Learning to Love

Chrystal’s P.O.V:

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” I mumbled as I approached the school assembly stage. Some teacher heard me and frowned. Well I’m sure they’d be swearing if they were about to read a poem out to the whole school…including the person it’s about. I took a deep breath in and slowly released it. Breathe Chrissie. I carefully walked up to the microphone, as to not trip. I’ve never been much of a public speaker…and I don’t even have to do this. I won a young poets competition I entered a while back, and now my English teacher wants me to read my entry to everyone. I almost slapped him right there, but he seemed serious when he said my poem was touching and well worth sharing. So here I am, shitting myself, about to read it. I unfolded the million folds I folded it in with slightly shaking hands and cleared my throat…and that’s when I spotted him. He was looking down at the floor so his hair fell over his face. He looked up as soon as I spoke, exposing his pretty blues. “Um…This poem’s called She’s Wishing Hard,” I started. I must’ve sounded so pathetic.

“She lies awake at night and thinks,
About all she wanted to say.
These thoughts always make her heart sink,
Because she thinks them every day.
She only wants to talk to him,
And be with him forever more.
But now her chances are so slim,
So she lies crying on the floor.
“Why didn’t I just take a chance,
And go to talk to him one day!?
I only gave a gutless glance,
And now is when I truly pay!”
She’s so good at covering up,
How sad she feels most every day.
People will come and ask “what’s up?”,
And she replies “nothing, okay?”
If she could look them in the eye,
For much longer then she would dare.
They’d see what she said was a lie,
And that she needs someone to care.
And what’s worse is he’ll never know,
Just exactly how it must feel.
To him she’s unable to show,
How much he means to her for real.
He hasn’t got a fucking clue,
Of what she dearly wants to say.
“All these poems I write for you,
Show the feelings that are to stay.”
Tears threaten to stream down her face,
Whispered lyrics from her lips flow.
Her heart is a much quickened pace,
For her actions are way too slow.
So another poem later,
She’s ripped apart herself inside.
She wants him to be there with her,
So that in him she can confide.
For her wrecked heart he is the cure,
And to get him she has to fight.
She needs his heart which seems so pure,
It’s what she wishes for each night.”

I finished the last sentence then almost ran back to my seat, staring at my shoes for the rest of the assembly. At least he was forced to look at me. I was on his mind for all of probably the three seconds it took him to realise it was me he was looking at. Shawn noticed me…

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After assembly, I got to the front office where I was supposed to collect some sort of award for winning the contest. After standing at the front desk waiting for a staff member to tell me where to go for quite some time, I was then just told to sit down and wait. I hate waiting. Especially when there’s nothing to do. As if someone had read my mind at that very instant, Shawn walked in the office with a frown on his perfect face. He didn’t see me. He marched rather angrily up to the front desk and asked to see the “fucking principal”. Poor guy…He then received a boring lecture on how profanities are wrong, unnecessary and rude and was told to sit down and wait. My heart skipped a beat as he chose the seat next to me. There were many seats in the office, and we were the only two waiting there. What are the chances of that!?