “Hello,” I said; my cheeks probably turning red as the party continued.
“Happy birthday, love.”
“Oh,” I blushed even more as I walked outside and sat on the sidewalk. “You called me ‘love’.”
I heard him chuckle.
“Thank you,” I said. My eyes brimmed with tears because what he said had actually made me believe that my first boyfriend loved me.
“I’m sorry I can’t be there with you… and everyone else.”
“It’s alright,” I said smiling and secretly wiping my eyes. “I understand that you can’t just leave campus.”
“Again, I am sorry,” he said. “You’re sixteen now! Why didn’t you have a big party, or something you girls plan?”
“I’m not the kind,” I said. “Besides, mom would have to spend more money for a big party; didn’t want her to do all the fuss anymore…”
“Maybe when you’re 18, then?”
“Maybe.”
“Okay; I would want to dance with you in front of everybody, again.”
“I’d want that too,” I said as I smiled, probably blushing, too.
“Oh, and by the way, I’ll be giving you your gift the second I get a chance to do it personally. It’s been waiting quite a while in my room—“
I suddenly turned quiet as I thought of ways of getting it from his room; and then he continued.
“—and don’t get silly ideas that you can get Leila to sneak up on it. I’ve already warned her.”
I laughed. “Okay, I won’t even try.”
“Well, I’ll call later tonight, again; I have to go.”
“Okay, okay,” I said, already happy and pleased that he had called. “Go on.”
“Talk to you later, Elle,” he said.
“Bye, Liam,” I smiled through my voice and he hung up.
I walked back inside the house, only Leila noticing that I had come in through the front door. I walked to her and handed her phone over. I blushed as her smile meant more than it silently showed. It was teasingly cute.
“Michelle!” mom called from the kitchen.
I walked over to her and I leaned on the island as she started to tell me about what I thought was an errand I needed to do, at first.
“You very much know, honey, that I don’t have the kind of money to give something extravagant like some horse or stallion aristocrats give aw…”
“Oh, mom,” I cut her off. “It’s okay. I wasn’t even expecting that I get anything today; this small gathering is enough. I’m happy with this!” I smiled at her and I overlooked at my guests enjoying the Wii over in the living room.
She smiled at me. “I want to give you this,” she said as she handed over a small box with a key inside it. “It’s not new, and it’s not your own, but the family car is now available to you whenever you need it. This is your key.”
I was overwhelmed by a moment wealthy people would take for granted. It was enough for me that I had friends that could come over at my house for my birthday; and probably far too much that I got my own copy of the family car’s key. I gave my mother a big hug that almost made us fall.
“I love you, mom,” I whispered into her ear. “Thank you.”
“Oh, I love you too, dear.”
As the party seemed to die out at about 10pm, my friends left with overstuffed stomach because of my mom’s cooking inside a crowded car that Garrett drove. As I entered back the house after I waved goodbye as they left, I smiled at the day that was passing quickly. The moment it would turn 12 midnight, my birthday would be over.
And so I took a quick shower and I had put on nice loose sweatpants and a tank top and sat on my bed with the laptop on the sheets. It had been a while since I opened my Facebook unlike others who are online 24/7.
I was having my one-day-fame on Facebook where internet friends greet me a ‘Happy Birthday’ on my wall or via my inbox. I liked every single wall post and replied to every message some people sent.
Aside from the greetings people have given me, I was flooded with friend requests from hundreds of people I didn’t know. I accepted each and everyone and it took me about an hour and found out in the process that they had added me because I was the girl who this certain guy posted on YouTube singing ‘Hear You Me’. It felt shockingly weird and amazing that there were people out there who actually liked the video.
I was smiling the entire time like an idiot while I was on Facebook and checked the video again on YouTube only to find that the number of views on the video had increased by the thousands.
This time when I had watched the video, criticizing myself the whole time, I noticed that other videos were connected to it—those videos being showed on the side with the same search tags. I checked what the videos were all about and found out that they were cellphone-shot videos from Lisa’s Sweet Sixteen; almost all videos had the same amount of views, probably the same people were viewing it.
While checking the videos, I was forced to look for my ringing phone under the sheets. I was expecting Liam to be calling. I rolled across my bed searching my bed everywhere, making me remember the time I fell on the floor, flat on my back laughing while talking to him.
“Hey,” I said panting as I relaxed my back on the soft bed.
“How was the party?” It wasn’t Liam, but Chris; my brother who was in UCLA just the same as Liam.
“Chris? HEY!!!” I practically shouted. “How are yooouuu?”
“I’m fine. Happy birthday!” he said.
“Thanks, Chris,” I said, still smiling.
We continued to talk and I kept asking him if he was really doing alright, if he caught the flu, or if ever something awful happened. He kept lying, responding with a ‘no’ instead of admitting what had happened between his girlfriend and him acting, as if it had never taken place.
We ended the conversation minutes later and I felt worried that he ‘said’ he was doing fine.
A few seconds later, Liam was calling. I answered my phone again and smiled. I forgot about my worry about Chris, and convinced myself that he was 20, already. He was a grown up already.
“I’ve been missing you,” he said with a voice that was just hypnotic.
“Me too,” I replied with a genuine beam.
Through talking on the phone with him, he made me feel special; wanted. It made me want to believe that everything was going perfectly. That was how he was every time I talked to him. And I liked it…
The next day, I woke up a bit late and went charging towards the gifts I hadn’t opened the day before.
