Before Everything and After

I drive quickly towards Tyler's house, a road I've traveled on for my whole life. Never has it held this high of a risk, though. I can hear Marissa trying to keep it together beside of me. She starts out sniffling and wiping away tears, but just a mile later, she's trying to contain her shaking body, a dainty hand held close to her eyes and her other one held firmly to her mouth.

"Mar-mar, are you okay?" I ask, genuinely concerned.

A sob escapes from around the hand holding her mouth. From the corner of my eye, I see her shake her head.

"I'm gonna pull over for a few minutes, okay? Just so you can maybe calm down."

She nods as I pull over onto the shoulder. She shakes so hard in the seat next to me, I feel bad for not trying to help. I unbuckle and slide across the bench seat and hold her close to me. She moves her hands to show me a tear-stained red face, and a mouth contorted with contained sobs. She lets one of these sobs out and this leads to full-on crying hysterics. Her little shoulders hunch over and convulse as she tries to gain her breath.

I wait for her to quit, rubbing her arm and putting my face in her hair, trying to remember her scent in the dying sun. After a few minutes, her breathing slows down and the tears dry up. She continues to sob, but less and less until I'm holding a girl that feels broken and limp. A lump forms in my throat and I try not to cry too.

"I'm sorry," she squeaks from my arms. I pull away a little to look at her in the face and have to fight not to let out my own sob. Her eyes are full of pain, embarrassment, panic, and grief. "I don't usually get so emotional so easily."

I shake my head and put one of my hands on her wet cheek. "It's understandable," I say, looking her straight in the eyes.

She looks down and then flicks her eyes back up to me, a small smile on her face. "You know, I think you're supposed to kiss me now."

I swallow nervously and jump back about a foot. I cross my arms and stare out the windshield defiantly.

She unbuckles as well and slides back next to me. She puts her tiny hands on me and runs her little fingers over my chest, my arms, along my stomach; she's trying to remember every bit of me, just as I tried to do about her. I close my eyes as she continues her search, moving her hands back up from my hands to my neck and face. She traces my features like they're made of something fragile, and her fingers are as soft and as light as a bird's wing. She runs the tips of her fingers over the tips of my eyelashes and giggles. "Do you know the tips of your eyelashes are blonde?" Her warm breath hits me directly in the mouth; she's so close to me.

My eyes flash open to find her face only inches away from me. I blush. "Yeah, I know." I glance down, away from her prying eyes.

She takes my chin and guides it back up so she can see my eyes again. "'You should be glad you're fucking adorable, Nick,'" she says, repeating the same thing she said last night.

I glance at her lips. They're barely open, tempting me to press my own lips to them. I look back up to her eyes. They're not as bloodshot anymore, and the coffee-colored depths invite me in, pleading me to go ahead and kiss her. I close the gap and submit. My stomach swoops and my fingers tingle. I tangle my fingers into her hair and she pulls closer to me using my clothes. Our lips move together perfectly, like we've been doing this all our life. I feel like crying, but I feel like it would ruin the moment.

She breaks away first and starts tearing up again. "Oh God. Nick, what if we die?"

I exhale shakily and run a hand over my face. "We won't," I say strongly. "Not if I can do anything about it." I return to my own side and start to drive again. Marissa doesn't get back in her seat, but slides closer to me, pressing up against my side.

"And I'll be with you, every step of the way," she promises, her voice thick with emotion.