My Head Is a Prison and Nobody Visits

In hindsight, Pippa should probably have been more prepared for the gig and should have expected more. Josh had told her that the band were in the middle of writing their third record and so she should have assumed that they would have played a big venue and have achieved a big success so far. But when she got a text from Josh early in the morning tell her to be at the O2 Brixton Academy at 5.30 in the afternoon she didn’t expect to see the words ‘Brixton Academy’ in the text, and her mouth dropped open.

This set the tone for the rest of the day.

She had panicked about what to wear, how to have her hair and what make up to wear. She had gone to gigs as a young girl but those were days she liked to bypass quickly style wise. To try and make herself less nervous Pippa googled ‘Brixton Academy’ and found out that the full capacity was 4,921 people. That only served to rattle her even more. Surely the venue would be sold out? But Pippa assumed that there were more surprises to come and resigned herself to the fact she had no idea what to expect.

In the end it felt like being thrown in the deep of the pool.

Pippa made it to the Academy in good time, finally having decided on a little black dress with black patterned tights. She felt unsteady in her high-wedged ankle boots and the London weather made her glad of her oversized red blazer but the nerves were kicking in. On the underground she had picked out the young teenagers who were also heading to where she was going. Their nervous energy fed over to her and she couldn’t help but smile at their enthusiasm and wonder what they would think if they knew she was meeting one of the band members.

Josh met Pippa in the parking lot surrounded by large trucks, the minute he stepped out of the venue there were several shrieks from the line that snailed along side the parking lot to venue door.

“I’m glad you came,” Josh said, and without thinking twice about it, hugged Pippa.

It all felt very surreal to her. The doors weren’t opening until 7, and yet at half 5 the line was already creeping around the side of the venue. Adding to this being hugged by Josh whilst people screamed his name was very distracting.

“We’ll all be out after the show!” Josh called out to the line of people, it did little to quiet them down but Josh smiled and led Pippa to the backstage door by the elbow.

“I’m not going to lie, I didn’t think your band was this big,” Pippa said honestly as Josh navigated through the many corridors that were bustling with activity: people walking around talking into phones, walky talkies, people rolling stage equipment past them and tech crew with cables slung across their arms. It was a lot to take in.

Josh only smiled at Pippa and finally stopped at a door that had the band’s name on a pristine piece of white paper. There was nobody inside it yet, Josh explained that the rest of the band had gone to pick up some food from a near by Japanese restaurant.

Pippa sank down on the sofa, slightly overwhelmed at the fact that she was sat backstage of the huge Academy.

“I thought you’d be playing in some underground club where the distance between the bar and stage is like five feet,” Pippa said with a smile, trying to mask some of the discomfort she was feeling at being so far out of her comfort zone.

“Sorry to disappoint, we’re sold out tonight and it’s the biggest venue we’ve ever played,” Josh said with a grin as he helped himself to one of the beers that had been neatly lined up on a table at the far side of the room.

It was at that point that Pippa realised how much she was in deep water. This was only the second time she’d met Josh and would be the first time meeting his friends. It was their biggest venue to date and she would be allowed to watch from the sidelines. Josh had already handed her a backstage pass earlier on.

Pippa didn’t know what to say so instead just looked at the laminated backstage pass in her hands. She was about to say something but the door to the backstage room burst open and four boys in high spirits flew through the door, heavy laden with brown take out carrier bags.

This was the part that Pippa had been dreading the most, meeting his band mates and best friends. She knew what too many boys in one small space could be like, but they genuinely surprised her. They were sweet to her and friendly. Such a contrast to the friends that Ben had introduced her to.

One of the boys that indentified himself as Dan insisted on sharing his duck gyoza with her, the other boys taking the hint all offered pieces of their own meals so in the end Pippa had her own plate of Japanese food. She was asked some personal questions, but questions of a job and personal life were neatly left out, Pippa couldn’t tell if it was because Josh has asked them not to, but either way she was glad she didn’t have to face those questions again.

“You must be a pretty special person,” Max said as he wolfed down his noodles with ginger chicken. “Josh doesn’t usually invite girls he randomly meets in Hyde Park to our gigs.” He grinned through a mouthful of noodles and Pippa didn’t know whether to laugh or be embarrassed.

Josh sorted it out in the end by smacking Max upside the head before expertly manoeuvring his chopsticks and eating his own food.

The pre show time was actually quite a peaceful experience. Other members from various bands visited You Me At Six, most of them had strong American accents and Pippa watched fascinated at how easily they all interacted with each other, as if they were all one big family of brothers. Pippa was more introvert than usual but was more than happy to be a spectator at this time rather than be in the thick of it. Seeing how the boys interacted with other people would show their real personalities, and she was pleased to see that so far they were exactly the kind of people that she needed in her life so badly: fun loving people who could joke about, but who could also be serious if they needed to be.

