Gone Isn't Forever

Chapter 12

Seize the Day

At first I thought Jimmy looked angry. I flinched when he held out his hand and smirked. “Care to dance milady?” he spoke so smoothly, I instinctively nodded and took his hand. He lifted me up off of my knees and pulled me in close, placing one hand on my waist and holding the other out for me to rest one of mine in. I placed my other hand on his shoulder and we began to move together as one. He led naturally. Psh! I can’t dance, are you kidding me? But for some reason I didn’t quite mind this. I glanced up at Jimmy and looked him in his crystal blue disguise to try and read him. His eyes were clouded with what I could only guess was the feeling of grief if I didn’t know any better.

“Jimmy?” I asked.

“Yes, my pet?” Jimmy replied peering down at me.

“There’s no music.” I stated. He was silent for a minute before he proceeded to respond.

“Darling, you don’t have to have music to dance. The necessary melodies flow within you. I would say listen to beat of my heart if you must have a rhythm, but that ship has apparently sailed.” He spoke with such fluidity that it caught me off guard. I just decided to ignore it because Jimmy was practically sweeping me up off my feet. He laughed when I stepped on his foot repeatedly. I told you I couldn’t dance.

“Melinda, you dance splendidly. It appears that you only like to step on my feet when our eyes meet. Does that make me the guilty party?” Jimmy chuckled. I could feel my cheeks grow hot. He knows how I feel about him. Why was he doing this? Just another reminder of what I could never have? Damn death! Ruins everything…

“Your thoughts are depressing me Little Miss, now stop it and stand on my feet!” He demanded. I swallowed and nodded as I did so. I was confused as to why Jimmy told me to stand on his feet until we started dancing again, except this time I felt like a little girl dancing on her daddy’s feet. I giggled like one right then as well. He smiled down at me and I rested my head on the lower region of his chest. He began to sing ‘Seize the Day’ to me in the process and his voice was amazing. It was so beautiful and I was reminded of why I loved to hear him sing. I always melted whenever he would sing on the Avenged Sevenfold albums and I melted at that moment as well.

“How do you do that anyway?” I finally found the courage and opportunity to ask him how he always knew what I was thinking and feeling.

“How do I do what?” He murmured against the top of my head, his lips meeting my hair. I laughed.

“Know what I’m thinking.” I stated, my eyes meeting his again after he kissed my forehead.

“Oh. Right. Well… I’m not completely sure myself. My theory is that human emotions are like a beacon to guardians. Once you pick up on the aura of that emotion, you can choose to go deeper. If a guardian chooses to do so, they can read into the deepest and even the most secretive thoughts of a persons mind.” He explained as we picked up dancing across the stage again. I stopped to think about how silly this must look to outside people. I prayed no one would sneak up on us.

“Sooo… how far have you read into my mind?” I asked him, my curiosity spiking. He smirked as his eyes left mine to wander the arena.

“Far enough.” He returned. My head tilted up at him and to the side slightly to an angle. My eyes narrowed.

“Jiiiimmmmyy?!!” I drew out his name in a suspicious fashion. He pursed his lips, trying his hardest not to crack.

“Hey, all you need to know is that I never touched anything you wouldn’t want me to know. Did I look into your past and into the things that made you who you are? Yes, I did. I did it because I wanted to get to know you more than for what is on the surface. Beauty is only skin deep Melinda. But for you, its runs so much deeper than that.” Jimmy cracked. That didn’t take long. Wow. He really wanted to know me for me. He looked into my past and into my heart just to find out what makes me me. “I suppose you could call it job related research…” He added. That was a mistake. I pulled away from him.

“’Job related research’? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Only interested in me because you were doing your job? Is that it?” I questioned, my heart sinking to my stomach. He took a step towards me.

