Right Here Waiting

Right Here Waiting -Toushirou Hitsugaya Story #8-

Don't Say Goodbye

The next day, I ended up having to stay home. I got a fever overnight, and just when I thought I was completely free of it, BAM! It came back. Toshiro confined me to my bed. I wasn't allowed to do anything at all. I felt like a prisoner in my own home.

Toshiro came in, and placed a new cold towel on my forehead. Besides the cough syrup we had brought with us, I had no medicine in the house. Lets just say Toshiro wasn't too happy that.

The cool towel felt good against my head, and I was thankful that Toshiro was here with me. If I had been alone, I know for sure that I would have passed out from the fever out on some random street.

I kept drifting in and out of sleep. Every time my mind settled on a dream like memory about the past, I would wake up for a couple of seconds, then fall back to sleep. A lot of them were about Ayame...

The day we met, and the day I actually started acting friendly. One thing that I was sure about is that I was really mean to her when she first transferred to my middle school. And yet... we still became so close, almost like sisters.

The memory-like dream that stuck out the most was our first Christmas together. In our own house. We were so happy about it, the fact that we were able to pull away from our troubled homes. Of course, she had problems in her own home too, otherwise I hardly doubt we would have runaway.

Ayame's parents, just like many others in society today, got divorced when she was in the 4th grade. Her father got custody, and from then on, they moved from city to city. It wasn't long until her father met Jia, and got married to her. Ayame never liked her, and they always had their differences. After that main event, was when I met Ayame.

But then paradise was lost for her father and new step-mother.

From what Ayame told me, they were always getting into arguments, over really weird stuff. Well, weird to me anyway. Jia wanted a baby, her own baby, but Ayame's father didn't want to have anymore children. Jia kept threatened to leave them.

Around the same time, Ayame's mother had gotten remarried, and even had a new baby boy. Seiichi was sort of my little brother too, even though I never met him. Ayame agreed on this, since I never had anyone to look after. Kind of funny, actually.

Anyway, about a year after I met her, 5 days until Christmas.... Ayame's step-father died.

She was close to him, so it almost destroyed her. It hurt me a lot to see her in pain, and every year after that, I never looked forward to December 20th. After that, the arguments between her father and Jia kept getting worse and worse.

It became too much, and one night Ayame gathered her stuff and left. It was the same night she came and saved me from my mother's beating.

We contacted her mother and told her everything. I really liked Ayame's mom. Ayame's mom set up everything for us, getting a house I mean. She paid it off, and even helped us out with the bills at first.

The truth is, leaving my house wasn't very frightening. Because I had Ayame. She was all I truly needed.

And I lost her.

My mind slipped into another dream, and I heard Toshiro's voice.

"Yes. I'm going back. There are things I need to check on. I want Matsumoto to get some other shinigami and come here. It seems I'll need more help than I thought."

I didn't really get what he meant.

I woke up again, and by now it was nighttime again. As I tried to move, I noticed that Toshiro had fallen sleep. He had his head resting on his arms on my bed, kneeling on the floor. The boy looked peaceful, and rather cute. If only I had a camera....

I'm guessing he felt me trying to move, since he slowly blinked his eyes open. I giggled. Toshiro shook his head, becoming fully awake. "Are you feeling better?" His hand reached out and touched my forehead gently.

I blinked, and nodded slightly. "Yeah, I guess.."

He removed his hand, and stood up. "Good. Your fever is gone too."

I leaned against the wall, and felt my brow crease.

"What is it?" Toshiro asked, getting the feeling there was something on my mind.

"Nothing." I replied flatly, but he didn't like my answer.

"It's Ayame isn't it?"

"No, its not." I lied, trying to keep my composure.

"You're too stubborn. Just let people in Hikaru, it might help." I felt the bed shift a bit, and noticed that he was sitting on it now. I met his eyes, but then quickly looked away. I didn't like how intense they were at the moment. Which, was out of the ordinary, since I really like Toshiro's eyes.

"No. I don't need help, Toshiro. I'm fine." I let out in an even voice. It felt a bit forced.