Leila had given me rubber bracelets which had various Harry Potter quotes and spells on them. Matt had given me top-of-the-line guitar strings, 2 packs, and gave me my new supply of all the stuff that would help maintain the good condition of the Gibson Guitar he gave me last Christmas. Garrett, being the millionaire that he is even without the help and money of his parents, gave me a new Mac Book Air. I wasn’t sure whether I would actually use it right away, or keep it in display until my other laptop actually breaks. Eliza’s gift was a dress from Dash. Maybe it was an attempt to get me wearing dresses more often.
Maria’s gift was something simple, yet something I know I would keep for the rest of my life. It was a deluminator… JOKING. No, she gave me a mood ring; a special one. It had my initials carved on the inside, H.M.M., and the words, ‘the kid from yesterday’.
Yes; she was right. And in a weird and bizarre way, it made me smile. We were turning into adults. We were about to graduate High School in just a few more months. We would be taking different paths from then on. Maybe my smile was a cover-up; a mask. I didn’t want to grow up—at least not for a few more years when everything had sunk in. But, no.
Life was clever in that way. You can almost never soak in the moment enough. It would just keep on going. No pause, no rest.
Weeks after my birthday, Christmas and New Year, passing yet again without a hitch and Liam calling almost everyday, nothing unusual happened.
It was already February and almost all of our application forms to different universities and colleges had been sent. There was a slightly weird gust of wind blowing against my roughly tied up hair one day at school. I was standing in front of my locker with Leila and Maria who were talking about Garrett. Leila was falling for him, and she didn’t know whether he was feeling the same. He was practically nine years older than her. I for one actually knew from even then that Garrett had a thing for Leila, but didn’t want to give in an answer that was a hypothesis at the time.
I felt that something weird was going to happen.
“What’s wrong?” Maria asked as she shook my shoulders.
I didn’t realize that I was staring at the insides of my locker for quite some time while I was thinking. I looked at Maria and snapped back into reality.
“Huh? Oh, sorry. I spaced out.”
“Oh, Uhm… Wanna go now?” she asked as she gave me a smile. “We’re kinda running late.”
“You can go ahead,” I said with an apologetic tone. “I have something I need to check; sorry.”
“You want us to come with you?” Leila asked. “I don’t mind skipping French. Ms. Isabeau has told me that I’d pass the tests no matter what, anyway.”
Maria smiled and teasingly pushed Leila. “Don’t rub it our faces that you have straight A’s. Especially in French!”
She just laughed quietly as she pushed Maria back playfully. I told them to go on as I just had the weirdest gut feeling ever. I walked back and forth along the school’s corridors seeing different faces I see everyday pass by. I kept walking with a blank face without even noticing that I had already skipped a class my teacher would never have checked attendance in. I sat on the field, alone, overlooking the corridors. I rested my back on a tree and felt that place very comfortable with the shade and a view of the bustling students.
I took a notebook and a pen from my backpack so as not to look suspicious or weird. I started doodling around and suddenly, a hand rested on my shoulder which made me a bit annoyed and startled.
“Doormat, you have got to stop doing that!” I said loudly; even slightly mad out of my weird mood.
I looked up to look at who I thought was Matt, and was surprised to see that it wasn’t him. My mouth hung open and my eyes started to fill with sparkle.
“Doormat?” Liam asked as he sat beside me.
I gave him a huge hug that almost made us tumble across the grass. I smiled at him as I let go and didn’t even seem to care that another class would be coming up again.
“W-what’re you doing here?” I said so happily. “It’s not that I’m not happy, but – it’s just – you’re – I’ve missed you,” I whispered.
“I’ve missed you, too,” he said as he held my head and gave it a kiss.
“How are you?” I asked as I smiled at him. I felt safe knowing he was just there; secured even though I knew he probably would leave again.
He didn’t respond with words instead he looked at me with a troubled smile and a brush with his hand through his hair. And then he looked at me. I could tell he was nervous about something and my smile reversed.
“I’m good,” his lie was highly obvious.
“What is it you’re not telling me?” I asked.
“It’s not that I don’t like college,” he said. “And it’s not that I’m failing and…”
“Are you quitting college?” I asked him directly without any hesitation with my voice barely audible.
“Yes,” he replied as he looked away.
And rage started to overcome me; I didn’t know why. Every thought came to my head. I was mad at him.
“Why would you want to leave college? Why would you want to waste what you parents have already paid for?” I asked somewhat shouting at him now. “It’s not that I’m against it, it’s just, you of all people; I know you would understand why I wouldn’t like wasting money.” I was highly affected; maybe even more than I should’ve been.
“It’s not that I’m not up to everything college holds, but I want to do more than just go to school, graduate, get a job, have a family and die! I want to live my short life!” with the same tone I gave him.
He knelt in front of me, grabbed my shoulders and looked straight at me; the people, who didn’t seem to give a damn, were nothing more than a mere blur.
“Look at me,” he said. “It’s not about anything but our lives. I don’t want to be trapped in a practical, ordinary world where what I do would be something expected.”
A tear trailed down my cheek, and the words ‘it’s not about anything but OUR lives’ repeated in my head.
“I want to do what I want,” he said. “I’m sorry if ever I hurt you this way; I never meant to. I wouldn’t want to.”
I couldn’t speak; I didn’t know what to tell him.
“I love you,” he whispered as he hugged me while both of us were kneeling down.
“I—“ I cried on his shoulder and scrunched my eyes close. I was convinced that he loved me. I was sure. “I love you.”
It was the first time I had told him that I loved him; even though I was sure that there was something beforehand.
In the end, it really made sense to me what he said. I understood his yearn to be different. It was the same feeling I’ve always had since whenever. He was quitting college, and winning his life back at the same time. Both of us were winning new lives. We were starting new, and starting good.