When Did Your Heart Go Missing?

I hated myself. I hated myself and I hated Frank. I hated everything and everybody.

Why did he have to make this so much more complicated? I can't be in relationships. I can't be with anyone. It never works out for me. And Frank...

He's my best friend. Him liking me back...just makes forgetting my feelings for him that much harder.

We walked together in silence. Not looking at each other, not talking...just walking.

Once we'd reached my house, I made to walk up the walkway.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Layla," Frank said, grabbing hold of my arm. I couldn't help but look up at him. And I hated myself all over again. He looked miserable.

"Yeah," I said softly. I pulled away and walked away, just about ready to cry.

Should I go back?

But I didn't. I walked into my house, wishing that the kiss never happened, wishing that I didn't care that way about Frank, wishing that maybe we could at least act like it never happened.

There were voices in my head. Arguing. Yelling so loud as I stood against my front door that I feared I'd fall from the ache in my head.

You're doing the right thing, Layla, one voice said. You can't risk a strong friendship for something as meaningless as a high school romance.

There's high school romance and then there's love, another voice said. You can't walk away from Frank. You need each other. You want each other. You deserve each other. Dear God, you're just hurting yourself.

You felt this way about Rodney and all those other dumb boys. How did you end up? Scarred. Emotionally. Eternally. Love at this age? Impossible. You don't want to lose Frank later on. Not as a friend.

Frank isn't just another dumb boy. He is the boy. The one. The one for you.

I walked into the kitchen, my head starting to ache from arguing...

...with my heart.

And what did I find? Mother dearest all dolled up.

"Mom?" I asked nervously.

"Layla, darling!"

My mom had been so happy lately. I was almost happy for her. And for myself. But it could get creepy.

"What's going on?" I asked, trying not to sneeze from the insane amount of perfume floating in the air.

"I've got a date with the love of my life!"

She has...a date...with the love...of her life?

Wow.

I just realized I never mentioned my dad. Well...there's nothing to say. Long ago, I asked my mom about him and she simply said, He does not exist. Never ask about him again. You hear me? Never.

"Is that why you've been so happy?" I asked, smiling helplessly. "The little black dress, the make-up, dear God, the perfume..."

"There's money on the table for pizza," she said, grabbing a little black purse and taking out a fifty-dollar bill. "Well, there is now, anyway!"

I felt I might puke.

"You have a...boyfriend?" I asked.

"Yes!" The 'Dictator' skipped over to me and kissed me on the cheek. "Now, don't wait up! I may not come back tonight! Don't burn down the house!"

She giggled and started running towards the door. I followed her with my eyes.

"I'm in love, I'm in love!" she said.

I felt something in the pit of my stomach.

What is love after all? Is it real? Or is it just a lie that has you thinking about someone you shouldn't think about...and then leaves you torn?

I hope it's not the latter. But either way, I'm screwed.