Kindle a Light
in the darkness of mere being.
“Tell me something I don’t know about you.”
“There are lots of things you don’t know about me.”
“Then there are plenty of things for you to choose from, aren’t there?”
“You know, this wasn’t what I had in mind when I asked you to trust me.”
“How am I supposed to trust you if I don’t even know who you are?”
“You do know who I am.”
“You just said-”
“You don’t know everything, but you know everything that matters.”
“I don’t know anything about you.”
“Exactly.”
“Hmph. Whatever, false modesty doesn’t suit you.”
“It isn’t false.”
“Yes it is. There are plenty of things that matter about you.”
“Like what?”
“Like everything. You’re just- you’re fascinating, endlessly fascinating. I could write an essay about the things I know and don’t know about you. Probably get an A for it, too.”
“You probably would.”
“...you’re smiling at me. Why are you smiling at me?”
“Is it a crime to be cheerful now?”
“It is when you’re looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like... I don’t know, like I’ve said something stupid and you’re just waiting for me to figure out what it was.”
“I’m not looking at you like anything. I’m just looking at you.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’ve never told a lie in my life.”
“Liar. And for god’s sake, stop smiling at me!”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, I- I didn’t realise it bothered you so much. I’ll stop.”
“It’s fine, it’s just... it’s unsettling. You look so old when you look at me like that, like you’ve watched the world grow old and you’re just waiting for it to end.”
“Maybe I have.”
“Or maybe you’re just creepy.”
“Do you think I’m creepy?”
“Oh, I don’t know. A stranger appearing in a child’s bedroom in the dead of night. What could possibly be creepy about that?”
“You’re not a child. And I’m not a stranger.”
“Yeah, I know. But that’s not what other people would think.”
“Society has a way of making even the most innocuous of things seem tainted and wrong.”
“I don’t think you’re wrong.”
“Thank you.”
“Yeah, well. Thanks for not thinking I’m a child. Thanks for not treating me like a child. ‘preciate it.”
“No problem.”
“Why are you here, though? You never said.”
“Perhaps I find you endlessly fascinating as well.”
“Yeah, right.”
“You should give yourself more credit.”
“So should you. Why are you here?”
“You’re rather stubborn, you know that?”
“Mmhmm. Why are you here?”
“Are you just going to keep asking until I answer?”
“What do you think?”
“Why do you think I’m here?”
“I don’t know, because you want to be? I have no idea why you would but I can’t think of any other reason, so you know.”
“If that’s a subtle hint for me to tell you, it isn’t going to work.”
“Oh, fuck you.”
“Okay, if you really want to know, I’m here because... because I haven’t got anywhere else to go.”
“Look, if you’re just going to make fun of me-”
“I’m not. Really. I haven’t got anywhere else to go.”
“Bullshit. There are plenty of places you can go that aren’t a teenager’s bedroom.”
“No, actually, there aren’t. There really, really aren’t.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Whatever you want it to.”
“I want it to mean you want to be here but apparently that’s too much to hope for.”
“I do. Want to be here. I just-”
“Haven’t got any other choice, yeah you said. Thanks.”
“Just because I have to be here doesn’t mean I don’t want to be.”
“Why do you even have to be here, anyway? Were you banished here by an evil magician? Are you on the run from the government? Were you abandoned by your mothership?”
“It’s complicated. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Ugh. So much for not treating me like a child. You know what, fuck you, I don’t want to deal with this right now. Get out of my room.”
“I-”
“Get. Out. Now.”
“Fine. If that’s what you want. I’ll leave.”
“Good. I hope you never come back.”
***
“Mmph. Hey, is that you?”
“Yeah. Did I wake you?”
“Eh, sort of.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“Nah, it’s okay, I was mostly half-awake anyway.”
“Oh. Right.”
“...”
“...”
“I’m sorry for yelling at you the other night. I didn’t mean it, it was just- I was just angry. People say stupid shit when they’re angry. I’m sorry.”
“And I’m sorry for not understanding your feelings. I didn’t mean to treat you like a child. It genuinely doesn’t have anything to do with your age. It’s just really, really complicated.”
“It’s okay. I think I get it now, sort of. I mean, I’ve seen you appear and disappear right in front of me so many times now. I think... I think I get it.”
“It isn’t how you think it is.”
“So how is it, then?”
“Not how you think. Trust me.”
“And I’m guessing you’re not going to elaborate on that?”
“Do I ever make it that easy for you?”
“Are you even real?”
“Why do you ask that? Do I not seem real to you?”
“Don’t do that. You always do that.”
“What?”
“Answer a question with a question. Can’t you just give me a straight answer for once?”
“You never ask the easy questions. What if there are no straight answers?”
“How can there not be a straight answer? Are you real or aren’t you?”
“It isn’t that simple. You know it isn’t that simple.”
“No, you’ve told me but I still don’t understand.”
“You’re not supposed to.”
“That is the biggest cop-out I’ve ever heard.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not.”
“No, I’m not.”
