In 102 Languages I Love You

Two words, that's all it can take to break someone down. His face had lightened up, but he still reeked of nerves since the words escaped his light thin lips. Thoughts and questions poured into my head. What does he exactly mean when he says 'I know' ? Can't that mean a lot of things? It can't mean he knows I have ALS...who would've told him?

"Y-You know what Gerard? That I'm clumsy? Yeah, I know pretty obvious!" I try to say calmly, but still comes iut nervously and slightly awkward.

His face dropped. He reached down for my hand, but I pulled away quickly afraid of what he might do; afraid of his touch, just afraid. "Come on Madison, let's walk." He said softly.

It took a bit to get both my legs steady once again. I knew Gerard was on high alert, ready to catch me if I fell again. Literally.

It was funny how the sun fooled you. It was a bright sunny day from the window view inside a house, yet when you walked outside you were hit with the cool rush and the sun laughed in your face. My fingers were balled up in a fist and stuffed down in my jacket as far as they could go. My zipper jacket was pulled up all the way to the bottom of my neck. Cold winds rushed through my body, leaving me nothing but a tiny little shivering creature.
Gerard and I continued our walk. He must have noticed that I really was freezing my ass off. "Here.."

He stopped me by grabbing my wrist and stood in front of me as he dug into his coat pocket. I looked up at his face and stared up at his beauty. Was it just me or did Dan have pretty guy friends? His eye lashed curtained up his pool of hazel eyes. He had a rather pointy nose and cute semi chubby cheeks you wanted to just grab and pinch.

"Ah here!" He smiled. My insides loosened and I must have looked in 'awe' when he smiled. He smiled from one side of his mouth, making it crooked, but it added on to the rest of his look. "Here you go kid, maybe this will keep you warmer." He said pushing a hat over my head.

"Thanks.." I mumbled trying to force a smile. At least it showed he cared, right? The rest of the walk was kept silent. All that was heard were the light steps we took, or any passing car whizz by. As we approached the local park a pool of nerves stirred up. We had to head back soon and Gerard still hadn't said anything. "You wanna sit down on a bench or something?" No, say no, just say no!

"Sure."

The bench was just as cold as the temperature around us. I took a look around the park, it looked lonely. The swing seats looked like they wanted to make some kid happy by swinging them. The sandbox was full of pales and shovels, but no one to dig up enjoyment. The monkey bars wanted some kid to swing by over and over. I took a look at Gerard when he began bouncing his leg, he became ancy.

"Dan told me.."

I didn't know what to exactly feel. Two feelings were fighting themselves, well actually three. Shocked, nervous, and furious. Shocked that Gerard, knew, nervous because someone out of my family knew my condition not including Drake or his mother, possibly even his father, and furious at what my brother had done, better yet, said. I felt a tint of betrayal dash through my veins. Why would my brother tell Gerard?

"Don't be mad at him Madison..I mean, I am his best friend. It was the day we came to your house for the first time. I thought it was weird you were in so much pain after Frank knocked into you. I mean the guy is pretty small. I also noticed the way you walked, it's different..and that same day, you were going up the stairs funny. I pulled Dan off to the side one day..and he just..he vomited secrets."

When he noticed I wasn't ready to say anything yet, he decided it was best for him to continue. "He told me about your disease and I decided to research and look up on it and stuff.." He trailed off.

I brought my knees onto the bench and hugged them for warmth. "So you know I'm going to die.." I croaked looking up at him.

He nodded. Another hit of surprise took over me. No one has ever actually agreed whenever I said, "I'm going to die." They tried to sugar coat the truth with saying, "oh we're all going to die someday.." Or whenever I said, I'd go earlier then them, they always said, "death is unpredictable. I can die right now." This Gerard, he didn't argue, he agreed. He wasn't afraid to tell me what reality had in store for me.

"Wow..you're the first one not to sugarcoat death for me.."

Gerard shrugged letting his body slouch. He kept his eyes towards his feet and avoided any type of eye contact. "Are you feeling okay? Dan is going to kill me if he finds out anything happened to you."

I let out a rude snort. "Dan is going to be way relieved when I die. He doesn't care. He treats we worse then the dirt caught on the spaces of the bottom of his sneakers. No one's going to miss me."

He looked down at me scrunching his forehead. "You don't know how many wrong things there are in your statement. Dan acts like a jackass, we know. He cares though, about you...a lot."

I shrugged holding on to my knee's tighter. Why had my legs given up on me, why so early? "This isn't supposed to be happening.." I quivered. "It's way too early for my legs to be suddenly giving up on me.." And that's when it happened. I never cried much over my disease. I didn't whine about it either. I took it as it was. Now, it scared me knowing that my immobilization was coming sooner then I expected it. I wasn't prepared for it.

I wasn't prepared to start crying in front of Gerard either.

"I went for a checkup two weeks ago. The doctor said I was fine! He said my muscles were decaying slower then normal, why..? Why did I fall.." I asked putting the spotlight on Gerard.
He looked terrified, he didn't prepare himself for my little crying session either. I became embarrassed of myself and looked away. I felt him shift closer to me.

"Hey kid..at least now you know someone else is there for you." He whispered lightly through my hair over my ears.

I slowly let his face come into view. He looked nervous as he raised his hand and brought it up to my face. I stared as he moved it towards my cheek and brushed away the tears that had been racing down them.

"Thanks Gerard." I whispered smiling lightly.

"No problem kid, wanna head back?"

I nodded.

"Oh yeah one more thing Gerard.."

"Hmm?"

"My names Madison, not kid, alright?" I laughed lightly wiping away the rest of my tears.