Reflections of False Hope.

The rush to the first venue was a contunues warp of running, jumping and yelling.

"I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGES!!!" Max screamed, picking me up and spininng me round and round.

"I know right, I missed you sooooooooo much!" I exclaimed, kissing his cheek.

"Its been a year!" He cried "You're seventeen, we only have custody over you for another 3 years! You're growing up too fast!"

I pouted "I've got a year left in that school."

"NO YOU DON'T!" Bryan, Robert and Craig yelled happily. I tapped my foot, waiting for an explanation,

"You're going on warped obviously, then our tour with FIR." Robert stated, displeased with the last part. "And you'll graduate online."

"THANKS ROB!" I screamed, huggling him before skipping to the tourbus to catch up on sleep.

The second I collapsed on my bunk, my phone vibrated and screamed Danny Wornsnop's "OMG" scream.

Come outta your effing bus and greet yo' besteyyy!xx

Wha...?xx

FIR are on warped too, bitch!xx

Brilliant xx

IKR!! C'mon! xx

I don't wanna...x

Radke will stay away xx

You sure?xx

Iuno, he's been moaning/crying your name alot in his sleep xx

Lovely. -.-

C'mon!!! xxx

Coming._. xx

I let out an exasperated yell and pulled my short shorts back on, teasing my faded black hair with my fingers before pulling some wristbands on instead of a hoodie. It was too hot outside.

"SLUT!" Aries screamed and attacked me with a hug.

"Hey" I smiled weakly and returned her hug.

"Kayley." Ronnie muttered.

"Ronnie." I replied, biting m lip.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, touching my arm.

"I'm ETF's merch girl." I whispered, flinching away from him. Another lie. I feel like killing myself.

"Your eyes are so.. empty."

"Once again, your doing."

"Get the fuck away from her, Radke." A voice I instantly recognized as Bryan's said calmly, making me huddle up in his arms.

"So you're fucking him now?" Ronnie sneered, the hurt he never showed, obvious in his eyes.

I looked up at Monte, chewing on my snakebite.

"Yes, she's with me." He answered the question aimed at me, putting his arm around me.

"Ofcourse." Ronnie yelled, spinning around and marching over to his bus. His body shuddered and he punched the side of his bus, yelling a few cuss words before slamming the bus shut. Only screams and things breaking could be heard from the inside.

"What's up wit him?" Bry asked softly

"I guess seeing you guys set him off again." Derek sighed, giving me a 'you better fix that' look. I pulled at my hair, trembling.

"I'll sort this out." I whispered, folding my arms to not hit anything "I talked to him a bit att the last warped, but we got into a fight."

With that, I took off towards FIR's bus, ignoring Bry calling after me. Chewing on my liprings, I pushed the door open.

"Ronnie?" I whipered, walking towards the figure sitting slumped in a chair, faced away from me. I ould see the Oxy lined up on the table.

"Y-you shouldn't be d-doing that." I mumbled, placing my hand on his trembling shoulder.

He jumped, making then powder go everywhere.

"Look what you didd!" He growled, flapping his arms around and trying to scoop it all up.

"Ronnie." I said softly as if to a wild animal, grabbing his large, callaused hands in my own small, soft ones, making him look up into my eyes.

"Why are you here?" He slurred, his voice cracking.

I pulled him over to the sofa and made him lie down with his head on m lap.

I stroked his hair and whispered "Why?"

"Y-you. And Aries keeps r-rubbing it in my faceeee."

"I'll speak to her."

"All I need... All I want... is you." He slurred, giving me a droopy stare.

"Ronnie, you're high. You don't know what you're talking about."

"The drug in me is you. T-that line was about you."

I blinked and ran my figners through his matted black hair as he gazed up at me.

"Why are ou with Monteee?"

"Because he literally saved me from my abusive ex Brendon and I had started liking Bry."

"Do you love me?"

I kept silence, pressing my lips together.

He stood up, stumbling slightly and yelled "I'm not as high as you think! DO YOU LOVE ME?!"

His posture was shudering violently an his arms were raised, making his hoodie sleeves roll down his arms, revealing the white and red cuts tht ran up and down his wrists and inner arms, one in the shape of a 'K'.

I jumped up and shoved him back down on the couch, holding his arms out.

"Don't do that over me. Ever. Don't make yourself bleed over me."

His brown eyes were tearful and so beautiful.When the tears escaped his eyes and rolled down his pale cheeks, I kissed them away. He held me tightly and sobbed into my shoulder, his fingers digging into my back.

"I love you. I wouldn't say it last time because I didn't know what love was. I was afraid." He cried "You need to understand that you're my drug. The one that cures me."

"Ronnie..." I started, but he cut me short.

"You're like the drug that I can't stop taking, I want more and I can't stop craving, I still want ou, its easy to see."

"But guess what honey, you're not that good for me." I sung quietly in my crappy voice then contined "I'm not good for you, Ronald."

"You make me feel alive!" He yelled again before breaking down into heart-wrenching sobs "Stay with me."

"I need to tell you something."

"Tell me." He cired shakily, hiss body shaking so violently that it made me shake.

"I-"

"Hey guys, whats taking so long?" Jacky asked, making me jump. "Why is he high again?"

"I came onto the bus , saw him with the oxy, pushed it on the floor, talked to him, he broke down." I blurted before Ronnie could say anything.

"This is the first time in a months time."

I let my head drop into my hands ans a tear rolled down my cheek. The first tear in six months.

"Tues, go back to your bus. I can see you're not emotionally ready for all this." Jacky said softly, stroking my hair after I shushed Ronnie to sleep.

"Sure." I nodded, pushing the hir out of Ronnie's face and kissing his sweaty forehead, while at it, I whispered six words.

"I love you, Ronald Joseph Radke."

***

"Tuesday, you okay?" Aries frowned.

"Why do you keep rubibng it in Ronnie's face thaat he hit me and tat I hate him?"

"Because its true."

"What the fuck? No, its not. I don't hate him at all."

"What...? He treated you like shit and you... what?"

"I love him, Aries."

"You....Monte...What?!"

"I don't know how I feel about Bry..." I sighed and went back onto the ETF bus, licking the door after me.

The second I heard her walk away from the bus, I sunk down onto the floor and felt the unfamilliar tears rush down my cheeks. I grabbed my anti-depressants and swallowed a whole handfull without even realizing that I could be putting my life at risk. A growl errupted from my throat that soon llead into a high ptched shriek. I punched the wall over and over again furiously, unaware of the blood smearing everywhere and the unbearable pain in my fist.

Someone rushed up to me and pinned me down as I went to hit my head on the tiled floor and huggled me, shusing me and holding my fists in their own hands. When tey were sure I wouln't do anything drastic, they loosened their grip, making me fall back onto the ground, sobbing loudly.

"I-I can-n't take-e th-this any..mo-ore..." I choked out, curling up and tucking my chin on my knees and screaming again. This time the scream caused the door to slam open and los of people to rush in. It was all a blur. The sounds were slow and the faces were blurred.

Before everything went black and I couldn't hear anything, I screamed one word louder than thoug possible.

"RONNIE!!!!!!!!"