Gone Isn't Forever

Chapter 10

Unholy Confessions

“Las Vegas, Las Vegas. Oh how long has it been?” Johnny pondered out loud. “What, like… three years? It’s definitely been a while. Had our Jimmy going bat shit crazy.” He managed a low, pained chuckle. “That bastard.”

“Johnny… you miss him a lot don’t you?” I asked him never feeling stupider. Of course he missed one of his best friends for life… and after.

“Everyday. You know… everyday is a battle for us. He’s gone forever. The pain of his loss… you couldn’t even begin to imagine.” Johnny answered. I was trying to be compassionate and all but that stabbed at my heart. I halted, stopping dead in my tracks. Johnny noticed this and stopped too looking back at me.

“Look… I know I may not have ever met the man. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t know him. Jimmy was my idol. He was my inspiration. He gave me the courage to do what I’m doing now. I may be just another crazy obsessed fan girl to you, but Jimmy meant something to me. He was my friend too. So before you say that I couldn’t even begin to imagine, think again.” I made myself clear, pounding my gaze into Johnny’s surprised chocolate brown eyes and never breaking eye contact.

“Right. I’m sorry Melinda. I forget sometimes how dedicated our fans are. I know you and many of our fans knew Jimmy well. We figured that one out when our fans sent us all these memorials for him not long after he parted. It shocked the hell out of us.” Johnny apologized. I gave him an understanding smile and we started walking again.

“No worries…So what was up with Ilejay back there? Is he always that cranky?” I asked him, changing the subject.

“Oh him? Nah. He’s usually more relaxed than that. He’s usually that annoying, but that’s just the kid for you. Actually, Arin is a real sweetheart most of the time. I’m not quite sure why he was being such a dick back there. He’s just jealous because he knows we like you more.” He smiled at me. I giggled. I was starting to see what Harper had been seeing in him all these years. His charm came through better in person.

“Oh. Well he doesn’t have to be such an ass.” I commented.

“Well you have to factor in that this is all still so new to him. I mean he’s just a kid. Two years ago he was just a kid out there trying to make something of himself. We were all on the same playing field at one time. Just give the kid a chance. That’s what we did. And he’s been a joy in our lives ever since.” Johnny seemed sincere except for the last sentence. He looked at me with a “not really” smile attached to his features. I laughed.

“Has he really?” I questioned while linking arms with him. We were coming up on the stage that we would be performing on that night. As soon as we entered the outdoor arena I gasped. There were so many of them. Endless seats as far as the eye could see. At least that’s how it appeared. I gazed up at the stage. My eyes popped out of their sockets and I almost shit my pants. It was so large you could fit ten elephants in a row up there.

“Are you…okay?” Johnny asked with his eyebrow cocked up at me. I had no idea my jaw had dropped but a piece of my electric blue hair blew into my mouth. I spat it out and drew it back behind my left ear, unintentionally revealing my conge deathbat tattoo. Johnny found his crooked smile again and flashed it at me. “Someone’s not obsessed.” He sputtered.

“Hey! It’s not obsession… its addiction. So shut your trap Christ!” I wiggled my tongue at him, my eyes squinted. He chuckled and replied with “Fair enough.” I couldn’t help it at that. I had to burst out laughing, recalling the cartoon short they made for their making of the self-titled album. Hearing Johnny say it was too hilarious because Jimmy really did do a damn good impression of him. I gazed back out, my eyes landing on the stage once more. “So, we’re going to be up there later?” I questioned Johnny, nodding at the stage. He shook his head.

