Sarah Smiles

This was beyond awkward. Brendon quickly scrambled off of me and I pushed my aching body upwards. I couldn’t even look at Spencer’s face; my head was bowed down hiding the redness of my cheeks. I threw my face into the palms of my hands. The room was silent.

“Well, I was not expecting to see that.” Spencer mumbled adding a small chuckle trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t. I could feel his eyes still gaping at me and Brendon.

I pulled myself from the floor.

“I’m just going to go use the bathroom.” I sent Spencer a phony grin and swiftly departed the room. I let out a sigh once I was out of Spencer and Brendon’s sight, thankful that I had found a way to leave the room.

After I had spent long enough in the bathroom, I trailed towards Spencer’s bedroom. I suddenly paused when I heard the two of them conversing. I stood with my back pressed against the wall besides the door.

“Look Spence, it meant nothing.”

“Well you looked like you were pretty into it.” Spencer’s voice sounded.

“What are you talking about? It’s Sarah! I wouldn’t kiss her, that’s so weird. She kissed me.”
Spencer was about to speak but Brendon’s angry voice had cut him off.

“Just leave it. I told you it was an empty and dead kiss. It meant nothing. I have a girlfriend who I love. I wouldn’t ever consider cheating on her with Sarah. Sarah is my friend and that’s all she will ever be.”

The conversation blurred into the background and the thumping sound of my heard was drumming in my ears. My stomach dropped and I begun quietly gasping for breath. It felt like my whole world had shattered and once again…I felt my heart break. My whole body was shaking and I curled into a ball silently crying into my hands.

His words raced through my mind. It meant nothing to him. I was sure I could feel the instant connection between us when our lips touched. But no, to him it was dead. My stomach churned making me feel sick. I felt like such a fool for ever having hope in him. I was only ever going to be considered a friend. Even he knew I wasn’t good enough for him. I slowly pushed my quivering body off the floor and little by little tip toed down the stairs towards the front door. I gradually turned the door knob and slipped out through the door attempting to shut it as quietly as possible. I needed to get away from him. He was slowly destroying me without even realising it. If I stayed by him for any longer, I’m sure I would break.

Tears streamed down my face, and uncontrollable sobs escaped my lips. As I got into my car I pulled out my phone and called the first person I could think of.

Brendon’s P.O.V

Spencer and I had been sitting in the quiet for a couple of minutes now. After my massive outrage at him Spencer had realised it would be a good idea to keep his mouth shut and forget about what he saw.

I was still sat on the floor picking at the plush carpet, just waiting for the level of awkwardness to rise when Sarah re-entered the room.

“She’s taking forever; I’m going to check to see if everything is alright with her.” Spencer spoke.

I nodded in reply.

I could faintly hear the knocks on the wooden door and Spencer softly calling out Sarah’s name. By the sounds of it he was getting no reply. His voice grew louder and he kept on repeating her name. Suddenly, he stopped chanting. Curious, I stepped out of the room. Spencer noticed my presence and whipped around to me. The door of the bathroom was wide open.

“She’s not here…”

My heart skipped a beat.

“What?” I shook my head. “She’s probably downstairs.”

I begun frantically yelling her name, Spencer joined in. We dashed down the stairs. When she didn’t reply, I started to worry.

Spencer’s head peeked through the curtains. His head spun around to me.

“Her cars not outside!”

I quickly ran over to the window and nudged Spencer’s head out of the way to get a look. Sure enough Sarah’s small ratty old car was no longer parked outside Spencer’s house.

I turned to Spencer. “Why? Why would she just leave without telling us?” My face dropped. “You don’t think she heard what I said…” I had begun to feel sick.

Spencer bit his lip. “There is a possibility…or maybe she just felt really awkward”

I slapped my hand onto my forehead. “I’m guessing she’s just gone home. Spence come with me, I need to fix things with her.” I frantically pushed past Spencer, letting out a frustrated growl. I seriously knew how to fuck everything up.

“Calm down! Brendon, she is probably at home. But I think it’s best if you leave her. We’ll speak to her tomorrow.”

I shot a glare at him.

“No. I need to see her now. Why the fuck did I lie to you? If I didn’t lie I probably wouldn’t be in this situation.”

Spencer stared at me puzzled. “What do you mean lied?”

I threw my head back and let out another grow. “About the kiss, I lied.” I sighed running my hands through my hair. “That kiss was the most amazing sensational thing I had ever experienced. I swear Spencer I felt like I was floating; the rush of energy that flowed through my body was the most incredible thing I had ever felt. And it wasn’t even our first kiss.”

Spencer stared at me in awe. “What? Since when have you kissed before.”

“When we got from Chicago last week. I couldn’t help myself, and I don’t even regret it.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? I wouldn’t have judged you.”

“Because, I have a girlfriend. I’m trying to convince myself that the kiss meant nothing, so I can get over it. But that’s been the only thing going through my mind. That kiss, her lips. I just want her. But instead I’ve just pushed her away.”

“Do you love her?” Spencer looked at me with serious eyes. He asked almost the same question that Ryan asked me in Chicago.

I still didn’t know the answer. How do you know when you love somebody? According to Ryan ‘you just do’. I tried to imagine my life without her, I tried to imagine her never wanting to see me again, and I tried to imagine her face when she heard what I had said. All of the imaginary situations all made me feel sick.

But was that love?

“I don’t know Spencer.” I felt tears from frustration prick my eyes. “I don’t fucking know!” I clawed my face with my fingers. A tear dropped and from then on, the tears wouldn’t stop falling from my eyes. I didn’t even know why I was crying.

“Please, Spencer. Please come with me to see her.” I muttered.

“Okay.”

Ryan’s P.O.V

A rhythmic tone awoke me from my slumber. I rubbed my eyes and turned to look at the clock situated next to my bed. The red numbers showed “12:07am”. The annoying jingle kept on repeating itself and I reached out for my phone. My heart skipped a beat when the word “Sarah” was flashing on my screen. I quickly hit answer and was suddenly greeted with sobbing.

“Ryan?” Her voice croaked.

“Oh my god. Sarah are you okay?” My body shot up from my lying position. My heart sank as she sobbed again.

“Ryan. I’m sorry; I’m so sorry. You were right, you were fucking right. Brendon will never see me in the way I see him.” I could just about make out what she was saying; her words were mumbled in sobs. “I’m sorry for ignoring your calls and texts. I’m sorry for not listening to you. I’m sorry for being a bitch.”

“Woah, woah wait! What happened?”

She begun blubbering some words that I just couldn’t understand. I cut her off in mid sentence.

“You know what, it doesn’t matter. Do you want me to come over, I really don’t mind.”
Thankfully I only lived as much as a 30 minute drive away from Sarah.

“No no!” She sniffled “I need to get away from Brendon, that’s why I called you. I feel so bad asking you this… Would you mind if I stayed at yours for a while?”

My heart skipped a beat. Out of everyone she could choose, out of everyone she knew, she wanted to stay with me.

“No! Of course I don’t mind.” I felt a smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

Her sobs became less regular and her voice lit up. “Really?” She let out a sigh. “Thank you so much Ryan.”

“Do you want me to come pick you up?”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll drive.”

“Are you sure you’re in a state to drive.”

“I’m fine Ryan. Just, thank you so much.”

I smiled to myself. “It’s okay. I’ll see you soon Sarah.”

“Yeah, bye bye Ryan.” There was a bleep that sounded, indicated she had hung up.

She was slowly coming back to me, and I loved it.