What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"You can sit next to me." Jawn said as he pulled out a chair and waited for me to sit on it.

"Okay." I sat down, then he sat down next to me. Sitting across us were Shane and Ross, Mr. and Mrs. O'Callaghan were at either widths of the rectangular table.

So they started eating and the need to fill the awkward air with conversation also started.

"So, what's her name again, the fifth?" Ross looked up from his food.

"Have a little respect, Ross, she's right in front of you." Jawn scoffed.

"I just wanna know her name." Ross rolled his eyes. "Sheesh--"

"Well, dear, do tell us your name." Mrs. O'Callaghan cut Ross off.

I glanced up. I didn't want to be impolite, especially not to Jawn's parents, but I didn't really really didn't feel like talking.

Jawn was looking at me the entire time and he soon found out that his parents weren't going to get a response from me, so he spoke up himself. "She's Jess. We, uhm, became friends on tour."

"Friends?" Ross suspiciously eyed his brother.

"Friends." Jawn nibbled on the lasagna on his fork. Soon enough, he was making up stories which I was really thankful for. "We had her pre-birthday party last night, so, we weren't really planning on celebrating today anymore. So she slept the entire day `cause she was up all night."

"That's lovely, how old is she turning?"

"Twenty." Jawn answered. "She's turning twenty. Turned. She turned twenty today."

"How many times do you have to say it," I mumbled in annoyance to the fact that he mentioned my age thrice.

"Sorry."

"Hope you've been enjoying your birthday." Mr. O'Callaghan then said.

"Thanks." I muttered.

"Mom baked you a cake, doll." Jawn informed me.

"Thank you." I forced on a smile at his mom then went back to staring at my food.

Jawn leaned over to whisper to me. "Doll, you have to be polite, this is my family."

"I'm trying." I sighed as he pulled away and took another helping of lasagna into his mouth.

"And eat." Jawn put his fork down and took mine which I've been playing with for the past fifteen minutes in my hand. He took a small fraction of the lasagna on my plate and held it in front of my mouth. "Open."

"Jawn, no," I pushed his forearm away.

"No, doll. Eat." Jawn pinned my wrists to the table with his free hand so I couldn't push him away again and put the fork in front of my mouth. "Open."

I gave in and opened my mouth only to have him stuff the lasagna in it.

"Good girl." Jawn put my fork back on the side of my plate as he returned to his own food.

After I swallowed, I tugged at the hem of Jawn's shirt like a kid would to his mom's dress.

Jawn acknowledged me and leaned over to have me whisper to him.

"Tell your mom it tastes awesome."

"I'll do that." Jawn pulled off. "She says it tastes awesome." He said to his mother.

"And she's already kissing up." Ross laughed. "When's the wedding?"

"Ross, will you stop it?" Jawn impatiently scowled.

"Stop what?"

"Stop it!"

"Stop messing with you and your girlfriend?"

"Ross, just fucking stop!"

"Jawn, your language." His mother warned.

"No, mom! Ross is being a dick!" Jawn answered. "Ross, will you just fucking stop being a dick for a second? Please? You have no fucking idea how much Jess is going through right now, and she is not my fucking girlfriend, I suggest you just stop!" He got up and threw his fork on his plate. "Excuse me." He growled as he went off before he could've made a bigger scene and said more unacceptable things at the dinner table.

I continued staring at my food, trying to be oblivious of his family's reaction to his.

I soon got to the decision to just go back upstairs when Shane made me stop for a second. "I'll bring you dinner later, you barely ate."

All I could do was say "Yeah, okay, thanks."

When I got to his room, he was standing by a Tom Petty poster and banging his forehead on it repeatedly.

"Jawn, what are you doing?"

"I am gonna get an earful from my folks about this." Jawn said as he approached.

"I'm tired." I groaned as I plumped onto his bed.

"You haven't eaten anything, you have to take your meds before you go to sleep."

"Wasn't what you fed me enough," I complained.

"No." He sat down with me.

The lights were out but the light from the bathroom was enough to light the room up.

"I don't wanna take my meds." I took Jawn's hands and smiled at him adventurously. "I wanna die!"

Then Jawn slapped me, which was exactly what I did when Kennedy told me that.

I was shocked. He has never inflicted physical pain on me before other than holding on to me too tight.

"Sorry, doll." Jawn brushed my hair out of my face, only to see the shock in my eyes. "But I can't let you say those things."

"But those things are the truth." I looked down. "Look at my life. Nothing."

"Don't break down. Not again. Please." Jawn quietly begged as he looked at the wound on my forearm. Then he held my face in his palms. "Please. It hurts me to see you crying. It doesn't help to know this is all my fault, please just.. I can't.. I can't stand to see you crying yet I can't stand to leave you either, I'm torn, doll. This is hard for me too."

"You were wrong to say I didn't need you in my life." I muttered. "You're all I have right now."

He nodded and listened.

"Don't leave me, okay?"

Just a second later, I found myself grasping at Jawn's shirt while I cried. "Please don't leave me.. I.. I need you."

He kept himself quiet, preparing himself to listen to anything else I had to say.

But I didn't have anything else to say.

It was that simple.

I. Needed. Him.

Simple, right?

I pulled back a little bit to look up to him.

He stared into my eyes intently.

I put initiative in it and leaned in which made him lean in too.

Then we kissed.

That one time I wanted things to happen between us, he stopped.

"I can't." He jerked away while I watched him, asking him with my tear-filled eyes what was wrong.

I looked around. No one was there. Why'd he even stop?

"I think I love you." He said quietly. "I think I'm in love with you. I just.. I can't. I'm sorry."