“For sure Kiddy. You and all of your friends in all of your glory. Make us proud. Raising Babylon is considered our project according to the record company, so if you play your cards right, you may just end up with a record deal of some sort. If you don’t, we’re gonna look like a bunch of dipshits. I wasn’t supposed to mention the record deal to you, but I figured you might as well know what you’re shootin’ for. Comprende? “Johnny answered. It was kind of weird because out of all of the guys, so far Johnny has been the most talkative. I found that to be a bit strange since I had always known Johnny to be the quietest of A7x. But since we had gone on tour with Avenged Sevenfold, Johnny had been the one that talked to me the most. He had also been the only one to explain things to me and the only one that would really talk about Jimmy. “Hey! Do you want to try out the stage? I can take you up there so that you can get a feel for it. You’re probably not used to playing on such a spacious stage are ya?” He sprung on me as he led the way up to the stage, weaving through all of the crowd seats. I followed him.

“We also haven’t played for a crowd this big. Is that lame?” I asked him, hoping he would tell me the truth and not just try to spare my feelings by telling me that it wasn’t. He confirmed my fear by answering in just that manner.

“Of course not. At least you girls have got the courage to get up in front of a crowd at all. And you know what they say. If you can reach at least one person with your music, it’s worth it.” He smiled back at me. Instead of finding some stairs to go up onto the stage, Johnny just placed his hands palms down on the edge and pulled himself up. Then he stood up and spun around to help me. He set his right food on the edge and leaned over his stance, reaching his hand out for me to take. I did so and he pulled me up with ease. We made our way to the center of the stage and Johnny spread his arms out and lifted his gaze to sky like Cris Angel. “Mind Freak!” He called out and the arena echoed. Staring out at all of those empty seats should have been enough to make me the slightest bit queasy. It didn’t though. I had been on stage for all of my life, but I had never been on one this big. But I was used to it enough now that it was hard to make me nervous. I had a feeling that I would be by show time tonight though. The thought of all of those seats and the floor in front of us being filled made me a bit queasy mind you. So in turn I jumped off the stage and Johnny dropped his arms and followed.

“What’s the matter Mell? Don’t you like the stage?” He asked me.

“Of course I do. It’s just a little…overwhelming. You’re not gonna let me fall tonight are you?” I answered in turn.

“Dear, I won’t be on stage with you. That’s all up to you and the relationship you have with your balance skills. Not to sound blunt but you’re on your own dude.” He smirked at me, making another cartoon short reference. I laughed and we started walking back.
“So what was Jimmy like behind the scenes? Like I said, I knew him, but I never met him. I’m just curious as to if there is anything I didn’t know about him.” I asked Johnny as we scanned the merchandise set up. There was a t-shirt for all of the bands on the tour. There were more A7x tees than any of them since they were the headlining band. I noticed both Escape the Fate and Falling in Reverse had quite a bit of merchandise. How come no one told me two of my favorite bands were going to be here? My eyes widened as I tried to make the decision on which band shirt I was going to buy, battling with myself which one to choose.

“Well…Jimmy was-“He started but I cut him off.

“I mean, tell me something that no other fan could possibly know.” I clarified because I knew just about everything that I could possibly know about Jimmy without crossing the creepy line.

“I don’t know if I should get personal now…” Johnny murmured.

“Johnny…trust me, we crossed the personal line a long time ago.” I said, picking up an Escape the Fate tee, holding it up to my form.

“Alright... Let’s see. Personal. Okay…Ah! Got it. Well, did you know that Jimmy used to wear a bright orange kimono and terrorize the hell out of Zacky in High school and Zack and Brian absolutely hated him?” He told me.

“Knew that.” I smiled up at him, since Short Shit was actually slightly taller than me. I was stuck at 5’3 forever.

“Hmm. Okay, well did you know that the man lived in a Laundromat for six months and only ever washed his clothes twice.” Johnny offered another piece of information that just about every A7x fan knows.

“Johnny, everyone knows that.” I said. Johnny looked at me confused.

“Really? You guys know that much?” He questioned, his voice going up an octave. I half assed folded the Escape the Fate shirt and placed it back on the table in front of me. I seized the Falling in Reverse tee and held it up to my body next.