“Melinda, no. I did this because I wanted to know you on a personal level. Not to do my duty as your damn guardian. But to be honest, that was selfish of me because I’m building a bond that is getting harder and harder to break! Do you want to know what its going to feel like when I leave for good this time, Melinda? It’s going to fucking hurt worse than it ever has. And do you know why?” Jimmy suddenly exploded.

“W-why?” I squeaked, my eyes filling with salty liquid.

“Because love fucking sucks, that’s why!” He yelled and faded away. He was gone, but I was pretty sure he’d return. I always feared he wouldn’t though. My Mick Mars pick dropped and fell to the ground with a soft clatter. I bent down and picked it up. I sprinted back to the bus. I didn’t want to be left here alone in Sin City. On the way back to the Avenged tour bus I vaguely wondered if anyone had seen my pick floating in the air since Jimmy was invisible to the typical human vision and he had stuck it in his pocket while we danced. I shook that silly thought off and decided I had bigger problems.

Later that night when everyone was out in the living room partying besides myself and Maggy who had fallen asleep in our bunks, Arin gently shook me awake. I narrowed my eyes as soon as I opened them to land on his features.

“What the hell do you want?” I whispered, trying not to wake Maggy.

“Look I’m sorry about the way I acted earlier. I’m just not used to random pretty girls sleeping in my idol’s bunk. I hope you can forgive me for my rudeness… I’m not good with apologies, so I apologize.” He shocked the hell out of me by actually not being a major dickhead. Looks like Christ knew what he was talking about earlier when he said that he was actually a sweet kid… even though he was older than me. I still thought of him as the kid because that’s what the guys called him.

“And you woke me up to tell me that?” My eyes softened a little. He stepped back a bit and looked down to stare at his feet.

“Nooo…” He drew out the word while he peered up at me with those big gorgeous brown eyes of his. It was so cute.

“What then?” I opened the door of opportunity for this kid to possibly get on my good side.

“Well… I was wondering if…never mind.” He said quickly changing his mind and turning on his heel to walk the other way. Not so fast Ilejay!

“Nope! What is it Arin?” I asked and he stopped, turning to face me again.

“I was just wondering if… I don’t know, because everyone is out there partying and I kind of wanted to call it a night. The rest of them will go to bed later so I don’t want to steal one of their bunks… Everyone is already paired up…besides you that is…” He went on. Was he seriously asking me if I would share my bunk with him?

“What about the back room? That has a bed.” I suggested. He looked up at me and thought for a moment.

“Do you not know what Kirsten and Brian are doing back there right now?” He asked me dead serious. I sighed and pondered the idea of sharing my bunk with Arin Ilejay. I gave in and motioned for him to climb up. He smiled and proceeded to do so.

Suffice to say that sharing a bunk with Arin was kind of nice. We were kind of crunched for space so he insisted that I rest my head on his chest since he blamed himself for taking up most of the room. His scent was just about intoxicating and I couldn’t stop inhaling him. He must have had chocolate Axe on because he smelled delightful! He rested his arm on the small of my back and started caressing it. It reminded me of a certain feeling…hmm. Was I turned on? What the hell?

We laid there for half of the night and just talked about music and out other interests. We talked a little about what links us to Avenged Sevenfold and Jimmy. He told me that he had followed them since the very first album and Jimmy had been his idol from the very beginning. That’s what inspired him to start drumming in the first place. He wanted to be the next Jimmy Sullivan. He said he was an ironic living contradiction. He explained how he had been able to follow in The Rev’s footsteps to an exact T, but he could never truly be the next Jimmy Sullivan. Because it didn’t matter if he was Avenged Sevenfold’s drummer, he would never and could never replace Jimmy or live up to his legacy. It was amazing to find out all of this new information about Ilejay. He truly was a sweetheart.

We fell asleep a little after 4am. I woke up to a loud thud and Arin groaning. I peered over the edge of the bunk and saw Ilejay laying there in the walkway beneath the bunk rolling over onto his side in pain. I gasped when I spotted Jimmy sitting on the edge of the bed looking pissed.