Toshiro's patience seemed to be rather thin at the moment. I know this because he suddenly went off on me. "You stubborn, untruthful, cowardly, audacious, self-centered girl!" Frustrated, he got up and began pacing around the way he does when he's trying to think.

I swallowed, and tried to figure out how I took that. It was weird... because those words kind of hurt. Did he honestly think that of me? It took me a bit to respond. "That's not fair... You don't have the right to call me anything Hitsugaya!" Toshiro looked up at me, a bit surprised. I think it was because I didn't call him by his given name. "I'm not so stupid as to let every other person into my life!" I yelled out.

He got a bit angry at this. "You can let me in Hikaru! I can't tell what you're thinking because you're so... so..." For once, the young shinigami couldn't finish his sentence. Honestly, I don't think I'm that hard to define...

I stared at him a bit.

"I hate you."

Toshiro looked bewildered, and there was a lengthy silence

It just sort of slipped out. Honestly. Then everything slipped out. Nice.. "I blame you for everything! Ever since you showed up, everything about Ayame death has come down on me again! And... And... " There was no more holding back anymore, and part of me knew that it was the truth. "I hate how you can just see right through me! I hate it.. I hate it... " I felt my self shaking my head, and when I looked down I saw wet spots on my blanket. Was I crying?

I felt his hand on my head. "Sorry..." We both said it at the same time...

And just like that, I started laughing. Like the little outbursts never happened. Toshiro shook his head in disbelief, with his hand on his forehead.

After I stopped laughing, I came back to reality. "Its just... I don't like the fact that I'll never be able to fix my mistakes..." I felt my face becoming very still. Almost emotionless.

"Then don't repeat them. Its as simple as that." Toshiro said, as if that had been obvious form the very start.

"Hm." I wiped away my embarrassing tears. I didn't like crying in front of anyone, especially someone like Toshiro.

"I'm going to be leaving tomorrow morning. Just so you know." He told me, in a sober tone, after a few moments.

I raised my head to make eye contact. "What?" I stumbled on what to say. "But... you still haven't found the Grand Fisher. How can you leave?" I really didn't want him to go... because I still hadn't found anything about Ayame. If he left now, I could be left in the darkness for the rest of my life.

"It won't be for long. There are some things I need to take care of in the Soul Society. I'll come back as soon as I can. It involves what you told me and the Grand Fisher." He had crossed his arms in front of his chest and close his eyes.

"How is that connected to the Grand Fisher?" I asked, confused.

"I'm not sure. I'm just following my instincts on this one." His brow creased, and I got the feeling he was lying. But I didn't push it. If it was important, he would tell me. Right? I sighed, and glanced out my window.

****

Morning came too soon.. And when it did, lets just say I felt a bit panicky. Toshiro was already ready to leave, and was about to exit my window. " Hikaru make sure you take that medicine. I don't want to hear you coughing when I come back. Alright? Good-" He told me in a warning tone.

But instead of giving him a smart ass remark, I reached out and grabbed onto his wrist, interrupting him completely. "Wait."

He turned to me, and frowned. There must of been something that he saw in my face. My face was always betraying me, showing all these emotions I wished it wouldn't. I wish I could have a stone mask that Ayame sometimes had. She could hide anything, from anyone, but not from me. "Hikaru..." Toshiro started, "Why are you about to cry?"

True, my eyes suddenly felt moist. I glanced down at my hand around his wrist, a bit bothered by the sight. Personally, I hate goodbyes. They sound like something final. "Because if you say goodbye... I have feeling I'll never see you again." I paused, and let go of his hand. "You have to promise you'll come back, you punk." I said slowly. "No ditching me here. You got it?" This time there was much more force in my voice, and I sounded like the normal me. Rebellious and aggressive.

He smiled, amused. "Right. I promise Hikaru."

Toshiro turned and with out saying anything else, left. I watched the 'ten' on his back until it was completely out of sight. If he didn't come back like he promised, I don't think I was capable of forgiving the kid.