Status: active. Kill or keep?
If I Fell...
Even Though...
And even though I want him to kiss me, I can't let him. Even though my heart is racing and my hands are sweating and my head is screaming YES! my heart is screaming no, so I stop him.
"John, wait," I say softly. He stops. "Please... just, not yet." He slowly steps away, breathing into the night air, taking his hands from my face. The space between us becomes cold and awkward. But John keeps walking, taking me to wherever we're going.
"John, I..." I don't know what to say, but I have to say something. What do I say? Each of our silences are mingling, becoming larger and colder, more tangible; solid.
"I'm sorry, I just don't really know what to do," I say quietly, barely breaking the wall. Just a tap on the fish bowl, enough to startle him, but not harm or help. I squeeze his hand, which shocks me, and he comes back to me. The wall is shattered.
"I'll race you," He says. I laugh.
"But I don't even know where we're going!" I giggle. Giggle? Me? ...
"Too bad... GO!" and he takes off. For such skinny legs, he has a lot of force and speed. I shoot after him, tripping once, catching myself, and rocketing off again.
"John! You cheater! That wasn't fair!" And in the darkness, I don't see him stop. I just crash into him, tackling him accidentally on the grass.
"Shit, Leila!" he laughs. I laugh again, and push myself off of him. There's something about him that just... makes it okay to be happy. He makes it okay to be me.
The grass is damp, so I quickly get up and brush myself off.
"I won," I say smugly even though this is clearly not the case."
"Whatever," He scoffs. "It's right down here," He says, taking my hand and leading me a little further, to a dirt path. I hear a trickling, a river. It's got to be the river.
I can hear splashes where the water meets a rock, and the toads chirping around it. When we're through the brush, the river glows golden in candlelight, reflecting in a thousand places, like liquid gold.
Candles are set on various rocks, with a blanket in the middle, on the bank. But all I can stare at is the river. The fluid sunset, easing over the rocks and fighting against itself in the undercurrent.
"John, wait," I say softly. He stops. "Please... just, not yet." He slowly steps away, breathing into the night air, taking his hands from my face. The space between us becomes cold and awkward. But John keeps walking, taking me to wherever we're going.
"John, I..." I don't know what to say, but I have to say something. What do I say? Each of our silences are mingling, becoming larger and colder, more tangible; solid.
"I'm sorry, I just don't really know what to do," I say quietly, barely breaking the wall. Just a tap on the fish bowl, enough to startle him, but not harm or help. I squeeze his hand, which shocks me, and he comes back to me. The wall is shattered.
"I'll race you," He says. I laugh.
"But I don't even know where we're going!" I giggle. Giggle? Me? ...
"Too bad... GO!" and he takes off. For such skinny legs, he has a lot of force and speed. I shoot after him, tripping once, catching myself, and rocketing off again.
"John! You cheater! That wasn't fair!" And in the darkness, I don't see him stop. I just crash into him, tackling him accidentally on the grass.
"Shit, Leila!" he laughs. I laugh again, and push myself off of him. There's something about him that just... makes it okay to be happy. He makes it okay to be me.
The grass is damp, so I quickly get up and brush myself off.
"I won," I say smugly even though this is clearly not the case."
"Whatever," He scoffs. "It's right down here," He says, taking my hand and leading me a little further, to a dirt path. I hear a trickling, a river. It's got to be the river.
I can hear splashes where the water meets a rock, and the toads chirping around it. When we're through the brush, the river glows golden in candlelight, reflecting in a thousand places, like liquid gold.
Candles are set on various rocks, with a blanket in the middle, on the bank. But all I can stare at is the river. The fluid sunset, easing over the rocks and fighting against itself in the undercurrent.
♠ ♠ ♠
hmm :) comments?