It Was Always You

Jack’s hands start to shake as he picks up the cordless phone in the kitchen. His thumb hovers over the ‘answer’ button and for a second, he contemplates letting it go to the answering machine. Because really, for the past year he’s been waiting and hoping for Alex to get into contact with him. Maybe it’s about time Alex was waiting for Jack.

But then he remembers that the answering machine is in the bedroom and that’s where Zack currently is, probably wondering why the hell Jack just ran out to answer the phone. Jack’s not entirely sure how he’s going to react when he finds out exactly who’s on the other line, but Jack would like to prolong that for a little bit. So, with that thought, he presses the correct button and holds the phone up to his ear, saying a shaky, “Hello?”

“Jack. Hi. I was hoping you’d be the one to answer.”

Like before, Alex sounds tired and now Jack thinks he might even sound a bit…concerned. About what, Jack can only imagine.

“Who else would it be?” Jack jokes nervously.

When Alex doesn’t respond, Jack realizes he probably said the wrong thing. Zack could have answered, he realizes and he feels guilty, suddenly, even though he probably shouldn’t.

“Uh. Right um. You said…You said you called because you need to talk to me…”

Alex sighs. “Right. So, I’m going to tell you something and I don’t want you freaking out, okay? I…I can’t deal with you freaking out over this. I just need you to be as calm as possible.”

“Alex…Alex you’re scaring me,” Jack says, lifting his eyes when he hears Zack stumble into the kitchen. He puts his finger up to his lips, signaling for Zack to be quieter and Zack just glares at him.

“I…Joey’s s-sick, Jack,” Alex chokes out and he stumbles over his words. “He’s really sick.”

Jack feels his heart drop, his stomach twist painfully. He feels as though Alex just physically pushed him backwards and all the air left his lungs. He looks up at Zack who’s now leaning against the counter in his boxers and one of Jack’s oversized hoodies and a curious expression on his face. Jack blinks a few times more than necessary as he struggles to comprehend exactly what Alex just told him.

“Hey, Jack,” Zack says, walking over and resting one hand on Jack’s back, “Jack you need to breathe.” He smacks him in the middle of his back, just hard enough to break Jack from his thoughts and his brain remembers to inhale, gaining enough oxygen to continue his conversation with Alex.

He swallows hard and presses the phone closer to his ear as he asks, “W-what do you mean by ‘sick’, Alex? Is he-”

“He was diagnosed with leukemia. Acute myeloid leukemia. It’s…He was diagnosed with it six months ago, Jack, and I-”

“Six months ago?!” Jack pushes his chair back from the table and stand sup, one hand moving to tangle into his own hair and he tugs on it out of frustration. “What the fuck, Alex?! And you didn’t tell me?”

Alex inhales sharply and Zack comes around to Jack’s side, eyes wide as he whispers, “It’s Alex? Can you trace the call?”

Jack shakes his head and waves him away, not really in the right mindset to even think about that right now. “How the fuck could you keep something that big from me? I mean, seriously Alex! I know you might have forgotten but he’s my son too!”

“Yeah Jack. I know.” Alex pauses, letting out a shaky breath and even through his anger, Jack suddenly feels slightly bad for him. “I’m sorry, alright?”

“Whatever,” Jack mumbles as he sits back down in his seat, hand carding through his hair anxiously. “Tell me where you are, Alex. I’m going to come there and I’m going to see him. You can’t keep him from me anymore.”

“That’s why I was calling,” Alex defends himself, his voice straining as he starts to get more stressed. “To tell you –”

“Let me talk to him.”

“You can’t.”

“Alex. Put him on the phone.”

“No really, you can’t. I’m home. He’s in the hospital overnight.”

“I…fuck. I can’t believe you right now.” Jack looks up at the ceiling, his eyes filled with water. He blinks the tears away and presses his fingers against the bridge of his nose. “Just give me your address. I’m going to get the next flight there.”

Jack motions towards the kitchen counter where a stack of sticky notes and pen rests beside the phone chargers. Zack doesn’t hesitate, knowing exactly what Jack needs, and he grabs the notes off the counter, as well as the pen.

“Okay. Um…Once you figure out a flight and when it comes in…Call me on…on my cell. I’ll give you the number.”

Jack can hear the pain in his voice; can tell how difficult it was to say that he’d give Jack his number. But he doesn’t even care right now and he takes the sticky notes from his boyfriend, focusing on every word Alex says as he recites his address.

-&-

“They’re all so expensive…”

Jack’s fingers tap on the table as he watches Zack scroll through the list of flights out of Maryland. He’s been off the phone with Alex for twenty minutes now, already explained the situation to Zack and now he just wants to start getting things done. He needs to book a flight, pack his stuff and figure out where he can stay in Monticello, which is apparently – according to Alex – in Jefferson County. There’s so much he needs to do and he feels like he doesn’t have any time to do it.

“I don’t care about price right now, Zack, believe it or not,” He spits out as he runs his hands over his face, “My son’s sick. I can’t think of money right now.”

Zack’s face falls, and he bites his lip. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I-”

“Just get us the earliest flight tomorrow. I don’t care about price. It’s fine. First class, too, okay? I’ll go start packing.” Jack stands up, ready to head for the stairs, but then he catches the look on Zack’s face. “What’s the problem?”

“I…Us? Me too?”

“Yes…”

“Jack…” The younger boy sighs and shakes his head, “I can’t. I have class…Finals are coming up really quick and I can’t miss. And besides, I don’t think Alex would be very happy to see me there too.”

Jack blinks. “You’re my boyfriend. I don’t care what Alex thinks. I want you there.”

“I can’t, Jack. I have school. Trust me, it’s better that I stay behind.” Zack looks up at Jack, a desperate look on his face. “Jack really. I’ll just cause problems. You should go see Joey and be able to hang out with him and deal with everything without issues between me and Alex. Because you know it’s inevitable if that’s really why he stopped contact.”

It makes sense, really. Jack knows it does. But going down to Florida, alone and insecure and nervous and completely unknowing of what to expect? Jack doesn’t like that. Having Zack with him would make things easier and more comfortable. But, at the same time, he’s right when he says it would complicate things. And Jack wants this to be as easy as possible.

“I…okay,” he finally agrees, breathing out and trying to calm himself down. “Okay. That’s fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine on my own. I’ll just be calling you every hour,” He smiles to show that he’s just kidding around and being overdramatic (and yet at the same time he’s kind of not) even when inside, he’s falling apart.