“There are lots of things you don’t know about me.”
“Then there are plenty of things for you to choose from, aren’t there?”
“You know, this wasn’t what I had in mind when I asked you to trust me.”
“How am I supposed to trust you if I don’t even know who you are?”
“You do know who I am.”
“You just said-”
“You don’t know everything, but you know everything that matters.”
“I don’t know anything about you.”
“Exactly.”
“Hmph. Whatever, false modesty doesn’t suit you.”
“It isn’t false.”
“Yes it is. There are plenty of things that matter about you.”
“Like what?”
“Like everything. You’re just- you’re fascinating, endlessly fascinating. I could write an essay about the things I know and don’t know about you. Probably get an A for it, too.”
“You probably would.”
“...you’re smiling at me. Why are you smiling at me?”
“Is it a crime to be cheerful now?”
“It is when you’re looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like... I don’t know, like I’ve said something stupid and you’re just waiting for me to figure out what it was.”
“I’m not looking at you like anything. I’m just looking at you.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’ve never told a lie in my life.”
“Liar. And for god’s sake, stop smiling at me!”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, I- I didn’t realise it bothered you so much. I’ll stop.”
“It’s fine, it’s just... it’s unsettling. You look so old when you look at me like that, like you’ve watched the world grow old and you’re just waiting for it to end.”
“Maybe I have.”
“Or maybe you’re just creepy.”
“Do you think I’m creepy?”
“Oh, I don’t know. A stranger appearing in a child’s bedroom in the dead of night. What could possibly be creepy about that?”
“You’re not a child. And I’m not a stranger.”
“Yeah, I know. But that’s not what other people would think.”
“Society has a way of making even the most innocuous of things seem tainted and wrong.”
“I don’t think you’re wrong.”
“Thank you.”
“Yeah, well. Thanks for not thinking I’m a child. Thanks for not treating me like a child. ‘preciate it.”
“No problem.”
“Why are you here, though? You never said.”
“Perhaps I find you endlessly fascinating as well.”
“Yeah, right.”
“You should give yourself more credit.”
“So should you. Why are you here?”
“You’re rather stubborn, you know that?”
“Mmhmm. Why are you here?”
“Are you just going to keep asking until I answer?”
“What do you think?”
“Why do you think I’m here?”
“I don’t know, because you want to be? I have no idea why you would but I can’t think of any other reason, so you know.”
“If that’s a subtle hint for me to tell you, it isn’t going to work.”
“Oh, fuck you.”
“Okay, if you really want to know, I’m here because... because I haven’t got anywhere else to go.”
“Look, if you’re just going to make fun of me-”
“I’m not. Really. I haven’t got anywhere else to go.”
“Bullshit. There are plenty of places you can go that aren’t a teenager’s bedroom.”
“No, actually, there aren’t. There really, really aren’t.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Whatever you want it to.”
“I want it to mean you want to be here but apparently that’s too much to hope for.”
“I do. Want to be here. I just-”
“Haven’t got any other choice, yeah you said. Thanks.”
“Just because I have to be here doesn’t mean I don’t want to be.”
“Why do you even have to be here, anyway? Were you banished here by an evil magician? Are you on the run from the government? Were you abandoned by your mothership?”
“It’s complicated. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Ugh. So much for not treating me like a child. You know what, fuck you, I don’t want to deal with this right now. Get out of my room.”
“I-”
“Get. Out. Now.”
“Fine. If that’s what you want. I’ll leave.”
“Good. I hope you never come back.”
***
“Mmph. Hey, is that you?”
“Yeah. Did I wake you?”
“Eh, sort of.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“Nah, it’s okay, I was mostly half-awake anyway.”
“Oh. Right.”
“...”
“...”
“I’m sorry for yelling at you the other night. I didn’t mean it, it was just- I was just angry. People say stupid shit when they’re angry. I’m sorry.”
“And I’m sorry for not understanding your feelings. I didn’t mean to treat you like a child. It genuinely doesn’t have anything to do with your age. It’s just really, really complicated.”
“It’s okay. I think I get it now, sort of. I mean, I’ve seen you appear and disappear right in front of me so many times now. I think... I think I get it.”
“It isn’t how you think it is.”
“So how is it, then?”
“Not how you think. Trust me.”
“And I’m guessing you’re not going to elaborate on that?”
“Do I ever make it that easy for you?”
“Are you even real?”
“Why do you ask that? Do I not seem real to you?”
“Don’t do that. You always do that.”
“What?”
“Answer a question with a question. Can’t you just give me a straight answer for once?”
“You never ask the easy questions. What if there are no straight answers?”
“How can there not be a straight answer? Are you real or aren’t you?”
“It isn’t that simple. You know it isn’t that simple.”
“No, you’ve told me but I still don’t understand.”
“You’re not supposed to.”
“That is the biggest cop-out I’ve ever heard.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No you’re not.”
“No, I’m not.”
♠ ♠ ♠
I honestly don't know what this is supposed to be.I hope it vaguely makes sense anyway.