“Huh. Well shit. That’s a little unnerving…” He answered and I sighed. “Alright, alright, alright. Calm your tits, I got this. Did you know that Zacky met Jimmy at a local concert in high school by him pulling Zacky up and shouting ‘Get up and mosh, you Pussy’!” I laughed at that but I already knew that one too.

“Johnny, I knew that one too.” I vocalized my thought, folding the Falling in Reverse shirt up and placing it back on the table. I stared at the two in front of me once again.

“Well Jesus Melinda, how obsessed are you?” Johnny blurted out.

“I told youuu, I’m not obsessed,” I whined “I’m addicted…” I murmured the last part. Johnny stood there racking his brain for something that I couldn’t possibly know about James. Meanwhile, I racked my own brain, debating on which band tee to get. Johnny snapped his fingers and my attention snapped back to him.

“Got it! Did you know that he dabbled in the darkness?” Johnny exclaimed. I yawned.

“Knew-…I didn’t know that.” I answered. Johnny’s face lit up with accomplishment. “Wha-what do you mean he dabbled in the darkness?” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“I mean… Demon favors. Trade offs. You know.” He said this as if it were no big deal.

“Johnny…that’s pretty heavy stuff.” I commented.

“Well he only did it for a little while, about the span of a year. It was a long time ago. So it’s not really that big of deal anymore. I know he’s up there watching us through a hole in the floor of heaven.” He explained.

“Oh. Well that stuff is still pretty serious. No one should get themselves involved in things like that. It’s shocking to know that Jimmy did it. Why did he stop?” I asked, curiosity eating at my soul.

“He started having side effects. That stuff can take a toll on you physically. It was messing his sleep schedule up and he claimed some weird things started happening. Said something about a statue.Then something big happened that he never told any of us. He always just told me that it was better if we didn’t know. After that he never uttered a word about the summonings.” He plunged further into his explanation. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This was the first new piece of information I had gained about Jimmy “The Rev” Sullivan and I found myself wishing that I could un inform myself. I finally decided on the Escape the Fate t-shirt and swapped 30 bucks for it. We started walking back again.

“So… did he ever tell you who he summoned?” I found myself asking a question I didn’t want to know the answer to.

“If I can remember the name correctly, he tried summoning Pazuzu once. I’m not sure what in the world for. I never asked. I didn’t want to know about all of that stuff. Jimmy realized his mistake and abandoned his demon affairs a while back. He never brought it up again. After he stopped he seemed happier, like he wasn’t tormented anymore. But shortly before he died, he went into a gnarly depression. So he possibly could have started back up, but don’t quote me on that. Actually, don’t quote me on any of this, because I’m trusting you. The guys don’t even know about it. The only reason I do is because I caught him in one of his summoning rituals. So you must keep quiet Melinda. But remember, Jimmy made a mistake. I don’t know what your take on all of this is but that doesn’t make him a bad guy. “He elaborated some more. I nodded.

“I know that. Jimmy was an amazing individual and I will love him forever and always. It’s just a little shocking hearing all of this now.” I replied, slightly shaken.

“Well…maybe I should have thought of something else to tell you, but I figured I could trust you. Besides, I’ve been dying to talk to someone about it ever since it happened. He swore me to secrecy, but for some reason I have this strange feeling that I was supposed to tell you. Weird right?” Johnny said looking at me. We had almost made it all the way back to the tour bus.

“Yeah. Weird.” I said looking off in the distance. I think Johnny sensed my disturbance and decided to change the subject.

“So, are you excited for the show tonight? You ready for this?” He asked me in an upbeat tone, putting a little pep in his step. I closed my eyes and swallowed before turning back to face him.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I smiled genuinely at him. I looked back out into the distance and a slight movement caught my eye. The image of what looked like a mythological hybrid materialized. The creature possessed a hairy body, a lioness’s head with a donkey’s teeth and ears, long fingers and fingernails, and the feet of a bird with sharp talons. The thing glared at me before disappearing behind Papa Roach’s tour bus.