The energy in the room changed when the first support band went on stage. The bass of the music was easily audible and the roar of the crowd was unmistakeable. That was the point when the excited energy turned to nervous energy. Pippa sent out a reassuring smile, which Matt noticed.

“We’ve done this so many times before and been on so many different stages, but we always still get the same nerves. Funny really,” he said with an apology in his tone.

“I can imagine how you guys must be feeling, I used to get really bad stage right when I was in school,” Pippa didn’t want to linger on herself for too long so rather than carry on talking she simply just smiled. She didn’t want to bore the boys with old school stories.

Chris caught Pippa’s sudden silence and frowned a little but the door opened and a person whom Pippa knew instinctively was You Me At Six’s stage manager came in.

“You’re on in ten.”

Up until this point Pippa could only assume that music meant a lot to Josh and his friends, but when she was stood in the wings of the vast stage at Brixton Academy did she realise just how much music did mean to them. It meant everything. The minute the boys stepped on stage they had the crowd in the palm of their hands. When Josh said jump, they jumped. When he said scream, they screamed back at him in one voice. She watched as Chris and Max would jump up and down, jump off the amps and get the crowd going. It was fantastic to watch.

And mostly Pippa was jealous. They had all found something they loved to do and they did it exceptionally well. Something she still had to accomplish. But as she watched the five boys on stage, she never wanted the show to end. She could tell how much every second of this show mattered to them. Their biggest venue to date. She was already proud of them and had only met most of them for the first time that night.

Everything was perfect, from the ‘last’ song to the encore and their exit. Josh kept saying over and over again how happy and privileged they felt and how much he loved London.

“We are You Me At Six and you can’t hold us down, thank you and goodnight,” was the last thing Josh said as the lights on stage went black. For a few seconds the whole venue was black, but the house lights flicked on quickly and the spell was lifted.

“I’m almost speechless,” Pippa said once back in the confines of the dressing room. “You guys were amazing.”

They all grinned their thanks back to her as they started looking for non sweaty clothes and bottles of water to cool down before they were going to go outside to sign, take photos with and meet the fans that braved the bad London weather to get a chance to meet the band.

“Are you gonna still be here when we’re finished outside?” Matt asked drying his hair on a white hand towel.

“I’d love to but I need to make sure I catch the last tube, I live on the other side of the Thames so it’s a few stops to go.”

“Oh no stay, I’ll make sure you get home,” Josh said quickly and wouldn’t take no for an answer, any of Pippa’s protests fell on deaf ears as the rest of the band grinned, sensing Josh’s game plan.

Pippa made the mistake of shutting her eyes for two seconds and next thing she knew, 45 minutes later Josh was gently shaking her awake.

“You feel asleep whilst we were gone, we’ve even managed to get all our gear packed off,” Josh was grinning. “Did you sleep well?”

“Not long enough,” Pippa said smiling back at him.

Josh, despite living in London himself, had no concept of distance and wanted to walk Pippa home. But between them lay the river Thames which needed crossing to get back to Pippa’s flat near Earl’s Court. In the end Pippa won the argument and whilst she said goodbye to all the boys Josh flagged down a taxi.

“We’ll see you again soon?” Chris asked, pushing some of his long hair out of his eyes, but all the time smiling up at her with sincerity.

“I really hope so,” Pippa said with the same sincerity.

In the taxi it seemed normal for just two seconds to rest her head against Josh’s shoulder, but that was before she remembered that she’d actually only known this boy for two days. It puzzled her that already she was feeling very much at ease with him; there were no awkward moments.

After a fifteen-minute car ride in comfortable silence they pulled up to Pippa’s flat. From the outside it looked like a grand terraced house, but each floor was split into an apartment, with Pippa living on the top floor.

Josh held the cab door open for Pippa and signaled to the cab driver to wait a few minutes. Pippa dug around in her bag for her purse and handed Josh a fiver, which he refused.

“Don’t worry, the cab fare is on me,” he said with a smile. “You can pay me back when we get a coffee next.”

Pippa smiled as he said this, so he wanted to see her again. That was a nice thought.

They were stood outside the front door of the house in silence before Pippa brought up the courage to say what she had been wanting to say since the boys got off stage.

“I really want to thank you for tonight, I feel really privileged being able to have watched you guys from side stage when tonight was so important for all of you. I mean we don’t really know each other at all but I am thankful,” Pippa said not being able to look Josh in the eye and instead looked down at her turquoise painted fingernails.

“It meant a lot to me that you came tonight, even though like you said we barely know each other but I hope that changes soon,” Josh hugged her goodbye and quick promises were made to get in touch again soon.

Pippa watched Josh jog to the cab, where the driver had been waiting impatiently for him, and before he clambered into the black cab he waved Pippa goodbye.

She managed to drag herself up two flights of stairs before she collapsed onto her red sofa, completely bowled over by Josh Franceschi.